  Spiritual
This week: The Act of Forgiveness Edited by: Shannon  
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"For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." ~ Mark Twain
Welcome to the Spiritual Newsletter. My name is Shannon and I'm your editor this week.
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"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness." ~ Marianne Williamson
The title of this editorial is "The Act of Forgiveness." Whether you use the word act as a noun (anything done or to be done) or a verb (to behave or conduct oneself in a particular fashion), the act of forgiveness is not a passive activity. It involves action on your part.
On January 11 I posted a quote to my Facebook page (I recently set the post to "only me" to protect the identity of a friend who commented on it) which read, "I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry and accept an apology I never received." A friend of mine (someone I've never actually met outside Facebook) replied by saying, "I have absolutely no idea how to do this. The concept just doesn't register!"
This got me thinking.
What is forgiveness, exactly? What does it look like? What does it feel like? Is it possible to forgive someone who doesn't think they've done anything wrong--someone who isn't sorry let alone asked for forgiveness? How does one know when they've truly forgiven someone? After all, saying you've forgiven doesn't necessarily mean you have.
The quote seemed to initiate a visceral reaction in my friend. Here is the rest of the conversation:
Friend: "I have absolutely no idea how to do this. The concept just doesn't register!"
Me: "It's definitely not easy. It might be the most difficult thing you ever do."
Friend: "I just really can't even see how it's possible."
Me: "It's more for the forgiver than the forgiven because holding on to anger and hate eats you up inside. There is no peace without forgiveness. It's very difficult to do, however."
Friend: "Well, I had to let a lot of hurt and anger go with my mom. Since there is no other word I say I 'forgive her', but for me, the term forgiveness means that you erase it all and are able to go back to the way things were without hostility. I don't think I could do that at this point. I just let her go and decided I wasn't going to allow her treatment of me to ruin my life. But if she called me tomorrow, I wouldn't just be like ALL is fine. I might have at one time, but I can't REALLY forgive her enough to let her back in my life after what she has done. Just like I can't forgive my ex for all he has done and stolen from me. Sure, I send him photos and DVDs of the younger boys every year, even though he never did the same for me with the older boys. Do I do it to be nice? Or to be the better person? NO! I like him to see what he threw away.  "
I thought about what she'd said. I could feel the anger and pain behind her words and I felt ... sorry for her. Then I thought, Have I ever forgiven someone who didn't ask to be forgiven? Has anyone ever wronged me so egregiously that it affected the very outcome of my life? I realized the answer is yes, on both counts. I thought about my past, my experience, and the blessing that is my life. After twenty-five minutes of introspection I posted this:
Me: "Oprah said, 'True forgiveness is when you can say thank you for that experience.' I have two children by an abusive ex who, after we separated, committed a string of bank robberies, appeared on America's Most Wanted twice, and served over 16 years in federal prison before being let out, violating parole, and getting killed in a shoot-out with police. The girls only remember him because they met him once after he was released. I can honestly say I harbor no ill will or feelings toward him other than sadness and pity. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have my daughters or my three grandchildren. And if it weren't for our time together and how he treated me I wouldn't be who I am today, and I like me. So I guess I can say "Thank you for that experience" and mean it.
Friend: "Wow!"
And that was the end of our conversation.
It's funny how forgiveness works sometimes. Sometimes it just happens and you don't even realize it. I hadn't realized it. I hadn't even thought about it or him in a long, long time. Maybe that's a sign that you have forgiven someone--when you can go for long periods of time without thinking about or dwelling on how they've wronged you. Maybe forgiveness really is more about the forgiver than the forgiven after all.
I don't know. I'm no shrink and I don't have all the answers. I do believe that forgiveness is the final form of love. I read that somewhere, and I trust it wholeheartedly. Our time on this planet is but a glimpse, a heartbeat, a flicker in the grand span of time. Life is too short to spend it feeling anything but love and gratitude.
Thank you for that experience, Tony.
"How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all." ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes |
I hope you enjoy this week's featured selections. Please do the authors the courtesy of reviewing the ones you read. Thank you, and have a great week!
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Grace is not a feeling or a thought, neither can it be sold or bought.
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The following is in response to "Christmas Time is Here" :
Zeke  writes, "It's great to celebrate this holiday, but we should keep in mind that Christmas means a mass for our Savior Christ." Yes, for many people it does. It means different things to different people, but I usually try to write a "Christian" newsletter around Christmas. Thank you for reading! 
shepherd46 writes, "Wonderful newsletter, Shannon! I especially like the last part of the poem: 'What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.'
"I quietly said to Jesus on His birthday that I will do my best to bring more souls to Him and to write articles like yours that will inspire and uplift!
I also loved the Charlie Brown Christmas!" Aw, thank you, Morningstar! I'm glad you liked it. 
Quick-Quill  writes, "I never had family around at Christmas growing up. We always lived too far from any of them. We aren't very close because of that. Christmas seems a time to gather others into the fold that need gathering. Elders with little or no family, friends of my nieces who seem not to want to go to their own family, and others who have fractured family. The numbers change each year. We open the presents after everyone has eaten and before we find a movie to watch. This year I had War Room which was inspiring I hope to those who watched. Through the years our family movie tradtion is the original Miracle on 34th Street and Scrooge (with Albert Finny). I wish you all a blessed 2016. Who would have thought we'd still be here?" The Finney version is my favorite Scrooge. LOVE Miracle on 34th Street. I also love It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, Scrooged, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, and all the classic Christmas cartoons. I think it's WONDERFUL to spend the holidays with people who don't have anyone else to share it with. How lovely! Thank you for sharing.  |
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Spiritual: January 20, 2016 Issue [#7427]
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