  Spiritual
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In one way or another, almost all writers have faced this dilemma:
how deep to delve, when the writing is personal, about the ones you love? |
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We were strangers to each other, all twenty of us in the hall. Some of us exchanged hesitant smiles, others sat around staring into space or reading something.
The acting master entered the hall at a run. He galloped around our circle of chairs, handing out blank pieces of paper and pencils.
"Write your deepest secret on that," he ordered. A few shrugs and raised eyebrows, and we were at the task. "All done?" he barked, a minute or so later. "Very well. Fold your sheet and write your name on top." Silence for a few seconds, except for the scratching of pencil against paper.
"Give me your papers." A bit skeptical, submitted our papers. He now held our folded sheets, bearing our names on top and a secret about ourselves within.
He clutched the sheets in his hand and stood in the middle of the room. Then, he scrutinised each name one by one. "Let me see. I have this one from Diana. I'm going to give it to ... you." So saying, he went about the room, handing out sheets at random. Some participants got one or more sheets written by others, some got their own back. Personally, I was missed out. Someone had my paper, though, and that made me giggle.
He scanned the faces in the room. Some were distressed, some calm, some looking like their trust had been betrayed. I was chuckling softly.
"How do you feel, now, someone has your secret?" A chorus of indignant voices answered, the majority saying they felt insecure. "How do you feel, holding someone's secret?" he asked those who had pieces of paper. The responses were less vocal this time, more through the eyes - I think most people felt ambivalent. On the one hand, they had someone's secret, on the other, someone had theirs. Only the ones who were holding their own sheets looked at ease. I continued to smirk.
"And you," he said, "doesn't it bother you - someone has your secret?" He finally turned to me.
"Not really," I answered, feeling pretty smug.
His next words wiped the grin off my face.
"You won't ever make a good actress."
"Why?" I asked, shocked. He hadn't even seen me act, yet!
"You held back. Obviously, you didn't write a secret that was important to you. You don't care that a stranger is holding it now. But that's the point of acting. You have to give the audience your all. You have to feel vulnerable, exposed. Every emotion you've ever gone through must seep into your face and eyes, your hands, shoulders and feet. Even the hair on your head must reflect whatever the scene requires. That can only be if you don't hold back."
Don't hold back.
Since then, I've given a lot of thought to the maxim 'Don't Hold Back'. One of the areas it has affected has been my writing. I joined Writing Dot Com because I had a poem about grieving for my Mom. I was lashing out at those who wanted me to be 'strong' - to pretend that all was well though I'd just lost my mother to a sudden cardiac arrest.
I hit out at them, and then I was hesitant to share the poem with anyone I knew - what if they saw themselves in it? What if it hurt them? They meant well, after all. So I put the poem out there for 'strangers' to see on-line, and I got a flood of responses. I had touched a chord with so many reviewers. With that first poem, I made friends on the site.
Since then, I've noticed that the pieces that bring the most heartfelt responses are the ones in which I don't hold back.
But there is always the dilemma - because the writing is not just about me. It's about my response to people, to events. The spiritual quandary I face is this - hold back, so that the people I write about are protected, or let go, say it all, so that my readers get the truth? Oh, yes, I know that changing names and places a bit will mean that others won't recognise them - but what about me, I know what I wrote and whom it was about. What about the people I'm writing about - they'll know it's them!
Will writing my true feelings down subtly change close relationships?
The people I react to most are the ones I love and care about.
Should some things remain unspoken and unwritten, then?
Is it cathartic to write some things down, to be able to deal with them better?
Will a catharsis help my relationships with people, or jeopardise them?
How would I feel if someone I'm close to wrote about me, without holding back?
I wish my parents hadn't given our cocker spaniel away when I was eight months old and we moved - from a house to an apartment. The dog was used to living in an independent house and Mom and Dad thought he would be too cooped up, on the eighth floor with just one or two walks a day. Besides, what with a new baby to care for, they felt they wouldn't be able to give the dog all the time and attention he needed. He escaped from his new owner and set out, presumably to look for us in the house he knew. He was never found, and though Mom didn't talk about it much, I know she felt the pain of his disappearance for years. This is the first time I've been able to put this down in words, four decades later. I've always held back before, lest it appear that I'm blaming my parents for something.
Or my aunt. She was brought up to feel that even though she isn't as pretty as her sisters, she has many good qualities. Now she is a grandmother - and I can see how this childhood theme has affected her self-esteem. The underlying message she obviously saw was, "You're not beautiful enough." She makes up for it by allowing everyone to walk all over her, and by neglecting her health. Writing about it would be exposing her parents - my beloved grandparents.
Or my friend, who has chosen not to work for various reasons. I respect her choice. I cannot respect the way she grumbles about her sister's spending habits. Her sister works, earns, and enjoys shopping. I could weave a story around the two of them, but something ... something about writing it down holds me back, I'm close to that family.
So - to write, or not to write?
Truth to tell, I don't know the answer. Be faithful to the reader, be loyal to the characters, be true to myself ... ? Shouldn't all three mean the same thing ... ? What if they don't ... ? I think each one of us has to find the answer for ourselves. So don't hold back. Always. Mostly. Sometimes. Whatever works for you. After all, that's what writing is about: it working for you.
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This one intrigued me ... here I am talking about characters I might hesitate to write about,
and here's someone saying -- put your character up for adoption!
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A gem from an author who writes straight from the heart.
She does not hold back, and one senses her honest writing helping to heal her pain.
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A short piece that touched me directly -- I felt exactly this way when I lost my Mom two years ago.
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Here's someone who didn't hold back the negatives -- to find all of them emerging as positives!
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True feelings told in verse. I wonder if anyone would recognise themselves here?
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The dilemma - show our true selves, or hide?
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I admire this Mom for being able to pen this with courage and wisdom.
She really has delved deep into her own emotions to give a ray of hope to others in her situation.
She calls it 'light', and it is, but it's also empathetic and insightful.
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"Spiritual Newsletter (July 11, 2007)"
Another editor who has grappled with honesty, protecting privacy and other issues which face all writers!
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A lovely haiku about being yourself.
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Since this is my first Newsletter, I have no feedback to showcase!
I would love to hear from readers -- do you face this dilemma? How have you dealt with it?
Was this edition of the Spiritual Newsletter useful to you?
Thanks! 
- Sonali |
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Spiritual: February 18, 2009 Issue [#2851]
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