Winter Story

I glanced into the rear view mirror at my daughter. I knew that something was going on in her life that I wasn’t a part of. I was afraid I knew what it was, but I had tried hard to find other explanations for her conduct over the past 6 months. I knew that we were heading into puberty and all of the struggling that goes along with the metamorphosis of becoming a woman. Her face had become hard and there was clear evidence of stress. She rarely joked around anymore. She was pre-occupied.

Her brother sat next to me in the car. He was still an innocent. He liked to play with model airplanes and pretend. It was clear that he was equally disturbed by his sister’s behavior. “You don’t have to be rude, Audra” he was saying to her.

“Shut up freak!” Audra yelled back. “I am not going to their house; I don’t care what you think.”

“Audra, that’s about enough from you.” I interrupted their exchange. “I can’t let you continue to be so rude. If there is something wrong, then you have to tell me. No matter what it is you have to tell me. But, if this is just about you wanting your own way then you need to understand that I will not tolerate disrespect toward your grandparents. Now, calm down and tell me what’s going on.”

I could feel my heart rate go up and I was sweating. The reflection of my daughter in the mirror revealed to me that she was thinking about confiding in me, but that she was also incredibly stressed with the idea. I knew that I had to treat this delicately. I took a deep breath and tried to sound calm. “It’s ok, Honey. You can tell me anything.”

“Mom, there’s nothing.” She blurted. It didn’t ring true. I always knew when Audra was lying to me.

“If it’s nothing, then you can’t continue with being rude and you will spend the evening with your grandparents while Dad and I go out.” I had to push the issue but I couldn’t suggest what I thought was wrong. I needed her to tell me so that I would believe it.

“No! I can’t go over there.” Tears were welling up in her eyes.

“Audra, Please tell me what’s going on.” I pulled the car over and parked on a non-descript residential street so that I could concentrate on the event. Michael sat quietly in the passenger seat. He was aware of the magnitude of the moment.

I engaged my daughter’s gaze in the rear view mirror. Somehow this made it easier for both of us. “Grandpa does things to me.” She blurted out. I knew that I had been right. I didn’t want it to be true, but I had suspected something for a couple of weeks. I turned around to remove the barrier the mirror provided. I looked her in the eyes and saw the torment that she was feeling spill over. It was finally more that she could hold back.

“What kind of things?” I asked. I tried to remain calm and not let her know the alarm and panic I felt.

“He touches me.” She could barely get the words out. Her voice trembled as the words erupted out of her mouth. “Sometimes he kisses me. I can’t go there mom! I just can’t”

I reached back and touched her on the shoulder. “It’s okay, you don’t have to go. Audra, are you sure that what you are telling me is the truth?” I didn’t want to doubt her, but she had been known to lie for attention before. I wanted it to be a lie. I wanted her to have misunderstood an innocent interaction. I wanted it to be her need for drama that was now playing out, but I knew it was true. I knew that everything she was telling me had really happened and that our lives were about to change.

“Don’t you believe me?” She looked crushed.

“I do believe you,” I quickly replied. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” We all were crying. Tears spilled everywhere trying to wash away all of the filth of the truth that had just been purged.

“What will happen now mom?”

“I don’t know, but first things first, we have to go home and tell dad.” The weight of this set on my head like a ton. How would I go home and tell my husband, my partner, my soul mate that his father had molested our daughter? I could predict most of his reactions to just about every kind of situation, but this was a new frontier. My heart sat in my throat and I was barely able to breath.


The drive back to the house was quiet. Audra just cried. Michael had not said a word and I wasn’t sure what he was thinking or even if he understood what his sister was exposing to us. He seemed stunned. I felt like I had entered another dimension of reality. My body had turned on its auto pilot and was barely aware of itself. I don’t remember how I got home or going into the house.

“I need to talk to you,” I know my tone sounded serious. I could see the look on Mike’s face. We had been stressed lately and were overdue for a serious discussion. As we stepped into our bedroom, I was still trying to come up with the words. How do you say what I had to say?

“I don’t know how to tell you this.” I could feel the tears coming. The voice I heard was not really my own.

“What’s going on?” I heard the panic in his voice. I knew there was no way for him to guess what I was about to say. He was running scenario’s trying to come to a conclusion.

“Charles molested Audra.” I blurted it out. I didn’t know how to be delicate. I had to say it as quickly as possible. I couldn’t bear knowing something this important that he didn’t know.

I could see the weight of what I said hit Mike square in the gut. He was stunned and dropped to the bed. He felt the truth of my words and now we shared the burden. Unfortunately it didn’t make it easier. We now had to act. We had to find the energy to protect our daughter and keep functioning. We had to continue to take care of the other children and take extra care to protect Audra. Even though individually we were struggling, the strength we gained from each other was more than just a sum of our energy. As a team we knew we could move mountains.