  Spiritual
This week: Illness and Heroism Edited by: Kit  
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There is no question that those living with illness are brave. However, it is an unfair burden to expect heroism.
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about the expectations surrounding illness, and why they can be a hindrance.
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I would like to apologise in advance for a somewhat heavy newsletter topic. However, it's something that is weighing on my mind, and I think it's important to write about.
A few weeks ago, my stepdad was diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus. Quite naturally, this came as a shock for all of us. It's the kind of diagnoses nobody wants to receive. The kind of illness nobody wants to have. It immediately signals that the road ahead will be dark and difficult, and the general prospects for recovery aren't very rosy.
My stepdad faces weeks of unpleasant treatment, followed by intensive surgery, followed by at least a year to a year and a half of recovery. At first, he thought that this was it... the end of his life. Soon after, he changed his approach. He wants to fight this. He wants to get better. Even if his life will need adjustments after the surgery, it will still be worth living. And he wants to be there for his loved ones.
Of course, I am very happy that he does not want to give up. I find his determination to survive admirable, especially as I know that, like me, he's terrified of doctors and needles. I love him, and I don't want to lose him. That would be devastating.
It did, however, make me think about how such a diagnosis is often approached. The terminology surrounding it makes it sound like the patient is at war – fighting cancer, battling it. They are heroes. I do not deny that cancer patients are heroes – it takes a lot of courage to go through the treatment. But the implication is there that if one does not overcome cancer, one didn't fight hard enough, wasn't strong enough. Lost.
If that sounds strange, and possibly even offensive, I would like to raise the example of certain self-help books, such as You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. Hay believes that illnesses have their root causes in a person's emotions and spiritual aspects of the mind, and in one's beliefs and thought processes. Therefore, the way to overcome an illness is to change the way you think. You need to be positive.
Being positive is, of course, a good thing, but no matter how much you love yourself, no matter how positive you are, you can still get sick. And no matter how loving a person, no matter how positive you try to be, sometimes an illness cannot be overcome. That isn't the person's fault. It doesn't make them weak. Unfortunately, it's just nature.
What we can do, is surround somebody dealing with an illness with love and positivity. We can encourage them, be there for them, listen when they need it, pray if it's welcome. The way they want to handle the situation is, however, down to them. It's a personal choice.
My stepdad doesn't want a lot of fuss to be made about him. He wants the facts of what he's facing. He welcomes practical support. He wants to look to the future, when all the scary and unpleasant procedures are behind him, and he's on the road to recovery and can enjoy his life again. The things in-between are simply a way of getting there.
He doesn't want to be seen as a trooper. He doesn't always think positive thoughts. He does try to laugh, and joke, but sometimes it's okay to feel a bit miserable. That is only natural, too.
It's okay to cry, and to let it all out. It's okay to be frightened, because illness can be frightening. It's okay to not be strong all the time. It's okay to need others, or to just need time to yourself.
Everyone deals with things in their own way, and the way they deal with it may change from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, even. I hope and pray that my stepdad will recover, and that he will have the life he envisions, or an even better one. But I won't burden him with unfair expectations of heroism and positivity.
kittiara
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Spiritual: November 04, 2015 Issue [#7306]
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