  Comedy
This week: Just Don't Bug Me! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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We're going to take a little trip back in WW's time machine.
Parents have so many obstacles to overcome. This is one that has the "ick" factor and it always will.
Wonder how WW dealt with it? Read on, my friends, read on... |
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LICE! not my child!!!
I first came across this affliction, when I moved to California. It is every parent's nightmare.
You can't just use some over the counter remedy, just once. NO! You have to spend the money, use that item, wait two or three weeks and use it again.Wait another seven to ten days to make sure you got all the eggs that could hatch. 
I was in a state of shock when a note came home from the local public school confirming a child had a case of lice and that I as a parent should inspect my child/children's head to see if there is a lice infestation developing. No, don't let them be on my children!"
I went to Catholic school when I was growing-up. Lice were not allowed there as far as I know. I think that it had something to do with tuition and the nuns being able to hit us any time they wanted. 
My neighbor down the street, proudly told me that since she was black and had a lot of oils on her skin, lice could not live on her or her family. Oh, so lice are racists? They only like lighter skin? That's not very fair! She suggested using baby oil, which is basically, mineral oil. I proceeded to buy-out the local "Safeway's" supply. I know, I know, overkill.
I was determined to keep my children lice-free. I would oil their heads whether they needed it or not, that night, after supper. So what if they have to put up with greasy hair for the next ten shampoos?!!
It seems that any child with lice who is in close approximity to another child without lice, will inevitably get that shared lout and loutess, who are hell-bent on having a family in the hair follicles of their human host.
Not my child, not my child! I chanted that over and over again.
My dear friend stopped by my house for a visit. After telling him about the note from school, he told me that when his other friend's family got lice, they used lamp oil to kill the dreaded creature and any of its off-spring at the same time. It just took one dousing of the burning, smelly, oil.
Hmm, that sounds like a reasonable treatment. Kill 'em all at one treatment! Ice the lice! Yes, that's what I'll do if it should ever happen to my child. 
While we were sipping coffee, I realized that I hadn't heard the kids making any noise for the last few minutes. Now, every parent knows that quiet children means trouble.  I excused myself to check on the little angels.
When I entered the play-room, I saw one daughter checking another daughter's hair. My heart sank, because I had the note that warned about the possibility of an entire classroom out-break of lice. I looked closer and there it was! The tiny, white, infiltrator, knitting its way through my child's locks. You see one, there's got to be hundreds!
That night, I lined-up four daughters. They knelt down by the tub, covering their eyes with a cold, wet facecloth, as I poured the sacred lamp oil upon their heads.
Thank God I'm not a smoker! 
The next day, my girls were lice-free, and, they had the shiniest hair around. It seems that the lamp oil strips away all of the built-up soap and oils that can linger on the hair for a long time. 
Go figure! I discovered a new hair beautifying treatment at that very disturbing time of motherhood. Thank you, my beloved friend, Bryce, for the instant cure!
I dedicate this edition of the Comedy Newsletter to my very best friend, Bryce. He loved to laugh, had a great sense of humor and was always there when needed. He recently passed-away. May he rest in peace. 
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch |
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THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! 
I'm saving this Newsletter in my inbox. I'm going to use it as documentary evidence when you need to be trussed into a strait-jacket and dragged out of Farm-ville. Don't thank me, it's the least I can do ..
Oh, no! Do you mean that FarmVille is a place that I should avoid, too?!! Oh, goodness, where shall I go next? Perhaps, PokerVille will be safe.
Thanks Sonali for looking out for my best interest! You are a true blue, friend. BTW, you wouldn't happen to be playing Mafia Wars, would you?
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
Games are always crazy. I would know. I play Runescape, and that can be a challenge, trying to be the right level to fight this monster, cut down a tree, mine some ore, make an awesome weapon, hard.
You're right! It must be some sort of conspiracy.
You wouldn't happen to be playing Mafia Wars, would you?
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW!
Thanks for the silly NL. I hope you're taking it easy in Farmville...though casinos are all sparkly and 'icing rats' kinda sounds like fun  ... No! Back to the barn to milk cows!
-- Laura
Hmmmmm. How many bonus points can I get by milking cows? We'll talk about that, Laura. 
Jeff 
Ahh, Mafia Wars. I used to be so addicted to those Facebook games. Come to think of it, I wonder if my properties are still accumulating income? 
The funniest thing about those games is how you get all your Facebook friends involved... and since I have so many family members on Facebook, I'll inevitably see messages like, "[YOUR AUNT] has sent you a pair of brass knuckles to help with a raid on [YOUR UNCLE]" or "[YOUR MOTHER] has requested your help murdering a rival mob boss." 
Forget them! I'm here, now and willing to fight your foe. What do say? Wanna play?!!!
NickiD89 
Too funny! Haven't played any of these games, but now I'm tempted. ("Farmville." *snort*!)
You go, girl! I'll be honored if you join my family.
drjim
Yes, WW, I HAD 'left' The Mob briefly to take a little vacation in... where the heck was it? Oh yes! The backyard! Remember the 40 pepper plants I had to plant- not to mention carrots, squash, snow peas, etc. It was going great until...'THUNK!"... my spade hit something soft, yet strangely hard too (theme from 'The Godfather' plays softly in the background)... giving credence to that time-worn adage, "Shoot, Shovel and Shut The FRACK Up!" Anyhoo, GREAT NL!! What did the cleaner bill come out to be?
Sorry, WL, but you left the Family, no matter how briefly, we had to carry on without you. You still have more mending to do among the rest of your soldiers. As for me, well, a double supply of energy and while it lasts, some stamina, too!
Remember, dear one, the Mob never forgets! The cleaner bill? Do you mean of that suit that fell into the brush pile, that you burned yesterday? Hmmmmmmmmmmm?
2whimsical
Very funny. I've had some seemingly innocent activities that transformed in to vampirous things too. Run for your life!
It's too late! I am beyond help. Oh, the humanities!!! I have had a brief encounter with Vampire Wars, but the people in that game really suck. 
Thank you for all of your feedback, folks! We editors really appreciate it.
See you next month!
WW
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Comedy: July 20, 2011 Issue [#4508]
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