Learning To Live Again

Learning To Live Again
by Garth Brooks

I burned my hand, I cut my face
Heaven knows how long it's been
Since I've felt so out of place
I'm wonderin' if I'll fit in

Debbie and Charley said they'd be here by nine
And Deb said she might bring a friend
Just my luck, they're right on time
So here I go again

I'm gonna smile my best smile
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see
That learning to live again is killing me

Little cafe, table for four
But there's just conversation for three
I like the way she let me get the door
I wonder what she thinks of me

Debbie just whispered, "You're doin' fine"
And I wish that I felt the same
She's asked me to dance, now her hand's in mine
Oh, my god, I've forgotten her name

But I'm gonna smile my best smile
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see
That learning to live again is killing me

Now here we are beneath her porch light
And I say what a great time it's been
A kiss on the cheek, a whisper goodnight
And I say, "can I see you again"

And she just smiles her best smile
And she laughs like it's going out of style
Looks into my eyes and says, "We'll see"
Oh this learning to live again is killing me
God this learning to live again is killing me

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This song has held a lot of meaning for me the last 10 years.

I burned my hand, I cut my face
Heaven knows how long it's been
Since I've felt so out of place
I'm wonderin' if I'll fit in

I returned from serving a two-year mission in Denmark in March, 1995, and I struggled a little to get back into the swing of dating. I felt awkward and a little out of place on so many different occasions. I felt like I was trying to ride a bicycle after 20 years of walking. Sure, you never forget how - but you do crash a time of two before you finally find your balance.

I'm gonna smile my best smile
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see
That learning to live again is killing me

I finally started finding the balance I had been looking for in August, 1997. I had dated a number of people and reached a lot of dead ends over the past year and a half. I finally decided to stop looking for love and get on with my life. With that decision, love found me in the form of the woman I would marry just three and a half months later.

Debbie just whispered, "You're doin' fine"
And I wish that I felt the same
She's asked me to dance, now her hand's in mine
Oh, my god, I've forgotten her name

Shortly after we introduced ourselves to each other, I completely forgot her name (Ladies, don't be too harsh on me now, because she also forgot mine). We then reintroduced ourselves, both making a mental note to never forget again.

Now here we are beneath her porch light
And I say what a great time it's been
A kiss on the cheek, a whisper goodnight
And I say, "can I see you again"

We both came with a lot of emotional baggage - hers a broken engagement, mine a series of broken hearts - and it was awkward and uncertain, so we decided to take things slow and easy. She had recently adopted a "No Kissing On The Lips" rule until she was married, because the last few relationships she had quickly became physical. So the first time I kissed her was on the cheek, and the ear, and the neck. She later told me that it was the sweetest, most emotionally thrilling, toe-curling, spine tingling kissing she had ever experienced.

When we finally did say goodnight, she asked me a little breathlessly, "What happened to taking things slow and easy?"

"We'll just have to go with Plan B," I replied.

"What's Plan B?"

"We'll make it up as we go along."

I proposed a little over a month later and married her a little over two months after that.

Learning To Live Again is a song about the uncertainty and awkwardness of life. The difficulties associated with creating important changes that are a bit scary. I still find that the essence of the song still applies for me today. I have recently discovered that I really don't like the profession that I had chosen. I am an accountant and I yearn to do something more creative. (Creative accountants are the ones that usually end up in jail.) I have started some different ventures, searching for the avenue that will bring me the fulfillment and prosperity I seek in life.

It's hard! It's scary! And when my friends ask how things are going I just smile my best smile, and I laugh like it's going out of style. I look into their eyes and pray that they don't see that learning to live again is killing me.

YOUR SONG  (E) Contest. Dedicate a song to yourself. #1005604 by Mitch