  Short Stories
This week: Like an Onion Edited by: KimChi  
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Purée stale cliché with fresh simile, and twist your metaphors into pretzels.
If not to experiment with flavors, why do we have tongues?
Hello, I'm KimChi , here to encourage you to play with your words!
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Like an Onion
Dialogue from the movie "Shrek".
Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example? Okay, er... ogres... are... like onions.
Donkey: [sniffs onion] They stink?
Shrek: Yes... No!
Donkey: Or they make you cry.
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh, you leave them out in the sun and they turn brown and start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: NO! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers... you get it. We both have layers.
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. [pause] You know, not everybody likes onions. [pause] Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers!
What a delightful scene to illustrate my point! Like a cake (or an onion), a short story has layers. Stack them however you wish, but these layers include plot, setting, characters, conflict-and the creamy icing which holds it all together-theme.
Sometimes we follow the recipe, only to end up with something that tastes, well...vanilla. I've actually had a few great ideas that came out onion-flavored. How do we fix it?
One way to add depth is to mix layers. Whip up the emotions and motivations of the characters in the conflict layer, or blend mood into the setting to foreshadow the plot. A great way to learn the intricacies of writing is to read your favorite authors and study their recipes. This site alone contains a million different flavors to test. Above all, keep experimenting.
While we work individually, we can share our successes, failures, and secret ingredients. How do you add spice to your story? Do you sprinkle on dialogue, or hide symbols inside the layers? Maybe you decorate the top with rhetorical questions? In future newsletters, we'll explore the elements of short stories and our favorite literary devices.
Since I have a sweet tooth for metaphor and simile, we'll start there.
Simile
A simile compares two items, usually containing "like" or "as". (Usually. Similar to, in the same way that, etc.)
Your prose should be as fresh as new-fallen snow.
You can always start with cliché-then find a new way to show how one thing resembles another.
Your prose should be as fresh as new-fallen snow a ripe strawberry plucked from the vine.
In this original description, provide a specific attribute of the compared object. In the example, the word "ripe" suggests fall-apart-in-your-mouth freshness. The reader may get confused, like Donkey,
| A stupid ass, unlike our reader. |
In this short story, "S'more good, clean, harmless fun." by SonofDrogo , the author works five words extra hard.
"No." I started to say. "Don't sha..." I was too late. Like an angler with palsy she shook the stick violently. The burning mass of double flaming marshmallow left the tip of the stick with surprising velocity. Like a meteor entering the earth's atmosphere, it whooshed through the night air, on a collision course with the cabin door.
I might have written: "She pulled her arm back as if to cast a fishing line, shaking the whole time." But, in addition to remaining concise, like an angler with palsy puts an image
| Not necessarily a politically correct image. |
Metaphor
Metaphors give a writer more leeway to explore the various ways two items are similar. They can be as short as two words or as long as an entire story. The items compared in a metaphor are not just similar, but equal, at least in a literary and/or grammatical sense--many times a form of the verb "be" links the two subjects. An implied metaphor drops hints to the identity of the second object without stating it outright.
Her story was as polished as a diamond.  (Simile where a story is like a diamond in one aspect.)
Her story was a brilliant diamond-cutting-edged, clear, and polished. (Metaphor where a story equals a diamond; several aspects are compared.)
Brilliant story! (Metaphor implying a story is equal to a light/star/diamond.)
My comparison of cakes and stories started as a simile and ended as an over-the-top metaphor. Unless you're going for a laugh, you'll want to be more subtle in a short story. I tried to flesh out the similarities by naming the layers and icing the cake. I could have stretched the metaphor by listing the steps of a recipe, or describing the melding of flavors. But you get it.
J.D. Casnig sums up the difference this way: "A metaphor can always be greatly extended, while a simile quickly reaches its limits."
Like this newsletter.
I hope you've been entertained, as I couldn't resist the temptation to mix two delicious subjects together--writing and cooking. Join me in future editions for more ways to add zest to a story, including dialogue, theme, setting, and wordplay. |
Metaphors and similes in action not only provide humor and characterization, but can also help us explore the depths of physical sensation and emotion. You can even stretch one into anthropomorphism.
| the attribution of human characteristics to non-human things. |
Metaphor and Simile
Excerpt: I sat, as always, in my favorite seat between the frozen fountain and the dead rosebush and looked around at the garden, not minding the piercing cold. When you've been cold long enough, you see, you become too numb to notice anymore.
Excerpt: Percy took a greedy bite of his sandwich and chewed for a moment. A sensation of wire brushes scrubbed the back of his nose, his eyes watered and he coughed, spraying half-chewed debris over his newspaper.
Excerpt: Her thoughts suddenly turned to Carla her best friend, and companion for more years than she could remember. She hoped that she wouldn't miss her train tonight from Venice, and that she'd get home before the rains came pouring down.
Excerpt: Then, like a dance he had with a woman many years ago, the glowing passion of a rattle embraces him. Like a soft fragrance from old days, it trickles into his mind, seducing, forcing his senses to become a part of the concert.
Excerpt: She heard the metal door close loudly downstairs. The vibration from the impact came up the walls and disbursed over the second floor, entering her bare feet like a bolt of lightning.
Excerpt: Look at him, standing there like he owned the world and the gods counted themselves lucky that he was around to keep the stars spinning, like the glowering Collegiate Council weren't no more than a pack of dirty street urchins begging for alms. Blessed saints, forget the circus; I'd be grateful if the floor could just open up and swallow me whole.
Excerpt: The prince sent servants to the mountain-pass. Each time the servants returned with white scared faces and said, "We met an ogre who guarded and blocked the way. His roar was terrifying. He had a huge club in his hand and threatened to kill us. We did not dare to go any further and defy him."
For a Laugh
Excerpt: I came across this list of winning entries and decided to put them together in a coherent story ... of sorts. The grammar and punctuation were reproduced as written in the original entries. I hope you like ...
Excerpt: Through undulating mud-one, pink, Tink backpack appears. "Doodle! Come here!"
Beaming, she gallops forward, head lowered--rams my stomach..
For a Scare
Excerpt: He turned it to reveal a painting of a lovely young woman in a white dress, with long, black hair flowing to her waist. She sat in an elegant red chair, with a large diamond sparkling on the third finger of her left hand. "Isn't it amazing?" |
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I have no feedback, as this is my first newsletter. Next month's topic will be symbolism so if you have a fitting story, please submit it! Remember to add "relevant keywords" so others can find your story in a search.
What topics would you like to discuss? How do you add depth to your writing? Like a baby elephant in a flying circus, I'm all ears .
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Short Stories: October 08, 2008 Issue [#2648]
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