  Mystery
This week: Mundane Conspiracies Edited by: Jeff  
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"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
-- Carl Sagan
Random Mystery Trivia of the Week: It's no secret that James Patterson works more and more frequently with co-authors. Prior to 2004, he published no more than three new books a year. Since 2005, he's published far more: 2005 (4 books); 2006 (5 books), 2007 (6 books); 2008 (7 books), 2009 (9 books), 2010 (9 books), 2011 (11 books), 2012 (scheduled for 12 books). There is some criticism, though, that Patterson's work with collaborators (and accusations of them doing the lion's share of the work) is the reason why he's able to be so prolific, and that he doesn't deserve to hold his Guinness World Record for the most entries on the New York Times Bestseller List (45). Since 2005, Patterson has put out 43 of his 63 books with eighteen different co-authors. The terms of their working agreements are kept confidential, but Patterson has said that his co-authors write the first draft and he writes subsequent drafts. Some conspiracy theorists claim that Patterson really does little more than a quick polish after the books are basically done. 
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MUNDANE CONSPIRACIES
Ever wonder why "QWERTY" keyboards are laid out the way they are? It almost seems like the letters are arranged at random, but the truth is that there's a very deliberate design to them. The most popular keyboard configuration in the world was designed in the early 1870s with the invention of one of the first typewriters. That typewriter used characters that were mounted on typebars (metal arms that swung up to impress the character on the paper), which would often get crossed-over and jammed when two neighboring letters were pressed in quick succession. As a result, they designed a keyboard that minimized the number of frequently-used keys that were next to each other (like "st" or "th" or "an"). Our familiar keyboard layout also has the disadvantage of only one vowel on the home row, and the most frequently-used letters being located on the left-side of the keyboard requiring the majority of (right-hand dominant) users to have to user their weaker/slower hand to type those words. (Interestingly, thousands of words in the English language can be spelled using only the keys for the left hand, while only a couple hundred can be spelled using only the keys for the right hand).
Some unsubstantiated conspiracy theories include believing that this keyboard was designed this way to specifically slow down typists (some studies have shown that learning a more efficient keyboard layout could as much as double our typing speed), but that may just be a side-effect of the anti-jamming layout.
One might wonder, though, with the invention of computers and, even before that, Selectric and other ball-type typewriters (where there is no jamming issue), why we still use the QWERTY keyboard if the purpose was merely to avoid jamming. There are a variety of other typewriter layouts available (all far less common), including the Dvorak keyboard developed in the 1930s, the Colemak keyboard , and the Blickensderfer "DHIATENSOR" keyboard, named after its proposed home row which can purportedly generate 70% of the words in the English language (as of 1893) using only those ten characters.
Conspiracy theorists may not have much evidence to support the argument that the QWERTY keyboard was specifically created to slow typists down, but why - in this day and age where no one has had to worry about jamming typebars for decades - is the QWERTY keyboard still the standard when there are other more efficient options? Some have claimed that the reason is that by the time a more efficient keyboard was proposed, there was already too much of a typing industry built around the QWERTY layout (keyboard manufacturers, typing education classes and programs, etc.); that it just wasn't good business to encourage consumers to seek out a more efficient computer layout that everyone would have to re-learn, even if it was more efficient for typists.
What the history of the keyboard goes to show is that not every conspiracy theory has to involve a rogue government agency, or black ops, or an epic power struggle between elite opponents. Conspiracies could just as easily involve cheating at a carnival game at the county fair, or stealing money from the local church, or sabotaging a competing funeral parlor's business. In the world of mystery fiction, there's a tendency to assume that "conspiracy" means a huge undertaking that involves high-profile individuals, billions of dollars, secret societies, or even governments. In reality, "conspiracy" is merely defined as criminal plotting involving two or more people. Conspiracies could be as simple as trying to suppress/undermine the popularity of a more efficient competitor (keyboard), or allowing your co-author to do more than half the work. 
When it comes to writing conspiracies, remember that there will always be a place for the grand, Robert Ludlum-type global conspiracies that impact the entire population of the planet. But there are just as many (if not more) mundane conspiracies that could involve co-workers, friends, family, or even complete strangers who happen to be two (or more) people with a common criminal interest. When you're writing your next conspiracy theory, consider that they don't always have to be some grand machination... sometimes they can be as mundane as the arrangement of letters on that thing you use to put words on your screen.
Until next time,
-- Jeff
QUESTION OF THE WEEK: What conspiracies do you believe really exist?
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This week, I would encourage you to check out the following mystery items:
Adam hit the upload button. Soon, thousands would be reading his latest blog entry and the Illuminati would be weakened yet again. The more people who knew how they operated, how they owned the Mainstream Media, the harder it would be for them to continue their plans for global slavery.
The following is a transcription of the findings from the State of Wisconsin Department of Health and Human Services wrongful death investigation initiated by Ombudsman Harold Reimer at the request of the family of Robert Hauser Sr., resident of Sandhill Longterm Care and Respite Center of Carol's Crossing Wisconsin. Robert Hauser Sr. had been a resident at Sandhill Longterm Care Center for two months prior to the incidents in question. Mr. Hauser's medical history included: Alzheimer's, senile dementia, hypertension, clinical depression, status post radical prostatectomy June 1996 secondary to prostate cancer, failure to thrive, gastro-entero reflux disease, and a history of skin cancer.
This trip had me even more apprehensive. I've been sent to some pretty exotic locations over the years, and had learned fast about the blurry line between the definitions of the words 'exotic' and downright 'primitive' but this trip was neither. I wasn't landing in somewhere as austere as Katmandu, or even as battle torn and hazardous as the facility formerly known as 'Saddam Hussein International Airport,' outside Baghdad (I went there once before many years before with a colleague who was doing a story on the Mesopotamian empire). This time, as I looked out the window, I saw the Golden Gate Bridge, Angel Island, and Jack London Square. This time, I was flying into the very modern, very safe port of call known as Oakland International in Oakland California.
The place of refuge that I had chosen for myself was substantial enough to ensure my survival for an indefinite period of time. I was aware of the fact that eventually I would succumb, I just didn't know when the timeframe was. For the time being I was as safe as I could possibly be; after all, I was underground in my own backyard in Troy, Alabama. My shelter contained just enough food, water, and lighting to last me up until the appointed time that I pass from this earth. I would undoubtedly die, but it wouldn't be by the hands of them. Who am I referring to, and why am I living in my underground storm cellar?
High in the jungle canopy, a brightly-coloured parrot watched a woman far below. The woman lay on the jungle floor, sweating, convulsing, her eyes rolled back in her head. "She's been like this all day," a gruff male voice stated. "What do you think is wrong with her, Angus?" a female voice inquired. "No idea, Ruth, no idea," Angus replied.
Footsteps clanged harshly against the metal grill walkway outside making Kyle frown slightly: the ringing clash was a discord his music did not need. But he was too relaxed to care unduly. The warmth of the spring day; the blissful sensation of his musical creativity and his impending release all had transformed him into a picture of tranquillity. If things had gone differently, Kyle could well have become a musician and right now for one short minute he wished they had. But then he stopped thinking and allowed his hands to express himself.
Clouds gathered in the sky as the day continued. In the early evening, there was a chill to the air, and it began to rain. Soon enough, it was pouring, and the crowd dissipated. All except for that one young man, who continued to lay on the grass near the National Gallery of Art, eyes closed, hands behind his head.
Joe put his full force behind the keyboard as he swung it at the younger man's head, using his momentum to lift him from the chair in a sweeping arc. The bespectacled man hadn't expected the sixty-eight year old to attack, but dodged away just quickly enough for the keyboard to cut the air beside his ear. Joe stepped forward as he reversed the stroke of his improvised weapon, determined to chase off this upstart and so have the time he needed to finish his work. As the stranger backed away, Joe continued to follow him, his famous shock-white hair giving him the halo of an avenging angel. The keyboard faltered mid-swing as Joe reached the full extent of the cable that tied it to the computer still sitting on the antique desk beside the bay window. Knowing that he had lost the initiative, the elderly professor stepped back, frantically searching for a better means of defence. So much for the pen being mightier than the sword, he thought wryly.
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Mystery: January 18, 2012 Issue [#4833]
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And you're definitely right, one of those would definitely do the trick for 'ol St. Nick. Although I've always wondered how he would keep so many toys and gifts organized inside the bag. It doesn't seem very practical to have to rummage through a ginormous sack for a specific item every time! 
