This week: Love Is An Action Edited by: Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline  
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What's the nicest thing you've ever done for your partner?
Attraction just happens, but love? Love is built by our actions, each and every day.
This week's Drama Newsletter is all about how love can be built, and undone.
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Do you believe that love just happens? Or do you think that we can choose who we fall in love with? Is it a bit of both, perhaps?
I think it’s fair to say that we do not choose who we are attracted to. I experienced an instant attraction when I was a teenager. I was having a conversation with a teacher when this boy came up to his desk. I looked up at him, our eyes met and I know that it’s a cliché to say this, but it’s true – I felt like lightning struck me. There I stood, rooted on the spot, and it took every bit of strength I had to look away. That isn’t the only time when attraction simply happened to me, but it’s one of the most memorable. All it took were some lovely blue eyes – I hadn’t even really taken in the rest of him!
What happens after, though, I believe to be a choice. I think that it can even be called an action. Allow me to explain: you’re attracted to someone, but you discover that they are already in a relationship. What do you do? Most people would mentally register that person as unavailable, and allow the attraction to dwindle. The decision not to act is an act itself.
Or, let’s say the person is available. You ask them out, but they’re not interested. Or you get a step further – you go on a date but, unfortunately, you find out that you’re not compatible. It’s a shame, but you move on. You’re not going to be pining after them for the rest of your life.
But now you meet someone who you are compatible with. You have some wonderful dates. You get to know them. Learn to trust them. You create memories with them. And you move beyond mere attraction – you fall in love. As luck would have it, they’ve fallen in love with you, too, and you begin to build a future together. In fact, you’ve decided that you want to be together for the rest of your lives. You’re beginning to experience a deeper kind of love. The kind that is rooted in all of your conversations, your adventures, your mutual support, your shared morals and standards and beliefs. Love consists of various building blocks, shaped by your choices and actions. Every step along the way is a choice you made, an action you decided to take. You went on those dates, you had those talks, you held their hand, you determined your future. And now you’ve made it! You have a wonderful partner! Which is great, but you can’t just sit back.
Relationships can be difficult, because life is difficult. For many couples it sooner or later goes like this – you get up in the morning and get ready. You have breakfast. Go to work. Come home. Clean and tidy. Cook. Have dinner. If you have children you spend time with them, play with them, help them with their homework. Read them a bedtime story. And then you’re tired. You want some ‘me’ time – write, perhaps, or relax with some other hobby. Or curl up on the couch with a book, or a movie. And then you want to sleep. Rinse and repeat. That kind of tedium can lead to a dwindling of feelings. If you don’t act on your love, your partner might feel taken for granted. If they don’t act on theirs, you might feel taken for granted. You have to set aside some time for the other. Have fun together, build more memories. What that looks like is different for each couple, but there has to be something other than that daily routine centered on everything but your love.
Love can dwindle, and love can leave completely. If partners treat the other badly, everything special you spent the time building together will be undone, and that’s just as well. It would be terrible being stuck loving someone who proved themselves unworthy.
In the end, then, love is many things, but it needs to be nurtured, looked after, chosen and acted upon. If a couple does this, it can indeed last a lifetime. You can be one of those elderly couples who still hold hands, still have a twinkle in the eye when they look at one another, who have story after story to share of everything they’ve done and all that they still plan on doing.
It would be nice, wouldn’t it? It’s something to aspire to. So, let’s show our loved ones how much they matter today, and tomorrow, and each and every day after that.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline
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Drama: August 24, 2022 Issue [#11527]
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