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It's another year, folks. I for one am thrilled to begin this new year. Let's take a peek at one of the past year's high points ... |
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Hello folks and a great, big, Happy New Year to all of you! I say this with so much enthusiasm because the year from hell is o-v-e-r!
Yes, everybody, 2010 began and ended with all of the weirdness, terror, stress and strain that can be crammed into one year. There were deaths in both WL's and my family, a house fire and numerous other events that made me pray to get out alive. I can breathe a little easier now that all of that is behind us.
However, all was not totally lost on the previous year. There were some happy moments. There were a few weddings to attend and we all know how much fun they can be. 
The one truly funny kernel of time I can place my finger on as I tear the pages of that calendar year from my psyche, is when we attended a good, old fashioned, Kentucky wedding.
Now, I'm not one of those people who is predisposed to thinking about trailers, cousins, rednecks and cheap cigarettes as a necessary backdrop for a Kentucky wedding, not to mention a Vietnamese, pot bellied pig as a pet.  However, when all of the above mentioned items are really a scene at the wedding we attended, it just can't be helped thinking that some of those strange stories we've all heard about on the Internet really do exist.
This wedding was held in the yard of the inviter's in-law's trailer home, in a town that had to be mapped-out for us by the local State Police. They directed us to get back on the highway, take a right at the fifth set of lights, pass one hundred, small white churches, (approximately thirty miles) and take a right, two streets after the Smoke & Glug convenience store.
WL and I met some of the most interesting characters at this wedding. Don't get me wrong, both of us enjoy an eclectic mix of people, easily proved because we were on the invitation list. Anyway, the first to greet us when we arrived was an ex, lady-of-the-evening, who fell in love with my stilettos. Yes, folks, I wore stilettos to an outside wedding, but that was just for the ceremony. I changed into more comfortable attire for the spaghetti reception.  She introduced us to the rest of the family while we waited for the bride and groom to show up. It so happens that she was residing with the groom's mother and used to be his mother-in-law, years before, but don't stop there, 'cause she is the groom's sister's present mother-in-law.  Also, her husband was living with the groom's sister and family at their double-wide.  But that's not what shook my chain! I find out that the guy holding the sister's toddler was indeed the father of said child, but not her husband, who was there, keeping their children in line, whilst the ceremony took place. Now that's a truly extended family bonding if I ever saw one! I'm not sure, but I think they all lived under the same roof. Folks, even with my funny bone, I can't make this stuff up!"
The ceremony was lovely and the happy couple touched our hearts with their love and infectious spirit and joy for life. Both had suffered disabilities which brought them some tough moments. They combined their children from previous relationships, together, to make a beautiful family.  However, I digress!
At one point, we entered the trailer-home, and I nearly tripped over a tiny, pot bellied pig, which was the family pet. I don't know about you, but when I see the word PIG, I think it stands for Pork Is Great! It ran around, freely, wearing a bow tie for the special occasion.  I think it was the only family member not smoking. I guess the thought of a smoking pig is a terrible thing when said porker is part of the family.
When we went back outside, we saw the bride and groom signing the marriage license with the Minister. I took a look at the license and thought I was seeing things. There was a line on the form that asked for the groom's name, had a blank for him to fill-in and then another question followed ... Relation to bride?__________________________ !!! Are you serious? To think I thought all those wise cracks made about some of these places were just silly jokes! Nevertheless, the Kentucky wedding was one festive event during the year from hell!
Well, folks, I just received a stack of pictures from the bride and groom. It brought back images of all of those fun memories as surreal as some of them seemed at the time, piglet and all.
I talked to the bride recently, to say thank you for the pictures. I asked her how that little pig was doing.
"Oh, I'm sorry to report that he died."
"What happened?"
"Um, well, he uhh, froze to death one night because he couldn't get back into his heated pen after an evening stroll."
"Didn't he have a little doggy door to get back inside?"
"Oh, yes, that was there, but there was a strip of ice outside the door and he kept slipping away from the door!"
I had to control my amusement at the mental sight of a slip-sliding pig, (due to the Pork Is Great, mindset,) and sent her my deepest sympathies for the heartbreak the children must have suffered over this event.
She comes back with, "Oh, that's okay, their parents are going to buy two more pigs for them. "
I had to come to grips with that statement. Then I thought, Oh, yeah! There will be two, so while one is slipping out of control on the ice, the other can push it right through the doggy door or at least squeal on it! Looks like they'll be makin' bacon for a long time.
It's a wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch |
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Assegai  Feedback on a past Newsletter. "Comedy Newsletter (November 9, 2010)"
Reminds me of a wedding I was at, a few weeks ago. I was standing on one side of the tunnel, welcoming the beaming newly weds out of the ceremony. Opposite to me was a lady of large bones. As she raised her arms to throw the confetti, the elastic seemed to snap in the pants part of the pant suit she was wearing. Her pants dropped to the floor in a puddle, leaving her standing in her rather skimpy white panties. It didnt help that I had a cup of fruit cocktail I was drinking, which I proceeded to spray out through my nose, sending me into a choking fit, as she wildly scrambled for her pants. The exercise of scrambling for pants, could not be done in a ladylike manner, hence her neighbours were given an unprecedented view of her posterior.
Talk about an unforgettable view! Thanks for the feedback, Chris. 
Some feedback from my last Comedy Newsletter. "Comedy Newsletter (December 7, 2010)"
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
The holidays sure can be crazay, especially when some things have to go a certain way.
You can say that again!
billwilcox
Now that's what I'm talking about...a Christmas tree for every room in the house.
You are incorrigible WebWitch, Merry Christmas!
Shhhh! I don't want WL to guess my plan for next year. Thanks, Bill! I hope your Christmas was wonderful.
drjim
Ah yes, once again, I see WW's sanguine search for a benign pine amidst the New England landscape has ceased! THATS THE SPIRIT! Instead of you trailing WS through a vast tract of overgrown evergreen, complete with various other flora and fauna ripping at your clothing & face, and all the while watch idly by at his afternoon of indecision that FINALLY guided him to his idea of 'the perfect tree', you've decided to put away all that nonsense once and for all! Thank God, there IS a Santa Claus somewhere in our reasoning, hence -" Its the reason for the season". LOL. Actually, WW, you & I gathered that making a 14 footer into a 8 footer presented challenges aplenty, but the top of the tree, usually sharp as it is, would be solidly crammed into the ceiling, therefore relieving us of having to set up the tree stand! AMAZING LOGIC, but hell on the ceiling! I praise you for your restraint this year and ... your home loves you all the more!
Merry Xmas
WL
It was a Merry Christmas, Doc. I'm glad you liked my new way to hunt for the Web-House family tree trees!
Coolhand
I loved your holiday tree experiment,WW. The main thing is you had a great time...and it was funny. Great stuff!
Thanks Coolhand! It's always great to hear from you.  I'm happy you enjoyed the Newsletter.
LJPC - the tortoise
Ahh, Webwitch. Only you could decide not to go on a Christmas tree hunt and yet end up with THREE TREES!! Weblock must be a very patient lucky man. I'm wishing you a happy and pine-scented holiday season! 
-- Laura
Thanks, Laura! WL has learned that there's always a method to my madness. I just make sure there is plenty of Christmas spirit--I mean spirits around for the season.
Thanks for the feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it. 
I wish you a fabulous New Year filled with lots of love and laughter!
WW
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Comedy: January 05, 2011 Issue [#4135]
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