  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Mavis Moog  
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Sometimes a Comedy Newsletter is about making you smile, and pointing you in the direction of some funny WDC items, but that's not enough for some of you. So this month my newsletter is guaranteed, yes that's right guaranteed, to make great comedy writers of you all.
Just read and follow the instructions, it's that simple.
Now who can resist taking a look at that?
Oh, and by the way, the Editor's Picks this week come with an indication of how hard you're supposed to laugh at them. Just count the laugh emoticons. So there's no excuses, you don't have to do a thing, just sit back and enjoy.
Mavis Moog
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How to be Funny
All you have to do is read this newsletter, follow the instructions and I can guarantee you will write a funny story.
How's about that for a promise?
Keep reading.
Roger Bates is a humour consultant. Can you imagine having a job like that? His job is to sprinkle other people's writing with humour. In his essay, "Humour Impaired," he gives this insight into how he does it.
Use Hyperbole. Instead of saying "This town is too small," try saying, "This town is so small they have a yellow page. It's so small, you have to leave town to fold a map..."
Most of us enjoy a little exaggeration. A good husband is one who doesn't ruin your stories with points of order. "Well, there weren't that many actually, dear." is not what I want to hear when I'm telling everyone how the midges at the campsite we'd stayed on reminded me of an explosion in a tea-bag factory.
Similarly, I try not to remind him that it was only one elderly and myopic woman who mistook him for Billy Connolly, while we were in Scotland. "Oh yes, everyone kept asking me for my autograph, so I dyed my beard purple and bought a nice pen." he likes to reminisce.
Here's a lovely example of Hyperbole from galinago's blog:
It was supposed to be backed up onto 10 inch floppy discs every evening. When it crashed, we learned that it was only actually being done to commemorate special occasions, like the second coming or Hell freezing over.
Hyperbole is a great tool for humour. Be as outrageous as you like, but remember that your reader will need to understand what you're getting at. I have a favourite little joke, which I've stopped telling because so many people just didn't understand it. Do you want me to try it on you? Well, maybe, if you're good, I'll give it you later.
Mr Bates mentions puns and wordplay in his list of humorous tools. There is a word of caution here, though. Because we are writers, we have a specialist interest in this form of witticism. Our readers may not share this predilection, so use puns with care. People don't seem to laugh when I get on a punny jag. I think I'm hilarious but my friends have groan tired of wordplay.
Punch line last may be an obvious piece of advice, but it's amazing how many writers forget to keep the surprise wrapped till the end.
Most humour relies on surprise, so it's important to set the joke up and only drop the punch-line in, right at the end. I must admit some jokes end up as popular culture, at least amongst ones friends. I have been known to give only the punch line. Not a clever idea.
One evening, a bar man said something witty, for which I couldn't think of an immediate answer, so before I could stop myself I said, "[Expletive deleted] you red-nosed b*%@+rd." and the last word wasn't bar steward. You see, amongst my friends this is what's known as a call-back.
call backs are motifs which appear throughout an act or a piece of humorous writing. My misjudged use of call-back with the bar man referred to an old joke.
Old Joke
Every year the circus comes to town and Mr. Goon always pays top whack to sit in the front row. Every year, a particular clown make a bee-line for Mr. Goon and asks him, "Are you the front end of an ass?"
Mr. Goon says, "No."
"Are you the back end of an ass?" asks the clown, as he turns and smirks at the audience.
Mr. Goon says, "No."
"Well, you must be no end of an ass!" and the whole audience fall about laughing, while our hero is left feeling angry and humiliated.
One year, Mr. Goon has had enough. He decides to attend classes at the School of Wit and Repartee. He studies hard for a full year. When the circus comes back to town, he eagerly buys his front-row ticket and waits for the clown act with great anticipation. Sure enough, when the clowns come into the ring, one of them runs straight to where Mr. Goon is sitting.
"Are you the front end of an ass?" he shouts.
Mr. Goon says, "No."
"Are you the back end of an ass?"
Mr. Goon says, "No."
"Then you must be no end of an ass." screams the clown, as gales of laughter fill the big top.
Mr. Goon waits for the laughter to subside, then drawing himself up to his full height, he proudly shouts, "[Expletive deleted] you red-nosed b@*+%rd!"
How many of you had that ruined by knowing the punch line first?
This punch-line had become a call back in that whenever any of us couldn't think of a snappy response, we would use it, and get a laugh anyway. The problem was, the man I said it to didn't know the joke, and I nearly got myself barred from the pub. If I'd been a man, I'd have discovered an alternative meaning of the phrase, punch line. Anyway, I quickly explained and thankfully the red flush or rage slowly drained from the bar man's face as understanding dawned.
Call backs can be used to great effect in your writing. They're a sort of short hand, which if set up properly can be a source of repeated laughs. The reader/audience also enjoys the feeling of being part of an in joke.
Now, I guaranteed that you'd be able to write a funny story if you followed my instructions, so here they are:
 read and understand the tips given above.
have a long hot bath and and relax your mind.
have a drink of cool water.
meditate.
stick your tongue out and try to say "slippers" while looking in the mirror.
go and write a funny story.
If you follow these instructions (especially the last one) to the letter, you can't fail.
_______________________________
Oh and for those of you who have been patiently waiting to read my joke that few people understand, here it is:
My friend has poor eyesight. I mean really bad. Her glasses are so thick, that when I borrowed them to look at a map, I could see lots of little people staring up at me, and waving.  Geddit?
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Gentle chuckling fun here. The horse's nostrils provide a good example of hyperbole. Well written, and full of colourful language, I'm sure you'll enjoy this one from Wisconsin.
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I just love Frank Zappa, so I had to read this, and I was so pleased I did. A tale of tall tales, this one, set in London, uses call back and hyperbole.
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I suppose one has to feel something for those who work in complaints departments. You won't believe some of the calls they have to deal with.
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Then there's the carrot-eating bosses. How should they be dealt with?
This is a very stylistically interesting satire. You have to think a little, and understand this is satire, not belly-laughs, but I thought it was very well done, and it left me with a wide smile on my face.
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This is belly-laughs. A witty interpretation of a well-loved children's story. This has closely-observed voice and great use of call back.
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This blog entry from partyof5dj is just hilarious. I particularly loved the description of a fly which had spent all night in the fridge. The suggested Sardine advertisements are also brilliant. If you haven't already become a regular reader of this blog, this entry should persuade you.
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Diana Lumina
I didn't really understand the point of this letter. I read it twice and I did not seem to find any advice on the topic. Hopefully the next one will be more rich in detail.
I hope this month's newsletter has answered your plea Diana Lumina .
Any other suggestions for improved service from this newsletter are most welcome. - MM
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Comedy: August 23, 2006 Issue [#1218]
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