  Spiritual
This week: What Money Can Buy. My Gratitude. Or ... Edited by: THANKFUL SONALI RIP BIKERIDER  
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The best things in life are free. That's true.
But there are things that money can buy, that can speak for an individual, and a relationship.
This newsletter is about the gifts that money can buy. |
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Dear Reader,
I have to start by confessing that it was ingratitude that led to the topic for this newsletter. In this instance, I'm the ungrateful one, and maybe I ought to be ashamed of being ungrateful.
To tell you the truth, I'm confused about my own ingratitude. I'm trying to be ashamed, but I also, deep down inside, feel that it is justified in some way.
Here's the story.
My neighbour and I are good friends. We go shopping together, and often buy gifts for each other at bargain-basement sales, when the other knows the exact monetary value of the gift (that it was cheap!  ).
We've done that innumerable times over the last six or seven years, since we became friends, and it has suited us fine. Also, my neighbour occasionally gives me hand-me-down (foot me down?) shoes, because her size and mine are the same and she buys shoes often, since she plays golf and needs newish shoes at all times. I give her stuff that I am not using at home. We have this easy, informal relationship.
Till, on my last birthday, she decided that she wanted to buy me a really expensive gift, a 'proper' gift as she called it.
At first, I protested. I was happy enough with the gifts we were exchanging, they were 'proper' enough for me, I didn't need something expensive.
She was adamant.
So, I told her a few of the things I wanted, that I wasn't splurging on myself, that maybe she could get me. The first couple of Harry Potters with the new illustrations. Or some nice necklaces that I had seen at one of those sales, that were more expensive than the other items.
She pooh-poohed all my suggestions.
Then she phoned, to say that she and her husband were on their way to the crystal-shop to buy me a crystal-gift.
I definitely didn't want a crystal-gift.
I called her back three times, but she wouldn't listen.
Finally, she bought me:
It's branded and it's beautiful. A bit uncomfortable to grip when writing, and when you do write, it's like an ordinary ballpoint pen, that costs two-hundredth the price of this one. That's right, you could've bought two hundred ordinary, perfectly nice ballpoint pens for the price of this one.
And here's why I feel a wee-bit ungrateful:
1. She knows my values. I'm not a brand-conscious person, and I don't like to come across as such. I definitely won't use this pen in the schools where I teach, because that's not what I want to be using in front of the students. I like using ordinary pens, or even those made of recycled newspaper, to give my students the message I feel is important. I'm sort of stuck using a not-very-comfortable pen at home. I took it out a couple of times on non-teaching occasions, and nobody even noticed it. (I guess I'm grateful for that!) Then, I had to watch out that I didn't leave it about or lose it. The pen became more of a focus than it should have, for me, along with the notes I was taking with it.
2. We are frank with each other, and she was frank enough to tell me the gift, and I was frank enough to say there were other items I'd have liked better. (The necklaces (set of two) were one-third the cost of this pen, by the way.) I sort of feel that neither of us respected the other, in the exchange - and it struck a jarring note in our otherwise same-wavelength friendship.
Why I ought to be grateful, and thus my confusion:
1. She gave me a gift. She remembered my birthday and got me something to celebrate. I ought to be grateful for that.
2. She does value branded items. While one side of her shops at bargain-basement sales, another side of her is very label-conscious, and the parties she attends and people she socialises with are the type to notice such stuff. Given that, she did try to meet me halfway, in presenting me with a pen, since I'm a writer. So, within her value-system, she accommodated my needs.
The thing is - it would've cost her the same amount of money, or rather, one-third the amount, to get me those necklaces. I'd have used them and been delighted with them and grateful for them without needing to talk myself into feeling gratitude. I'm not sure how much the individual new-edition Harry Potters cost, but given the price of the boxed set, I think she could've got me at least two of them and still been within budget.
So - she could've met me all the way, and chose to meet me halfway.
Why?
Because, I think, gifts that money can buy have to satisfy the needs of not only the recipient, but the giver as well.
She needs to be able to put a rupee-amount on a gift, and feel she has satisfied something in her. She needs to be able to think she gave me a nice branded item, something I would not have bought for myself. And hey, I'm a writer and what more does a writer want than a real-crystal-pen? I mean, it'll be the envy of all my writer friends, won't it? (Is it, by the way, readers? Are you currently  green with jealousy that I have that pretty pen?) I mean, who is going to envy just another ordinary necklace, or a Harry Potter book, even if the illustrations in it are new?
Therefore - if she met me halfway and bought something that she thought was right for me, I ought to meet her halfway and be grateful for it. I ought to stop feeling holier-than-thou about my lack of appreciation for branded objects, admit I enjoy looking at the crystals twinkling as I write, and stop whining.
I'm struggling with that, and while I'm not as resentful as I was when she first handed me the gift, I'm not yet overwhelmed with gratitude, either.
I was wondering whether this was an appropriate topic for this newsletter, and decided to go with it. It's something I'm grappling with and I feel that I'm being - well - pestiferous. That I deserve a nice knock on the knuckles, or a sharp tug at the ear, and an admonishing - 'behave yourself'.
Maybe you'd tell me what you think ...
In the meantime ...
Thanks for reading this far!
- Sonali
PS: The topic of 'gifts' has fascinated me for a while now. I'd done a more general newsletter on it some years ago. "Spiritual Newsletter (December 21, 2010)" . This week's issue arose specifically from my ingratitude for a gift! |
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A big 'Thank You!' to those who responded to "Spiritual Newsletter (December 18, 2013)"
I loved this NL, Sonali. It's about real life. Assuming something out of context. This NL is full of plot fodder. What if's? ran through my head like a ticker tape machine. Each one of the commentators are a character in a story. We see them, we hear them, and WHAT IF you created a story with them? I'm saving this NL for after I've finished revising my novel. I will write a story with these characters. - Quick-Quill 
Very creative. Funny what people say isn't it? Isn't it good when someone can just be themselves? Keep writing! - sunnystarr
Wooooow, this is my reality every time I see my mom, grandmother, or younger aunt UGH wish folks weren't so obsessed with processed hair, I don't think my natural will ever be good enough for them....mentioned this struggle a bit in Entry: Sensitive Topic - A*Monaing*Faith |
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Spiritual: February 12, 2014 Issue [#6138]
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