 Comedy: April 03, 2024 Issue [#12486] |
This week: Tales from the Zoo Edited by: GeminiGem🐾  
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Hi ya! I'm GeminiGem🐾, one of the regular editors of the Comedy Newsletter. Come along with me on the visit to the zoo. |
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Tales From The Zoo
I've been to a few zoos in my years. Not a ton of different ones, mind you, but a nice selection. There was the Milwaukee Zoo, the Denver Zoo, the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. I know there were others, but they are lost in the mists of time. This past weekend I had the rare pleasure of experiencing (dramatic pause) the Pueblo Zoo.
It was a beautiful spring Saturday, perfect for walking around and gawking at 420 captive animals. It was supposed to be a treat for our youngest granddaughter. She, however, has been to this zoo several times with her school and is already a bit of an expert on the place. She knew which exhibit building would be the stinkiest, and she knew interesting and odd bits of trivia about the animals. She knew what animals were missing from the outdoor exhibits because they were hiding inside.
This information about the missing animals made me feel marginally better about this sad little zoo. When I saw one lioness sunning on a fake rock by herself in a large enclosure, I thought my heart would break a little. My granddaughter informed us that there was another girl lion and a boy lion, but they had to keep the boy lion separated to prevent inbreeding.
Now I was sad again.
We watched a pair of some type of primate quietly preening each other while doing various yoga poses. After we walked away from the exhibit we saw and heard evidence that they were now in play mode. They were swinging from all the things hanging in their huge cage while shouting, "Woot, woot, woot, WHOOOOOOW," Eerily, they were the only animals making any noise at the zoo. I thought their vocalizations were cute, if a little repetitive. The sound irritated the daylights out of my granddaughter, who is nine going on 87. For the record, she is also irritated by other kids like the old man yelling at a kid to get off his lawn.
In an indoor exhibit, we saw a big, old snapping turtle. She looked like she had fought in the turtle vs. alligators war of 1896. My granddaughter said, "Bessie ate some of the goldfish!" In case I lost you there, Bessie was the name of the ancient snapping turtle. When I mentioned that was probably why the goldfish were there, she informed me the goldfish were there to distract Bessie from unaliving the other turtle in the tank. Indeed, the other turtle (who is a third of the size of ole Bessie) had a bite-shaped chunk out of its shell above the left back leg.
I suspect the zoo keeper didn't tell the school kids that the other turtle fought on the side of the alligators in the war, and ole Bessie doesn't tolerate traitors. I'll keep you updated on this dramatic turtle battle.
That is, I will update you if I can bear to ever go back to this zoo.
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From my last Comedy Newsletter "Wearing Of The Green"
Elycia Lee ☮
 You sure put a lot of green in your newsletter for someone who is determined not to wear green on St. Patrick's Day. Well, in all seriousness, that is a really mean thing to do whether it is for an occasion or not. Pinching is painful and it is bullying. I definitely would not support a culture that encourages bullies. My memory of St. Patrick's is different though. There were a lot of laughter, drinking and dancing. And of course, roaming Leprechauns.
I'm pleased you have had a better experience with this holiday than I have!
tj-turkey-jobble-jobble-hard-J
I never wear green for St. Patrick's Day. I just find I've never been one to go with the flow, I prefer to be myself. With that said, I have worn green the day after just because it seems to irk those who gave me lip for not wearing it the day before. As for the pinchers, I just warned them that I pinch back regardless of color.
I like the bit about wearing green the day after St. Patrick's Day. Nice! |
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