  Action/Adventure
This week: Edited by: W.D.Wilcox  
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The old man was walking along the side of the Pacific Coast Highway in Santa Monica, gripping a fistful of plastic grocery bags. His salt-and-pepper hair was filthy and hanging in that sagging parody of a Rastafarian hairdo that most homeless men seem to get, white or black. He wore a once-khaki jacket stained with oil and dirt and grass and faded with sunlight. His hands were covered with gardening gloves.
--Magic Street, by Orson Scott Card
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Polish Your Jewels
I've seen pictures of the Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian. At 45 carats, it is big and blue and buxom, but not beautiful. Smaller gems have more facets and reflect light more brilliantly.
The same can be true of writing. The author of a great big novel should not waste a syllable, but he will, and, chances are, given the setting, the reader will not notice. The shorter the story though, the more precious each word is. So polish your jewels.
Writing with natural sound, Charles Kuralt was the master of making each word -- each pause -- count:
"I have fallen in love with American names," wrote the poet Stephen Vincent Benet.
Well, really -- how could you not? Not if you've been to Lick Skillet, Texas, and Bug Tussle, and Nip and Tuck, and Cut and Shoot. In California you can travel from Humbug Flat to Lousy Level, with a detour to Gouge Eye.
Could the good people of Sleepy Eye, Minnesota, use some Hot Coffee, Mississippi, to wake them up?
You can go from Matrimony, North Carolina, to Caress, Virginia -- or from Caress to Matrimony.
I have passed time in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky, and Bowlegs and Tombstone, Big Chimney and Bull Town. And I liked Dwarf, Kentucky, though it's just a little town.
I have fallen in love with American names. How could anybody not?"
Robert Louis Stevenson was also struck by the wealth upon our maps. He wrote, "There is not part of the world where nomenclature is so rich, poetical, humorous, and picturesque, as the United States of America." He called our country a "songful, tuneful land."
That's it, the whole essay.
I have learned that short writing forms have three peculiar strengths. Their brevity can give them a focused power; it creates opportunity for wit; and it inspires the writer to polish, to reveal the luster of the language. Kuralt's essay exemplifies all three, capturing the power of the American language with witty examples off the American map, each clever name another facet cut into the diamond.
How about this piece by Jeff Elder, who wrote this response to a query about the extinction of an American species:
"Passenger pigeons looked like mourning doves, but more colorful, with wine-red breasts, green necks and long blue tail feathers.
In 1800, there were 5 billion in North America. They were in such abundance that the new technology of the Industrial Revolution was enthusiastically employed to kill them. Telegraphs tracked their migration. Enormous roosts were gassed from trees while they slept. They were shipped to market in rail car after rail car after rail car. Farmers bought two dozen birds for a dollar, as hog feed.
In one human generation, America's most populous native bird was wiped out.
There's a stone wall in Wisconsin's Wyalusing State Park. On it is a bronze plaque of a bird. It reads: "This species became extinct through the avarice and thoughtlessness of man."
I can appreciate this piece, because of its many shiny facets. Here are some of the things I noticed:
 "The phrase 'rail car after rail car after rail car' actually looks like a rail car."
"The phrase 'were gassed' carries connotations of a holocaust."
"The first paragraph is filled with natural imagery; but the second contains the language of destructive technology."
"Given their extinction, it is fitting that the pigeons looked like 'mourning' doves. The author takes advantage of that coincidence."
Find the shortest story you have written in the last year. Try revising it so that every word works--every word counts.
Until next time,
billwilcox
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Fast and Furious Feedback
Deelyte- Chillin'  says:
Thanks for the mention in the NL. I appreciate it! Never realized how the short, choppy sentences played into creating action. Thanks for the tips.
You’re welcome, D.
Rooster Roo quips:
Thank you for the excellent action sequence-writing tip. I know just what I will do with it: write on! Until next time W.D. Wilcox.
Rooster Rou
Until next time Rooster...lol
Puditat pants:
You had my eyes racing each other to read your example of an action scene, Bill. Can I breathe now?
 Yeah, Pudi, you can breathe now.
E. Ericson gratefully comments:
You have no idea how much this edition has helped me. I don't have any action scenes in my story yet but I'll be sure to keep your tips in mind. I was unsure about how to write out a fight scene so that it conveyed the interest it deserved. Thanks again.
Always glad to help. 
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Action/Adventure: August 24, 2005 Issue [#569]
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