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The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes.
And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.
AMEN! 
Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
This week we'll talk about the pain joy of gardening.
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Confessions of a Black-Thumb Gardener
Yes friends, Spring has sprung (well, it sprung in the Northern Hemisphere -- for those of you who reside Down Under, Fall has sprung -- so, um, Happy Autumn) and you know what that means right? (Spring, not Autumn.) Yes, it's time for me to go outside and do something with those several plots of dirt we have scattered around the front and back of our house. You know -- our gardens.
My husband takes care of our yard -- he mows the grass and rakes the leaves, etc. I'm supposed to take care of the gardens. When we first moved to this house 12 years ago, there was a lot of lawn and not much in the way of gardens. So my job was easy, and all was right with the world -- at least for the first year or so. Then my husband decided we needed some gardens -- he said they would be a nice accent to the curb appeal of our home. Okay, I agreed, we can put in A garden (meaning 1). But now, more than a decade later, we have six gardens, and here's the thing -- only 2 of them are on the front side of the house. The other 4 are in the backyard. So much for curb appeal. I am finally on to him, about 4 gardens too late -- he keeps digging up the lawn to make new gardens so he has less grass to mow. And more work for me.
Not to mention, I hate gardening. Yes I know, (and you know from last month's newsletter) -- I am an amazing Facebook Farmville Farmer. I have achieved Mastery in Strawberries, Grapes, and Red Peppers. But in real life? Oy, not so much. You see, I don't have a green thumb. Plants and flowers and vegetable gardens don't snap to attention and thrive under my expert loving care. On the contrary, I have a black thumb. Growing things try their best to hide, or commit plant suicide, whenever I come near them.
It starts out innocently enough -- I plant tender little baby flower plants in the garden with love and car, giving them food and water and, if need be, shelter from the cold. And then I water them. Usually every day. Whether they need it or not. Which they usually don't. At least, they don't need that much water. Plants in the Sahara don't need as much water as I give them. Or I over-fertilize. Or both. Anyway, I usually kill the poor things from over-care, not neglect. I'm sure I'm going to be arrested by the Garden Police any day.
So last year I got smart -- I went to the local nursery and said, "Sell me some of those plants that come back every year on their own (perennials, not weeds) -- and make sure they are not killable. Make them hearty and strong, the kind that won't die from in my hands." The nice young man said he'd try, but couldn't promise I wouldn't be able to kill them. But I brought them home and planted them anyway, and managed not to kill them They may have even grown a bit over the summer. Here is what they looked right after I first planted them -- enjoy them now, no telling if they'll survive this year:
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Now that the weather is warming, god help them, some of them are already peeking their little green heads out. I fear for their survival.
Now where did my husband hide that hose ........ ? 
Sophurky |
Below you'll find some offerings from other WDC members about gardens, gardening, and/or the perils hidden within:
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And here are a few intentionally BAD and very funny poems from a previous Bad SLAM contest -- low ratings are coveted:
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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Now for a few comments about my last newsletter about the Farmville on Facebook:
From NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth 
great read! I refuse to do farmville or anything else, even the "I dont care about your farm, or your fish.." group. 
You are very wise -- just be careful you don't get sucked in ....
     
From LJPC - the tortoise 
Sophy,
First, there were Sea Monkeys and Chia pets, then Pet Rocks and Mood Rings, then virtual dogs and cats. And now a whole virtual Farming business??!!  Are Intergalactic Transformer Cities far away? Go milk your cows NOW!! (poor things) -- Laura
Thankfully my cows did not explode whilst I was away -- thanks for caring, lol.
From Angelica Weatherby- Bday mom15 
I got Farmville too! I'm not a farmer though, but have loads of horses, trees, and other animals omg I can't harvest all of them!
Step away from your farm .......
From billwilcox
Sophy the Farmer, now there's a corn-husking image for ya
Oh Wild Bill, if I husk it, will you shuck it?
From alfred booth, wanbli ska
A friend sent me a review of the poem you featured this week and I just had to stop by and thank you for selecting it. Actually, it goes perfectly with today's theme. So far I have avoided FarceBrook Farms, but I have an iPhone to keep me out of that kind of trouble.
Thanks for a fun newsletter,
alfred
Actually, Alfred, I think your iPhone could get you into EXACTLY that kind of trouble. Maybe you should hand it over to me for safe-keeping? 
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky
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Comedy: March 24, 2010 Issue [#3631]
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