This week: What Makes a Person Good? Edited by: NaNoKit  
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What is essential for being a good person? Honesty, loyalty, charity, kindness, respect, accountability?
What makes you a good person?
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about why being good is far from straightforward.
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Are you a good person? Many faiths and spiritual paths tell us to be good. Society shares countless stories of light versus dark, good versus evil, but what does that mean when you get right down to it?
Some common themes amongst faiths and philosophical theories about what it is to be good include honesty, loyalty, charity, kindness, respect and accountability. These are good traits to have, certainly, but they aren’t necessarily what makes a person good.
Take charity, for example. In relatively recent history there was a British media personality who hosted a show in which he helped make children’s wishes come true. He raised funds for various charities and hospitals and was recognised for his philanthropy with an Order of the British Empire, and later a Knighthood, making him a ‘Sir’. I won’t go into the crimes of Jimmy Savile here. They are too gruesome for a Writing.Com newsletter. Suffice to say that he was one of Britain’s worst ever predators, many of whose victims’ reports were dismissed for a long time because Jimmy? He was such a good man! Look at all those raised funds!
In and of itself, then, charitable donations and charitable deeds do not define a person’s character. So it goes for many traits. Loyalty is a good thing, but who and what is a person loyal to? When you look at history, some terrible deeds have been committed, and some very bad orders have been followed out of loyalty to a person, a company, or even a country. Respect is good, but often selective. Do you respect the high school kid working behind the counter of the local fast food restaurant as much as you respect your doctor? If not, why not? Respect is also sometimes demanded when it is not earned. One should respect one’s elders. One should respect one’s parents. But what if they are wrong, or cruel, or even abusive? Should you respect your employer when they’re clearly guilty of bad business? They deserve basic respect as a human being, sure, but not as an authority figure.
It is good to be kind, but kindness can be taken advantage of. It can go too far. It can place a person’s own needs on the back burner, wear them out, and do a lot of damage in the long run. It can also lead to a holier-than-thou attitude. It can be weaponised. It may be argued that in that case it is not true kindness, but where does one draw the line? One can do kind deeds yet use them for bad ends. One can have kindness in their heart, yet cause damage through ignorance, or incorrect information, leading to the wrong action at the wrong time.
Honesty is important, but full and complete honesty can cause unnecessary pain. I don’t like lies. I avoid lies where I can, which thankfully is on most occasions, but even I have to admit that it’s not always appropriate. For example, if I’m at a dinner party and I’m not overly fond of the food that the host has lovingly prepared, should I share that opinion? It’s not badly cooked – I won’t get food poisoning – and I am not allergic to any of the ingredients. It’s just not something that I enjoy eating, or it’s something that I usually enjoy eating but not prepared like this. I think that most people would say that rather than sharing one’s true views, it is polite to compliment the chef, and on the next occasion, if asked for suggestions, suggest a different type of dish. These small social lies may not feel great to tell, but the damage caused by full honesty outweighs the moral burden. Telling the truth arguably makes one less of a good person than taking into consideration the host’s feelings.
Empathy, then, is a key aspect of being a good person. The ability to understand that other people have their own inner lives, thoughts and feelings, being able to imagine what they’re going through at a particular time, and realising how our actions may impact their mental and physical well-being is essential. Beyond that, a good person will actually care about that impact, care about someone’s emotional states, care about their well-being.
Accountability, too, is indeed necessary. We are each of us responsible for our actions, and the consequences of those actions. Regardless of who we feel loyal to, regardless of orders given, we are responsible. If we do damage, even though our intentions are kind, we are responsible. If we are dishonest, or unnecessarily hurt someone through brutal honesty, we are responsible. We live in a world where, when something bad happens, fingers are pointed in all directions and the first urge of many is to try avoid accountability at all costs. A good person will do their very best to set things right. They will admit to mistakes made, apologise, and avoid them going forward.
Being a good person isn’t always easy. I certainly don’t mean to discourage you from contributing to charity, from doing kind deeds, or from being a loyal, honest person – far from it. We need more people with those traits. I’m saying that there is more to it, and that we must always be on guard that on our quest to be good we don’t unintentionally do harm.
I know this, because I am not perfect. I don’t always say or do the right thing. I try, though. I am sure that you are trying your best, too. We will get there in the end. In the meanwhile, please know that all the good that you do is appreciated.
NaNoKit
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Spiritual: October 23, 2024 Issue [#12803]
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