What are white folks to do?

What are white folks to do?

Race relations in America are a complicated affair. I am 64 years old and have come "full circle" it seems. My earliest years were in a segregated America and, now, once again, there are no "black" people in my life.

As a child, I lived in West Virginia where school integration went smoother than in most states. However, I never spoke to a black person until I was age 18, working away from home.

When I was a child, there were separate quarters for whites and blacks in movie theatres and separate rest rooms. They lived in a different part of the community. I was curious about why that all that was so but don't remember any discussion by anyone in the family, neither good nor bad, and wasn't taught to hate others for any reasons. I never heard the N word as a kid either. The only person with whom I ever discussed race was my grandfather who told me.... "never judge anyone by the color of their skin. Some day, all of us will have skin the color of autumn leaves, and it won't matter anymore." Well, the day it doesn't matter hasn't arrived, although there are many variations of skin color.

In the early 1960's, I left home and began working for the federal government in Washington, D.C. The majority of the employees in my office were black, so there began my introduction to them as a people. In those days, blacks wanted to 'belong' and some whites were beginning to throw off their past predjudices and welcomed them. I was one of those. I made friends and learned a lot from them -- especially dancing, music and good food, mostly because we were young and partied a lot. There were some ugly incidents when people mistreated me or them because of our associations, but not too many.

Then came the 1970's and "black power." I didn't begrudge them the solidarity or whatever one wants to call it when they began to "band together" and stand up for themselves. I was a little surprised when former "friends" no longer spoke to me or seemed embarrassed if seen with me or talking to me. That was the beginning of the "great divide," another chapter in race relations and, in my opinion, not a good one.

In the years since, it seems to me that a coolness has set in on both sides. I still speak and smile and nod my head when I meet someone of another race, but I often see "that look" in their eyes. I can't really describe "that look" but it's not welcoming. I think it is a leeriness on their part, a non-trustful attitude from the get-go. I believe their elders have taught them to beware of "us" and we notice and act accordingly. It's the same kind of thing white elders taught their children fifty years ago, hatred for no reason at all, except skin color and what they think that represents. It was wrong then, and it's wrong now, no matter which side does it, or that's my opinion.

A few years ago, I met a young woman who was waiting for the results of an HIV test. She was very frightened for she had "shared a needle" a time or two. For some reason, she shared her story with me and I tried to console and reassure her. It was a long three days, waiting for the results. They were negative. As she laughed and cried in relief and happiness, we hugged. I was very happy for her. She looked at me and said "are you sure you don't have some black in you?" I'm sure she meant that as a compliment, but I felt under valued and somewhat insulted. I said nothing for I knew she didn't mean to put me down. I said to myself "do they honestly think there are no caring white people in the world?" My answer to myself was "yes, that's exactly what they think." We went our separate ways, and that's the last time I was ever close to a black person. I probably have "that look" in my eyes now when I meet one.

It's not that I don't care anymore. I do, but I feel anything I could say or do means nothing, so I no longer try. There are probably a lot of us around, those who don't try anymore. Added to those who hated blacks already, it leaves a large bunch of people with "that look" doing nothing to solve the problems.

I think that's how the blacks want it though. If they cared or admitted we white folks aren't all monsters, they would have to open up the doors of their minds again. I don't think they want to do that, for several reasons. I don't think they are interested in equality anymore. They want what we have without having to mix with us. I guess that's all right, if that's what they want. Many white folks are happy with that too.

At age 64, my days of doing anything about it are just about over. The young people of all races will have to work it out, if it can ever be worked out. I sincerely doubt it ever will. The divide, the cut is too deep. And that's too bad for each has much to learn from the other.