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This week: Show! Don't Tell Edited by: ember_rain
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We all do it. From the average sixth grader writing their first short story, to the seasoned Mod with several books under their belt, we all do it. We all say it too--Show! Don't Tell. But, what does that really mean? We all know the example. "Don't tell me he walked across the floor. Show me he walked across the floor." Doesn't really help does it. How are we suppose to show? What is it that is holding back our ability to show? The answer:
Passive Voice
What exactly do I mean by passive voice?
The car is blue. Okay what do we know from that sentence? We know the subject is a car and that the car is in a state of being blue. Do we know if the car moves? Do we know how it moves? Do we know anything about this car other than the fact it is blue? No, we don't.
Active Voice
The blue car raced down the hill in the driver's search for ice cream.
Now what do we know about the car? We know that it is blue. We know that it is currently racing down a hill. We know it has a driver that likes ice cream. By simply changing the verb from a "to be" or "state of being" verb, also known as a linking verb, (Links the subject to a state of being) we allow ourselves room to not just "show" the action but to provide much more info about the state of the car's being than just that it's blue.
So now that we have established what passive voice is. Lets establish what it isn't.
It isn't a grammar issue. I can feel Katzendragonz  glaring at me right now. It is often taught as a grammar issue, I believe because it helps get the seriousness of the situation through the minds of people like me who love passive voice. Do I want published? Sure. Do I want to self publish? Maybe/Maybe not, I haven't made up my mind yet. If I want published by a publishing house, then I have to watch the "to be" verbs. I know this. What I also know... This is as much a stylization issue as my choosing to use an ellipse instead of a colon is.
I tease her of course. She is an amazing teacher and I am honored that she is going to allow me to take over the Grammar Garden at New Horizons next semester. The truth is, if you're a newbie at writing you should avoid passive voice pretty much at all costs in your fiction writing until you have a good grasp of active voice. In order to get that grasp you must understand what constitutes as active and passive voice.
It is an important stylization tool that must be used wisely and carefully. So when can you use it?
Dialogue
"James is at the creek. They caught a mess of crappy, if you want to go down and help," Sara called through screen door, wiping her hands on her worn apron.
I don't think I have to say that the setting for this is a southern town. The dialogue does that for you. If you're choosing between writing in passive voice or trying to be Uncle Remus, writing accented dialogue that possibly only you can understand--go with the passive voice dialogue.
Without the use of passive voice, no writer in the world could capture dialogue correctly. Without passive voice there would be no Yoda. We have linking verbs for a reason. That reason isn't for narration in fiction but for language clarification. How else is your character going to be able to tell her friends that her new car is a blue convertible? In dialogue it works despite the limits on its descriptive nature. In narration it takes the story right out of "Story Telling" and leaves you with just the tell.
Scientific Papers.
Are you writing about the boiling point of different liquids? The point at which different solids become liquids and different liquids become solid? If yes, then by all means use passive voice. If not, then you might want to try to find a more active way to say things.
So how do we fix passive voice?
First we have to understand that active voice means that our characters are acting on something.
The blue car raced down the hill. In this sentence, the blue car acted upon the hill.
"If you're looking for James, go down to the creek. They caught a mess of crappy." No longer is James in a state of being with the creek. Now, "you" are in the position of looking for James at the creek." The action is now on you and not James or the creek.
Secondly, we have to ask ourselves: Is the actor, unknown or irrelevant?
Do we need to be deliberately vague?
Is it a universal or generally accepted truth?
You want to emphasis a person or thing that is being acted upon.
One Last Tip
here are a couple out there for fiction writers that might help somewhat. For the most part, expecting a grammar checker to catch something that is a stylization issue, rather than a grammar error, is about the same as my expecting spell check to know when I mean "there" instead of "their" or as Katzendragonz pointed out, "your" and "you're"
Now get out there and start editing for passive voice. I know you can do it!
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Noticing Newbies: July 02, 2014 Issue [#6401]
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