World's #1 Commodity

Boston, MA – They’re getting 250 miles per gallon? From what? This was the astonished question we asked the scientists at the BST Industries, a research lab in Cambridge, MA. Competent sources revealed this week that an 8 cylinder, SUV has been tested using this fuel and it can, indeed, get at least 250 miles per gallon. Yes, I said at least.

“The rising cost of petroleum prices prompted a priority parley to predetermine the predestined profit that could be produced using a cheap propellant for our petrol guzzling passenger cars,” said Dr. B. Full-of-it in a recent interview. “Last year, scientists held a round-table think tank comprised of the most brilliant minds in the world. Their job was to find the one thing in the world that was plentiful enough to provide a cheap and continual fuel supply. Their findings were amazing.”

Our investigative team found reliable sources willing to disclose some of the items discussed. Those items included electricity, water, air, sewage and mosquitoes, but all were discounted for one reason or another. Electricity was too expensive and had already been tried. Water wasn’t plentiful enough in some countries. Air quality wasn’t good enough in any country. Sewage, although plentiful, would be too costly to refine and mosquitoes were too small and too difficult to harvest.

“I have to admit,” said Dr. I. M. Alwaysright, “I didn’t think this was going to be feasible. You could have knocked me over with a breath of fresh air when the results were tested and found to be far superior to our wildest dreams. They’re doing it. We were hoping for 100 miles per gallon and were amazed at the final mileage our fuel produced.”

“Yes, it’s cheap and it’s certainly plentiful, not just in the US, but in all the countries of the world,” said Professor Knowitall, a consultant for BST Industries.

The new product was introduced this morning at a world press conference held at the Cambridge research facility. Amidst the hoopla of school bands playing, cheerleaders cheering and babies crying, the anticipation reached its zenith. “It’s Bullshit,” said P. Didntwork. “Nothing but pure and simple Bullshit.”

“We tried Hot Air,” said Alwaysright, “and although we certainly have plenty of that in the world today, we found Bullshit to be more plentiful. We also found it contained the added edge we needed for extra mileage.

“Bullshit definitely beats out Hot Air, any day of the week,” said Dr. Full-of-it.

Our sources also disclosed that colleges and universities all over the world would be offering courses in the Fine Art of Bullshitting next semester. Finally, a major course that students can easily skip out on, will satisfy federal education requirements, will guarantee an ‘A’ for every student who registers and will provide cheap fuel for the entire world. Colleges are expected to start looking for bullshitters to teach this course within the next couple of months.

Immediately following the announcement, a spokesman for BST Industries was overheard saying, “Bullshit is the number one commodity in the world today.”

Ain’t that the truth!