  Spiritual
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"Perception equals projection. The way you view people is the way you will treat them." ~ Trudy Vesotsky
This newsletter is a continuation of last month's "Follow the Leader" newsletter, both of which were inspired by a series of conversations I had with a friend of mine.
My friend felt she was being singled out--picked on and discriminated against by her supervisor. "It's been going on for months," she said. "Years, even. I get pulled into the principal's office for piddly things others get away with every single day. She [her supervisor] just doesn't like me, and that's fine. I wasn't hired to be her friend, but it's rendered her incapable of objectivity. It's like she's looking for things to chastise me about. Making things up. I ignored it until a few months ago. I just kept my head down, avoided her as much as possible, and did my job, but now that they're basing our bonuses on our yearly evaluations.... Until March everyone got the same bonus. I knew she was going to screw me over, and she did. I got a terrible eval. Six months ago I started keeping a log of all the discriminatory incidents. Dates, times, the whole nine. I feel like I have to protect myself. I'm in defense mode now that it's affecting my livelihood."
"What are you going to do?" I asked.
"I met with my supervisor's supervisor on Thursday."
"How'd it go?"
"Better than I expected, actually. I wish I'd done it sooner."
In a nutshell, my friend's supervisor's supervisor thinks her immediate supervisor has a perception of my friend that is influencing how the supervisor treats her. Interestingly enough the immediate supervisor has since stepped down, but the supervisor's supervisor raised a few valid points during their meeting that have really made my friend (and subsequently me) think. According to my friend, this is a paraphrased version of what she said:
"I'm going to tell you a story. Years ago I was the brand new boss of my department, and I decided to do peer reviews because I didn't think I knew the staff well enough to offer them fair performance evaluations. I also welcomed their anonymous peer reviews of me. I was surprised to learn that some of the employees saw me as being cold, uncaring, unsympathetic, hard. My feelings were hurt, but I decided to take the bull by the horns at our next staff meeting and wrote some of the comments I'd received on the grease board. I asked them if this was really how they viewed me, and some of them nodded their heads. I was stunned because I knew I wasn't any of those things, but for whatever reason some people perceived me as such. I knew I had to go to my mountain. 'Go to your mountain,' my dad always used to say. He meant it was time for me to go somewhere alone, dig deep and look inside. I thought, Do I need to change who I am to make people happy, or do I just need to change how I come across and express myself to others? Essentially, how do I want to be perceived? So I made a list. I wanted to be perceived as strong yet caring, competent yet approachable, efficient yet compassionate, professional yet personable. I spent days on that list, and I made the necessary changes to make it so. I'm still the same person I was, but I'm more cognizant of how I express that personhood, and people perceive me differently."
I LOVE this! I was so excited when my friend told me this story. It was an a-ha moment for me, and I instantly saw the wisdom and simple beauty of the advice. I rushed home and started making my own list.
How do you want to be perceived, and what, if any, changes need to be made to make it so? Go to your mountain, put some serious thought into your list, reply to this newsletter, and I'll post your comments in next month's newsletter.
Thank you for reading.
"There is no truth. There is only perception." ~ Gustave Flaubert
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I hope you enjoy this week's featured selections. Please do the authors the courtesy of reviewing the ones you read. Thank you, and have a great week!
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How my nosey dog and a sleepy raccoon led me on a Lenten pilgrimage
#1758434 by Lindy  |
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The following is in response to "Follow the Leader" :
gardengirl writes, "I always look forward to your newsletters, Shannon. Beautifully-written and truly touching, thank you for another inspiring read.  " Aw, thank you so much, GG! I'm glad you liked it. 
Elfin Dragon-finally published  writes, "Discrimination comes in many forms. My father once told me that I can even discriminate against the food which is placed in front of me. When I asked him how he told me that if I have a preconceived idea of how the food will taste (and I've never had it before) and I then refuse to eat it based upon that preconceived idea I have just discriminated against my food. It's something to consider. So now, no matter what, if I've never eaten an item before I go in with an open mind. And guess what? I enjoy a lot of new foods. People are the same way. If you approach them with an open mind and no preconceived ideas of what they're like you are then open to a new experience and possible friendship. Or, at the very least, you know the person better." Oh my gosh, I LOVE this! "If you approach them with an open mind and no preconceived ideas of what they're like you are then open to a new experience and possible friendship. Or, at the very least, you know the person better." Well said, and the food discrimination is a beautiful new perspective that applies to the way we view the world, really. Thank you for sharing! 
The following is in response to "The Transformative Power of Prayer"
Elfin Dragon-finally published writes, "I know I'm far behind in reading the newsletters, but your newsletter on the Power of Prayer moved me. I grew up with prayer in my life and for me it's not just a moment of surrender but also that moment of thanks. I also believe that praying for someone you don't like is a very liberating experience and worth the effort." Aw. You're so sweet. Thank you for taking the time to respond to the February NL. I'm glad you enjoyed it.   
The following items were submitted by their authors:
About this submission, Chrisboik writes, "In line with the spiritual stories recently posted I thought I'd offer some musings of mine that I penned a few days ago. I'm not sure if it fits the genre but I'd appreciate some feedback if the time was available. Many thanks." |
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Spiritual: May 13, 2015 Issue [#6978]
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