The Feeling of Something Found

“God, all I want is a warm meal and a really long shower.” Sam said walking up to Joe when the days work was done.

“I hear ya.” Joe said and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

“After that. I’m falling into my bed and going to sleep.”

Joe grinned. “Starting to feel old yet?”

Sam just looked at him a moment. “Oh god, I do sound old don’t I?”

“Did you do something wrong?” Joe asked her.

“What?” Sam asked and looked toward the house. There was a cop car in the driveway. “I don’t think so. It’s probably just Sean.”

“Sean?”

“The officer who brought me here.”

“A friend of yours?” Joe said eyeing her.

“Yeah he is.” Sam smiled.

“Hm.”

“Sean!” Sam said running up to him.

He embraced her as she reached him. “Hey kiddo, how are you doing?”

“I’m great! How are you?”

“I’m hanging in there.”

“Sam.” Her parole officer said walking up to her.

“Doug.” Sam said with much less enthusiasm.

“I’m not here to tell you what to do or to deal you bad news. I’m just checking up.”

“Yeah, to see if I’ve screwed up yet. I’m sure there’s a bet at the office, ‘The runner will run again’.” She glared at him.

“Ah, lay off of him Sam. He’s always been on your side. Come on, show me around.” Sean said and put an arm around her.

“Alright.” Sam smiled and led him toward the barn. “Are you coming Joe?”

“No, I’ve got something I forgot to do.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later then?”

“Yeah, see you later.” Joe said and walked away.

Sam led Sean to the barn and showed him where she stayed and she showed him Zeus. He didn’t stay long but it was enough for Sam to feel like her life was starting to move forward in a positive direction. She felt like she was pulling her life together where everyone else could not. She was beginning to make friends, she had a job that someday she might get pay for, and she had a place that she could call
home, even if it was just for now.



Joe woke her up early the next morning. She took Zeus out for a few minutes before starting the drive to town. After twenty minutes Joe parked in a strip mall parking lot and they got out.

“Well, this place should have just about everything you need. Clothes, shoes, there’s a book store around here somewhere. You should be fine. Here’s some cash that Cal gave me to give you.”

“Thanks.” Sam said and reluctantly reached for the money.

Joe pulled his hand back. “What’s your problem?” He asked.

“Nothing…” Sam told him.

“I figured you’d jump at the opportunity to take this much money. I’m here just to monitor you. Make sure you don’t run off.”

Sam grabbed the money. “Did you honestly think I was going to?” Sam said hotly.
“Are you going to want some company or are you going to go along on your own? I can leave and come back after my other chores are done.”

“Company wouldn’t be such a bad thing.” Sam told him. “Even if it’s bad company.” She glared at him.

Joe just smiled and led the way. They went from store to store trying on clothes. To make herself feel better she made Joe try on clothes with her and they both ended up buying several pieces of clothes. Sam didn’t really care what was on her feet so she bought a decent pair of shoes for all the basic occasions that had the possibility of coming up.

“Try this on.” Sam smiled and through Joe a leather jacket.

“No way, I am not going leather.” He said.

“Oh come on.” Sam said. “Here.” She said handing him a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. “Go put it on.”

He looked at her a moment. “Then you put this on.” He said taking a somewhat skimpy red dress from a nearby rack.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Sam said refusing to take it. “When do you expect me to wear that? It’s not like I have any social engagements that I need to attend.”

“You never know. When do you think I am going to need to where this jacket?”

“Touché.” Sam said and took the dress.

Joe was the first to exit his dressing room and he sat down and waited for Sam…and waited…and waited.

“What the hell is taking you so long?”

“I’m not coming out.” Sam said dismally from the dressing room.

“What do you mean? You have to come out. I’m sitting out here waiting for you to see what you think of this outfit and you’re going to chicken out on me?”

There was silence. The door slowly creaked open and Sam stood leaning against the door with her arm on top of it. Joe couldn’t help but smile in awe of her. Her hair was down and it hung to one side as she tilted her head at him in embarrassment. The dress hung down just above her knees and it didn’t have sleeves but a short piece of fabric that was cut down the middle where the sleeve would be that came together when her arms were down. She had great legs, even though he could tell she was self conscience of everything about herself. She had been away too long. Known more of the bad side of the law then the good. He liked seeing her in that dress.

“I take it you like it.” Sam said, jerking his mind back to reality.

“What? What makes you say that?”

“You were staring.” Sam smiled at him.

“I think it looks good.” Joe said averting his eyes. “What do you think of mine?” He said standing up.

Sam looked him over. “Take the jacket off.” She told him.

He took it off and tossed it aside. Sam crossed her arms and looked at him. He had been a friend for weeks now and one of the few people that she actually could call a friend. He knew her better then anyone up to date and she had mixed feelings about him. She thought of him as off limits but seeing him before her made that difficult. One of her weaknesses was a man in a white shirt and jeans. He looked great in it, with his dark hair and skin. He reminded her of Mark Consuelos. He smiled and she grinned back at him.

“You look…” She said and paused. “You look good.”

“I think we’ve found ourselves another new outfit.” He smiled at her.

“Ha! Maybe you but I’m not buying this.” She said looking down at herself.

“Yeah you are and if you don’t I will. You never know when a wedding or something will come up and you’ll want to wear something a bit more fancy.”

Sam just looked at him. “I’m changing.”

When they were finally done shopping half the day was gone. Sam had never bought so many clothes in her life. She bought several pairs of jeans and simple t-shirts for work and then other jeans and shirts for non-working hours. The same for shoes and everything else she bought. Joe had bought a few things for work and then other things for outings and such. It was probably one of the best days that either of them could remember. Being out with a friend. Sam couldn’t remember the last time she had a friend, and it was refreshing.

“Today was fun. Thank you.” Sam smiled at Joe on the way home.

“Yeah it was. Maybe we’ll have to do it again some time.” He replied.

Sam just smiled at him. They were halfway home when they spotted someone walking along the side of the road. As they neared him Sam could see red on his clothes and he was stumbling as if he could hardly stand anymore. She could tell that his shirt was white but it was hardly visible under the red and dirt.

“Wait, stop, Joe stop.” Sam said putting a hand on Joe’s arm.

Joe didn’t stop till they had passed him but Sam opened the door and ran after him.

“Hey…? Hey, are you alright?” Sam said walking up to him.

He made no sign that he even heard her. He kept walking. Sam touched his arm and when she drew her hand back there was blood on it.

“Jesus.” Sam said. She walked in front of him and stopped him. “Hey, you’re hurt. Let me help you.” She told him.

She couldn’t tell how old he was. He was filthy. She could hardly make out his face. His hair was longer and it hung over his eyes and ears, and covered his neck in the back. He was bleeding from several places by the look of him and he looked exhausted.

“Can you hear me?” Sam asked him.

He looked at her for a moment before collapsing. Sam caught him and fell, trying to make the landing as soft as possible.

“Joe! Joe, call 911!” Sam yelled back at him.

Joe grabbed his phone from the truck and ran over to them having dialed the number. Joe explained to the dispatch that they had found someone on the side of the road.

“They’re on their way.” Joe said standing next to her.

Sam lifted the man’s shirt to find large gashes on his chest and abdomen. She pushed up his sleeves to find more cuts and didn’t dare look at his back. There was a large cut on his temple and under his eye as well.

“What the hell happened to you?” Sam asked aloud.

“Sam…” Joe said and put a hand on her arm.

“What?” Sam said pulling her arm from under his hand.

“Just back away, there’s nothing you can do right now and we have no idea where he’s come from. He might have hepatitis or something.” Sam glared up at him. “Come on.” Joe said and reached down for her.

Before he could pull her up the man had grabbed her wrist. He had lifted himself slightly off the ground. He started gasping and his eyes were wide.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, we’re here to help you.” Sam said putting her hand on his arm.

The man had the most panicked look on his face that Sam had ever seen. He didn’t say anything but he relaxed onto the ground still holding Sam’s wrist. His gasping worsened.

“Joe, I don’t think he can breath.” Sam said to him worriedly.

“The paramedics will be here any minute.” He told her.

The man closed his eyes and he struggled for breath, Sam felt helpless just sitting there. He took a few more gasps and then he stopped breathing. Sam’s eyes widened and the man’s head rolled to the side and his hand fell from her arm.

“He stopped breathing!” Sam said, she was starting to shake slightly. “Oh god…”

“Any minute, they’ll be here.”

“We don’t have time.” Sam told him. She moved closer to the man and tilted his head back. “I’ve never done this before.” She said aloud then put two breaths into the man’s mouth.

Sam continued to breathe for him and after a few minutes he took a breath. But each time he did they were just gasps and he’d stop again. Sam gave him her breath till the sirens approached and the paramedics came rushing over to them.


Sam rubbed her eyes with her hand and took a drink of her vending machine coffee. She was sitting next to the man’s bed. He hadn’t woken up since he went down and from what the paramedics and the doctors had told her the ride to the hospital had been rocky. His wounds had been cleaned and many of them required stitching.

“Still here…?” Joe said walking into the room. Sam nodded. “Has anything changed?” She shook her head. Joe sighed and sat in a chair next to her. “You should really leave.”

“I can’t.” Sam told him. “I…I just feel like I need to stay. I need to know what’s going to happen, if he’s going to be alright.”

“He’ll be fine. You need to talk care of yourself first.”

“Joe…” Sam said looking him in the eyes. “I can’t.”

Joe just nodded and took a drink of his own coffee.

They sat in silence. Sam started to feel her lack of sleep and her eyes were getting tired. She looked at Joe and excused herself from the room. She walked up and down the hall trying to wake herself up. On her way back to the room she passed the waiting room. It was empty, an old shabby couch with a big blanket on top of it called to her and she found herself walking to it, lying down, and covering up before falling fast asleep. When she woke up Joe was sitting in a chair flipping through the channels on the TV.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked him.

“Seeing if anything is on TV.”

“Why? Who’s with him?”

“No one.”

“Well, that’s good.” Sam said annoyed and got up, heading for the door.

“Sam…”

Sam held up her hand to quiet him. “I know you don’t approve of my reasons for wanting to stay here but I feel like I should be here. I want to be here in case something happens. I want to be here because no one else is.”

“Sam, I know that. But the doctor already told us that he would call if anything happened or if he wakes up. But you need to get out of here. Let’s go home.”

Sam looked at him and nodded. She followed Joe from the hospital and got into the truck. Neither of them said a word on the way back to the ranch and once they were there instead of going to the house Sam made her way to the barn.

“Don’t you want to catch Cal up?” Joe asked her.

“No.” Sam told him without glancing back. “Hi sweetheart.” She smiled at Zeus. “Let’s get out for a little while.” She said and opened his stall.

Zeus followed her from the barn and he walked beside her till they reached the trees and the path that weaved through them. Sam lifted herself on top of his back and he moved forward making his way through the woods. She rode to the field of dandelions. She slid from his back and walked through it. She didn’t know why it was affecting her so. She hadn’t even spoken to him but something told her that the boy was alone and she knew how that felt and didn’t want that for anyone else. Especially when they were hurt and who knows what he would tell them when he woke up.

Sam was exhausted; she sat down in the field and looked around. Zeus nickered and nudged her cheek. She smiled and kissed his nose. She wanted to go to sleep yet knew that she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Her mind kept moving back to the hospital and the feeling of needing to be there. Tears sprung to her eyes.

“What’s wrong with me?” She asked herself and laid back.

Zeus laid next to her and before she knew it she had fallen asleep.


“Sam…Sam wake up.” Sam shot up. “Easy, easy it’s just me.”

“Joe…” Sam said breathing hard, running her hands through her hair. “Sorry, you just…startled me.”

“I’m sorry.” Joe said and kneeled next to her. “You okay?”

Sam looked at him. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m just tired.”

Joe nodded. “The doctor called.”

Minutes later they were back at the ranch and in the truck on their way back to the hospital. Sam rushed through the halls with Joe just behind her. She ran into the room to see a doctor hovering over the bed.

“Hi.” Sam said not knowing what else to say. The doctor turned to her and she felt her cheeks flush. “Um…is he okay?”

The doctor smiled at her. “He’ll be fine. This is Sam Shepherd. She’s the one who saved you.” He said to the man. “Sam, the man you saved is Christian Holden.”

“Hi.” Sam smiled and raised her hand.

He just looked at her and turned his head away, shutting his eyes.

“He still a bit tired. He’s been through a lot.” The doctor told her encouragingly. Sam smiled at him. “If you need me just ask a nurse, she can page me.”

“Thank you.” Sam smiled and watched him leave.

“Sam…” Joe said taking her arm.

“Joe…” She said and pulled away from him. She went and sat in the chair next to the bed. “Hi, Christian, how are you feeling?” He opened his eyes but he didn’t say anything. “Do you think you could tell me what happened?”

He turned and looked at her. “No.” He said in a shaky voice.

Sam nodded and just looked at him. She wasn’t going to push it.

“Sam, we should let him rest.” Joe said from behind her.

“I’d really just like to…”

“He’s right Sam, you should let me rest.” He said a little stronger.

Sam looked at him and nodded again. “I’ll be back.” She told him and stood up.

Sam shot Joe a glare and moved past him.

“Sam…” Joe said following her.

“What?” Sam said stopping and turning around. Joe ran into her. She pushed him back. “What is it?”

“What’s wrong with you? You don’t even know this guy and you’re getting all emotional over him.”

“When someone nearly dies in front on me my first reaction is not to say he’s gotten help so it’s none of my business anymore. He needs someone and I’ve taken it upon myself to be that person whether he likes it or not.” Sam told him before turning and walking away.

Having the sense of wanting to be alone Sam went to the hospital chapel knowing it would be low on the list of places to find her at. But to her dismay moments later she heard the door and an all too familiar voice ask to sit down.

“I thought I would be alone.” Sam said softly.

“How’re you holding up?”

“Well Cal, I saw a person almost die in front of me, I’ve been sitting in a hospital room for days waiting for the guy to wake up only to wake up and not want anything to do with anyone or tell anyone what happened. I wanted answers Cal, that’s all. Joe doesn’t help anything either. It I didn’t know any better I’d say he actually cared about me and my feelings. I manage to push those thoughts away.” Sam said and smiled at him. Cal smiled back but didn’t say anything. “So why are you here?”

“Joe called with an update. He said you were still upset about it all so I thought I’d come by.”

“Why?” Sam asked still not getting the answer she was looking for.

Cal sighed. “Believe it or not Sam, you are part of this family and in this family we don’t leave it’s members hanging on by a thread, alone in a hospital waiting to help a complete stranger for no apparent reason.” Sam smiled as tears filled her eyes. “You look tired.”

She laughed. “I am. I’m exhausted, but as much as I want to sleep I want to know what happened to him. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life and it just feels wrong to turn away.”

“I’m not questioning your motives or why you’re doing what you’re doing. I just want you to know that I’m here for you.” Cal told her.

“Thank you.” Sam smiled. As much as it killed her, the sense of having someone there was nice. It wasn’t about her wanting to be alone in all aspects of her life. A family that cared was in her life and since her own never did it was an okay feeling for the moment.

Cal didn’t say anything else to her. He just sat there. As weird as it was Sam was grateful that he was there and even though he was she still got her alone time. It had occurred to her that she may need to get used to having people always there, wanting to talk and be talked to. “Family” had never been a big thing with her. But then again…change isn't always bad.

“I think I’m going to get going.” Cal said breaking the silence. “I need to help out since one of our key people is busy.”

“I’m sorry. I can go back with you if you want.”

“No, don’t worry about it. I can help, it’s my ranch if I don’t help every now and again it makes me look bad.” He smiled and stood up. “I’m leaving my truck here for you.” He said handing her the keys. Sam gave him a somewhat stunned look. “Don’t worry about it. Joe’s giving me a ride back.”

“He’s sick of being here I spose.”

“He just doesn’t understand how you feel. It’s different for him.”

“Can you elaborate a little more on that for me?”

Cal smiled. “Love to honey but it’d be easier if you’d just talk to him.”

“Our conversations never seem to go too well. He makes me mad, I piss him off. It’s this vicious circle that has no end in site.”

Cal looked at her a moment. “Nothing in life is easy. And Joe is one of those people that aren’t easy to understand.” Sam just raised her eyebrows and smiled. He smiled back and started for the door. “And just for the record, we all miss you. Don’t be home too late.”

Sam watched him leave and faced the cross in front of the chapel. She sighed and stood up. Walking the halls back to the room she questioned herself about what she was doing here. The more she thought about it the more it didn’t make sense. She wanted to help, she wanted to know what happened but she also knew that it was pointless to stick around and wait for something that wasn’t going to come. She couldn’t help someone who didn’t want it. No matter how much she wanted to. She made the decision that she would stop back and if he didn’t seem any more responsive to the help she wanted to give she would leave and stop trying. It was a waste of time and she had a job to do.

“You’re going to be fine. I think we’ve covered everything that you didn’t already know. A couple officers will be stopping by to ask you a few questions now that you’ve had a chance to wake up a little. They are a bit curious about what happened. You’ve been a bit of a mystery Mr. Holden.” Sam heard the doctor telling him. She heard his pager go off. “I’m sorry that I’ve got to go but I’ll be checking in every now and again. Take care. Hello Ms. Shepherd.” He said to her in the doorway and passed by.

“Hi.” Sam said to Christian. He didn’t say anything. “Alright…well, I guess I’m happy that you’re okay and since you’ve made it clear that you have no intention of speaking or explaining anything I’m going to go. I hope everything works out for you” She told him and turned to leave.

“Wait.” He said. Sam turned and looked at him. “Thank you…for what you did.” He said with an English accent.

“You’re welcome.” Sam said without stepping forward.

“I apologize for getting you involved. I don’t think I was meant to get as far as I did.”

“Why not?” Sam asked.

“That is far too long of a story and one that I’m just not ready to share with a stranger.”

“Are you going to tell the cops?”

“Bits and pieces I suppose. I won’t lie but I’m not going to tell them everything either.”

“Hm.” Sam said walking over to the chair next to his bed. He smiled at the noise. Sam couldn’t help but smile at him. He was attractive now that he was cleaned up and taken care of. The accent was also irresistible.

“That doesn’t sound like the best decision but I have my reasons.”

“I’m not questioning you.” Sam told him. “I’d like to know what happened, yes, but I’m not going to sit here and analyze you or try and get you to tell me what happened. I’m here just to make sure you’re okay.”

“Thank you.”

Sam smiled. “No problem. Some way to get people’s attention. Walking down the road, near death.”

He smiled. “I’ll rethink that plan next time.”

“I think that’s a good plan.”

He wasn’t like she had thought he would be. From the way it sounded he was innocent which was either true or he was a fantastic liar and could possibly some psycho mad man. But the last seemed unlikely. She didn’t stay long. Enough to become accountancies and then she left in higher spirits then when she had arrived.