  Mystery
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The whole world, as we experience it visually, comes to us through the mystic realm of color.
Hans Hofmann
Colour is my day-long obsession, joy and torment.
Claude Monet
I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way--things I had no words for.
Georgia O'Keeffe
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I have a confession to make.
I believe it may have occurred while my brain, in its fetus state, was being hard-wired. However, the exact moment I truly realized my state of mind, I was no more than seven years of age. I remember swinging my legs as I sat on a hard chair in class, staring around at the new walls of a new classroom at the beginning of a new year of school.
The room was tidy and warm with lots of decorations. The posters were friendly-looking but one thing stood out in particular, clashingly ugly and... wrong. I shuddered as I looked upon it and wondered at the person who could have created such a thing.
It was a long banner depicting the alphabet. But not just any alphabet. You see, my other classrooms had the black and white version atop the blackboard. But this alphabet was in color. Each letter was a different bright color. Looking at it, I felt a little sick, because it was as though the letters were on a themed parade, but many were given incorrect, ill-fitting costumes to wear.
Going through the alphabet line, I mentally dressed each letter in more appropriate attire. The "A" was already red, but the "B" needed to be changed to yellow-orange, and "C" should definitely NOT be pink...
That was the memorable moment for me that made me realize that I saw in colors. Over the years, I have paid more attention to the fact that I "see" letters, numbers, and words in my head when I read or think. And these symbols pop up pre-colored. "A" is only ever red when I think of it. "Sarah" is always the color of corn stalks on a sunny day. "5" is always a deep dark color, rather like navy blue, purple, and black rolled into one.
It wasn't until about a year ago that I realized that my "condition" had a name: color synesthesia. Due to recent experiments, scientists believe that people who think in colors have brains that were "cross-wired" while being formed. Apparently, quite a number of people have synesthesia, although there are different kinds - some see colors when listening to musical notes, some mentally see dates (days of the week, for example) arranged in a line or circle, some get different tastes when they say specific words, and so on.
 These traits are usually genetic. I remember going home from school and telling my mom about the mis-colored alphabet. She asked me some questions and really believed me, even asking me how I saw her name, and would I color my alphabet out for her?
Later, I found out that my father is a synesthete. 
So why bring this up in a mystery NL? Well, I've been thinking a lot lately about definitions. We usually define ourselves, don't we? When I was growing up, I was often told that I was quiet, serious, and artistic. As I've matured, set goals for myself, gone off on adventures...I've watched myself and decided that I am a forced extrovert, serious overall (but prone to puns and dry humor), and not as artistic as I'd like to be. Among other traits - I define myself in other ways as well.
But how I see myself is not necessarily how others see me. And that can be surprising sometimes. For instance, I once had a professor in college call me a "risk-taker." Our assignment was to write a cover letter and resume and hand it in. Bored with the assignment (I had written many resumes before I'd taken the class), I decided to spice up my homework by applying for a ficitonal position as a "professional, intergalatic sandwich maker." (I had all the qualifications, you see.) I in no way considered my grade to be in jeopardy by doing this. But when I got the papers back, "You're such a risk-taker! And you're lucky I have a sense of humor," was written along the top, along with a (thankfully) red "A."
The point is, she saw me differently than I saw myself. Where I thought I was being creative, she thought I was being sassy. Where I once thought I was just overimaginative, later I find that I have color synesthesia. These outside definitions of me also caused me to see myself differently. Once I was called a "risk-taker," something I never considered before, I thought of all the things I'd done that other people might consider risky, like sky diving and scuba diving. I also considered taking that trait further. I remember my thoughts going something like, "well, I guess I'm a risk-taker! What should I do next to bolster this new image?" Very elementary, but thoughts of tackling Mount Everest made me smile.
I have to say that although I believe in the research, I dislike the idea of my brain being "cross-wired" or "hard-wired," like I'm a computer, not a person, and like I had no choice in who I became. It also makes me feel too neat, too defined.
While one dimensional characters can be fun, easy to read, and easy to relate to, I'd like to see more human characters written about in works of fiction. We're always finding out more about ourselves and what we can do. As our friends and family members grow and learn, they change and thus alter their impact on us. Plus there are always surprises - diseases like cancer may challenge our fortitude, a marriage might make two people more understanding, a best friend moving away may force one to try to make new friends or try new things and thus be influenced by new stimuli.
The human race is so adaptable and multi-faceted, yet we define each other and put one another in sturdy little boxes quite often. I challenge every one who reads this to be open-minded and explore ways to define their fictional characters as well as themselves - and to leave room for change.
*Happily, few "mis-colored" letters and words that I see make me cringe like I did in that classroom, at the age of seven. I like that other people have their own alphabet colors as well! 
*In this newsletter, most of the colors I used to describe how I see words are not the actual shade I see in my head. Studies have shown how difficult it is to match a synesthete's mental colors.
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At this point in your life, how would YOU define yourself? Did this NL change your perception of me? Are YOU a synesthete? Do you have any fictional stories that show characters growing and/or defining themselves? (Please share!)
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Mystery: October 10, 2007 Issue [#2001]
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