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Comedy: July 01, 2015 Issue [#7071]

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Comedy


 This week: Hoarder and Chaos
  Edited by: Robert Waltz Author IconMail Icon
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Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

“...What do you do with all your money?"
"Me and the French hoard gold.”

         -Dashiell Hammett, The Thin Man

Do not discourage your children from hoarding, if they have a taste to it; whoever lays up his penny rather than part with it for a cake, at least is not the slave of gross appetite; and shows besides a preference always to be esteemed, of the future.
         -Samuel Johnson


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Letter from the editor

In my considered opinion, there are certain ethical values that are relatively easy to adhere to if you're relatively well-off. High on that list, I think, is the idea "it is wrong to steal." Now, ignoring for the moment that once you get past "relatively well-off" territory and into the land of, say, Wall Street and cable internet providers, such ethical considerations go right out the window, I'll specify the kind of stealing most people think of: you have a thing, I want the thing, so I wait until you announce your vacation on Faceback, then go over to your house and take the thing. Hypothetically speaking, that is; I'm relatively well-off, so I have no reason to take your thing.

This isn't necessarily the case for the less fortunate. In their case, hypothetically, you have a thing, and they want the thing because it can sell for enough money to maybe buy them a couple of meals. Or booze, which is equally important. I mean, people deride the homeless for spending the money they beg on booze, but really, if you were homeless, trust me, you'd need to drink, too.

My parents were old when I was born, and I'm old now, so they had clear, vivid memories of the Depression, when everyone except certain thieves were less fortunate and possibly homeless. Everyone who went through that period in American history, roughly the entire 1930s, developed attitudes that those of us born in later times of apparent plenty find odd, quaint, or downright weird. One such attitude can be summed up as:

"Save that. You might need it later."

I'm pretty sure that's what caused the Baby Boom a decade later. They decided that one or two babies wasn't enough and they had to make more, just in case.

Now, of course, despite at least three recessions and seven or eight wars (I've lost count) since that time, the popular attitude isn't "hold onto that thing" but "get rid of that thing." Partly, this is because over the past 80 or so years, the primary purpose of the US economy has shifted from making things to selling things, and they can't sell you things if you already have things.

The other day, I was looking for my drill. I couldn't find it, so I called my ex. "Hey, ex, did you 'borrow' my drill?" "Yes," she said. "You hardly ever used it."

"Well, yeah, but now I need it." I suppose that, according to "hoarding" guidelines, if I haven't used something for a year, I should give it to my ex instead (or something). Then, when I need to drill a thing, I should go out and buy a new drill to support the American economy instead of 'borrowing' it back from my ex, which could possibly be construed as illegal depending on whether I told her I was borrowing it or not. (Okay, to be fair, we bought it when we weren't exes yet, so she had as much of a claim on it as I did.)

I know a guy who collected Legos. He has vast boxes and crates of them. Hasn't built a Lego thing in years and years, but still has the bricks. I don't ask him why he keeps the old Legos around; it's not just because of sentimental reasons, but because if, at some point, he gets it in his head to build a Lego version of the Tower of Sauron or something, he'll have the materials right there and wouldn't have to go buy more. Good for him; bad for Lego and sellers of Lego. I really should put a (TM) after each Lego (TM), but come on, we all know Lego is trademarked.

So don't listen to the TV when it tells you to throw away your perfectly good stuff. The TV is there to sell you things, and it can't sell you things if you already have things, so they're not exactly unbiased. Now, I'm not saying it's not possible to go too far with this - you really don't need that stack of empty pizza boxes or the couch which made it through World War II and now sports multiple war scars - but throwing things away is something that only the very well-off really have the ability to do.

And then, only if they've successfully hoarded money with which to buy new things.


Editor's Picks

Some funnies being hoarded in people's portfolios:

 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 HOW'S ABOUT THEM BANKSTERS Open in new Window. [E]
little poem after Mason Williams ... waaay after
by Thunderpen Author Icon


 Two Left Feet Open in new Window. [E]
Cade tries to impress a girl with magic.
by Em returns to writing Author Icon


 Destination - Supremacy Open in new Window. [E]
Developing one more tool towards writing purity
by MessyInk Author Icon


 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 Candy Smokes Open in new Window. [ASR]
About a Candy being sold in Cigaratte packages. FeedBack Appreciated.
by labentman Author Icon

 
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Word from Writing.Com

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Ask & Answer

Last time, in "Here and ThereOpen in new Window., I talked about the need to travel to get different perspectives.

Quick-Quill Author Icon: I love Billy Crystal's 700 Sunday book and monologue. When he talks about wanting to be a comedian at age 9 then goes on to yell how he reworked the jokes he heard, i was in hysterics. I could picture him. Its timing and using incidents we all experience with a twist.

         Haven't experienced much of his comedy. I'll have to give it a try.


Mummsy Author Icon: So does this newsletter imply that you'll be traveling again soon? Or am I reading too much into it?

         It implies that I've had it on my mind. *Pthb*


Elfin Dragon-finally published Author Icon: I love your comedy "humorist" travel reasons. And all of them are very true and one of the reasons I love listening to all different types of comedians. I think "Political Humor" has the license on the world travel of whose the biggest dummy arena. All you have to do is listen to Comedy Central's "Daily Show" with Jon Stewart or comedian Lewis Black. On the flip side are comedians like Jeff Dunham, Jeff Foxworthy and Gabriel Iglesias who bring the culture to you. But of course if you really want to see funny, you travel yourself and learn about what makes others laugh (or not). And hopefully you don't end up in a Mexican prison (or Italian) for insulting someone's daughter. *Smile*

         John Stewart and Lewis Black are two of my favorite comedians. I saw Lewis Black live a couple years ago, and yes, he was awesome.


So that's it for me for now - we'll meet again near the end of the month. Until then...

LAUGH ON!!!



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