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I'm Sophurky ~ your Host for the Comedy Newsletter where this week where we'll talk about the delicate subject of using facilities other than our beloved porcelain toilets. If you care not to read any further, I understand completely! You have been warned ...  |
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The Wonders of a Groover
As you know from my last newsletter, in May I went on a river rafting trip in Southern Utah for five days with my husband and sister. We had a fabulous time, our weather was perfect, and I can't wait to go back again and do it next year! 
Now that may come as a surprise to some of you who know me well because I am typically not all that fond of wilderness camping, which is what one has to do when on a mulit-day rafting trip. I love the outdoors -- in fact, I love to camp in a tent or trailer. But where I camp is always within 100 feet or less of a lovely bathroom facility complete with flush, porcelain toilets. So while I'll sleep on the ground in a sleeping bag and eat food cooked on a camp stove, I'm not one who likes to get too far from indoor plumbing. I'm fussy that way.
But our rafting trip was in an outdoor wilderness area on the Green River in Utah, and at the end of each day of floating we had to find a suitable area for camping for the night -- an area that was pretty flat, near a tree for shade if possible, and with easy access in and out of the boat to unload and reload our supplies. So we considered ourselves lucky if we found a spot with all three -- flat, shade, and easy access. Unfortantely, being anywhere near a bathroom facility was never going to be part of the "perfect campsite" equation.
And because it was a protected wilderness area, we, let's see, how shall I put this delicately? Um, well, okay -- we could pee in the bushes or river or whatever, but when we had something more substantial to eliminate from our bodies, we had to do so in something called a groover -- a metal ammo can with a six-inch-wide hole on top so you can affix a removable toilet seat. (Groovers got their name from the fact that the first versions didn't have seats, and when you sat on them, a nice set of red grooves was embossed into your behind.) After we made our deposits in said groover, we then had to seal it up and carry it with us on the boat.
When my husband first told me about this portable potty device, I refused to go on the trip. It was going to be bad enough to have to rough it and go without porcelain for five days, but to have to go in a metal ammo can that was likely to become very stinky over the course of five days in the hot desert sun, and then to have to carry it on the boat with us -- well, that was just a bit too close for comfort, if you know what I mean. You need to understand that I'm someone who won't even use an outhouse -- my sensibilities are very delicate, so this was just out of the realm of the possible, as far as I was concerned.
But my husband threatened to divorce me if pooping in a can would keep me from having the time of my life on this river trip, and so I decided to give it a whirl-- tho secretly I planned to eat a lot of cheese and other "binding" foods in the days before we left, and then never have to use the groover on our trip. Alas, the best laid plans ... for whatever reason my all-cheese diet didn't work and I ended up having to use the groover. Often.
To her credit, my sister would position it in a nice, secluded place away from camp, with a lovely view of the river and surrounding red rock cliffs. And if possible with a nice stiff breeze to blow the smell away. But even with all of that beauty it just wasn't the same as my beloved porcelain. I'll spare you any specific details -- suffice to say it was my least favorite part of the trip. However, it wasn't bad enough to keep me from going again next year -- this time for 8 days instead of 5 days, which should make that ammo can nice and, err, well, ripe. And in the end I have to admit that I was very proud of myself for surmounting my biggest river fear (no, not bears, not mosquitos, not drowning -- the groover)!
For that reason I've put in my request for a kind of poop barge next year -- a small raft that we can tow behind our large raft, upon which will ride be our groover (so that it's not directly in the boat with us). My husband just laughs at me and says no way -- he claims that the groover is tightly sealed when it's on the raft with us and doesn't emit any noxious odors. So he claims it doesn't need its own raft. That may well be true -- but it's the idea of the thing on the boat with us that gives me the willies. I have a year to work on him and convince him of the genius of my plan!
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Oddly enough I couldn't find any items on the site about use of a groover, so below you will find some other kinds of toilet humor from around the site -- remember, if you enjoy them, please let the author know by reviewing and rating the piece!
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Here are the responses I got from my last newsletter about the comedy of road trips.
From Joy 
Great take on road trips, Sophy. 
Your own travel story made the newsletter even more interesting. I feel like visiting Utah now.
Thanks Joy! Utah is BEAUTIFUL, you really should check it out.
     
From Lornda 
Hi Sophy.
Welcome back. I enjoyed reading about your Utah 2005 road trip. What fun! I hope Utah 2008 went smooth! Thanks for the highlight of my road trip!
Lornda
Glad you enjoyed it, Lornda! And yes, our 2008 trip to Utah and back went just fine. I'll tell you more about it in next month's newsletter. 
From spazmom 
Yeah, road trips are the best!! Although now with the price of gas...sigh. I'm glad you ended up with a good experience in Utah...grin. Since that's where I live, and I know how the small towns shut up on Sundays (some places even close up early on Saturday...) it's great you were able to find someone to help. Hope this vacation went better!! Good newsletter.
Thanks Eternalheart! You are so lucky to live in Utah, we just love it there! And yes, this vacation went much better -- we had a wonderful time, had no car trouble, and visited a new town down south after our river trip (we went to Kanab to visit Best Friends Animal Sanctuary).
From alanscott
Hi, Sophy! Great newsletter! I did notice in the featured items that Wisconsin seemed to take quite a hit among the authors! LOL
Yeah I noticed that too, about Wisconsin. I've never had any trouble with our neighbor to the north -- in fact we bought our last car there. Glad you enjoyed it!
From Katya the Poet 
Fabulous. Next, I want a newsletter All About Pooping!
Your wish is my command -- it's not exactly "all about pooping" -- but close enough. Bet you are sorry now, eh?
That's all for now! Until next time, and on behalf of your other brilliant Comedy Newsletter Editors Melissa is fashionably late!  katherine76 Robert Waltz  -- LAUGH ON! |
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Comedy: June 18, 2008 Issue [#2451]
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