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The memories of a young girl. |
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Memories can be so much of a part of who we are. We finally had to move into a bigger house, mom was pregnant again. We moved to another city, when I was 8, my youngest sister Teri was born when I was nine, and she made my dad so mad, he wanted a boy. My mom hadn’t been drinking for a while; she was trying to straighten up her life. She and dad were fighting more and more, and the orgies stopped. My dad would drink from the time he finished his first cup of coffee to the time he passed out. He would hit mom and jack on a daily basis and Trina was clearly his favorite. She was such a tomboy and he was such a drunk I think he sometimes thought she was a he! Trina always liked to fight, with me and anyone who crossed her path. On the way home from school she was always starting fights and one-day I decided to leave her and walk home. When I got there dad asked where trina was and I told him she was fighting, he jumped up and yelled at me to get my ass back down there and help her, I told him she didn’t need any help, and he told me I needed to be more like her and fight once in a while. The next day I stayed with her until she was done fighting. Each day we came home from school was the same basically. Mom was in the living room reading and dad was at the dining room table drinking, either alone or with one of his brothers or friends. We never had much family time. We had very little money, since neither of my parent worked. Well dad did work when we first moved to the BIG house, but that only lasted a few months. My mom gave him so much grief about him being away, she was one jealous woman. He finally gave up working and took up drinking as a full time job. He would trade our bikes, cars, and furniture what ever he could to get a six pack. I really didn’t like my parents much back then, I was a typical kid who wanted more than I had and was angry with that. I always felt we should have nice clothes or Something to eat other than bread, if they could afford to drink every night. I would lay awake in my bed every night listening to the drunks downstairs carrying on. They literally made me sick. Sleep was something I came to think of as one luxury I was never going to have. Trina always fell asleep fast and she would sleep all day if she could get away with it. Over the years I came to really hate Trina, she was a pain in my neck. And when I say hate I really mean hate, I had no use for her and really didn’t care if we ever saw each other. She was daddy’s girl, jack was mommy’s boy and I was somewhere in the middle. Terri was growing up fast and I was the one who was always taking care of her, or so it seemed to me. We went through about a year of mom and dad going to my uncles to drink instead of home and that was fine by me. We learned to cook for ourselves (when there was food to cook) and washing clothes was my favorite thing to do. I liked to have clean clothes and if I was washing mine well then I could wash everyone’s or so they thought. Soon enough I was beginning to not like washing! We had an old washing machine, the kind with the ringer that you put the clothes through to ring them out and one day I caught my arm in it and couldn’t get it out and it was up to my elbow and I was screaming so loud my dad finally got up from the favorite dining room chair and saved me. Didn’t break anything lucky me. Jack and I were suppose to do the dishes everyday, one was to wash the other dry and put away. We always ended up fighting over who did what. I was beginning to dislike jack a lot. Dad was always hitting, no actually beating him and mom was always sticking up for him even if he was wrong. Jack began to take cheap shots at me to get back at dad. We were doing the dishes one afternoon in the summer, and jack through soap in my face, I wasn’t really in the mood for his humor so I yelled at him to stop, dad who was drunk at the dining room table yelled at both of us to come there and when we did he punched jack in the face. Jack ran out the front door and dad told me to finish the fucking dishes. I did and later that night after dad passed out I went outside to the old car in the neighbors yard (that is where jack always hid) and told jack he could come in. We just got inside the front door and jack told me it was my fault, I said no it wasn’t and he grabbed my by the hair, my hair was just passed my butt, and slammed my head into the door. My scream actually woke dad up and I was so mad at jack I didn’t lie for him like I would normally. Dad beat him really bad that night, slamming his head into the chimney, kicking him in the head repeatedly. I was on the stairs crying and holding Teri when dad yelled at mom to pick up her fucking “Wonder Boy” and get him out of there. Jack came crawling up the stairs, he never said a word to me and boy I felt bad. So from then on I would always try to protect him from dad whenever I could. I took some really ugly shots to the head from jack and kept it to myself so he wouldn’t get beat. One night my mom was at the bar which was only 2 blocks from our house and dad told jack and I to go bring her home. We went there and she told us she would be home after he passed out. We must nave stood outside for 2 hours, then she comes out and says to go home, and she is getting into a car with my Dad’s friend. Jack and I walk in the back door and from the back door to the front door it is a straight walk through the kitchen into the dining room and out the front. Well jack was first, we walked into the dining room and dad was in the chair and he asked “where the hell is the whore?” and jack ran right out the front, and I was right behind him as soon as I figured out what he was doing and my dad grabbed me by the hair and pulled be back. I told him she was not coming home and he asked where the hell jack was and I lied said I didn’t know. I figured if he was so drunk he couldn’t remember him just running out the front door he would never know I lied. He didn’t. He finally passed out about 4:30 am and mom came in around 5 a.m. and he was wide-awake and ready to kill her. I was in the living room holding Teri, Trina was upstairs asleep. Dad grabbed mom by the throat and threw her down. She got up and called him and asshole and came in and took Teri from me. She always said if she had the baby he wouldn’t hit her. Well he wasn’t going to hit her not on this night, he got out the twelve gauge and shot the TV right next to her. Seeing a TV blow up when you are nine years old is pretty scary shit. I kept yelling at mom to give me Teri and she wouldn’t do it. I ran out the front door and over to the neighbors and asked them to call the police. When the police came he (small towns don’t need many) was just coming up the stairs of the front porch and my dad was at the dining room table and yelled at Stanley (the cop) to get the fuck off his porch and his property before he shot him. Stanley did just that and our neighbor Steve had to come over and talk to dad until mom could sneak out. We had no hope of peace. CHAPTER 2 It became our daily routine to leave overnight after mom and dad had a huge fight and mom and jack got the shit beat out of them. Jack and I began begging mom to leave him and get a divorce. She kept saying she couldn’t he would kill her. We figured he would kill her and maybe jack too eventually. He really hated jack and hated when mom stuck up for him even more. I was beginning to hate the fact that jack was a total ass to me whenever dad was gone or sleeping. He knew I wouldn’t tell dad because I felt bad for him when he got the beatings. His favorite thing to do was ram my head into the front door. I was sure I would wind up brain damaged. The worst part was mom always seen it and would yell at me! She hated me as much as dad hated jack. I was always the problem and the cause if dad beat jack she blamed me. Even though I always stuck up for him and even her one night. Dad was on the rampage and jack had run out the back door. Dad stood up and told mom he was going to kick her teeth in, and stupid ten year old me stood up to my dad and told him it would be over my dead body. He punched me in the face and I fell to the floor and he did beat her. I never again tried to step in, figured if it was going to be both of us I would rather it be just her. That was the only time dad ever hit me, he did choke me one night because he was just jumping up to grab jack and I told him to run, and dad grabbed me and was choking the life out of me and telling me “run bitch run!” Steve finally got him to let go. I don’t know how Steve always calmed him down but he did. Thank God. Each night we would end up at friends and always got to school late and sometimes wearing the same clothes we wore the day before. For me school was very difficult. I struggled to get passing grades. I loved school it was my escape from the nightmare of a home I had, The teachers always liked me because I tried my best and never misbehaved. I always passed to the next grade but usually by the skin on my teeth or because the teacher felt so bad for me. Dad got smart over the years and started pulling the distributor cap off so we couldn’t start the car to leave. That always left jack in the neighbor’s car and me upstairs with Trina while mom held onto Teri with dear life hoping he wouldn’t hit her. Sometimes he wouldn’t but sometimes he would say “hold that fucking baby bitch see if it stops me.” And he would kick her or throw a bottle of beer at her. One night I was standing in the doorway of the kitchen and dining room waiting for him to get ready to eat (he always ate 10 minutes before pass out time) and he was yelling at her and she was ignoring him as usual. He jumped up and grabbed the twelve gauge from the corner he always kept it in and told her he was going to blow her fucking head off if she didn’t answer him, she said “go ahead” and he shot my cat right there in front of me and on the dining room floor! Mom never even flinched. I think sometimes she prayed he would kill her. No person should ever have to go through those beatings but she had her problems too. She was always sleeping with other men and usually his friends. He flirted a bunch with every woman he met but never that I know of did anything with them. She was on her way to becoming his alcoholic wife. Now we had two alcoholics at the dining room table. I was beginning to do all the cleaning, jack was gone most all the time. Trina was never any help. And taking care of Terri became my major concern. I didn’t let her go hungry the way I did, I would go ask the neighbor lady if I could clean her windows or rake her yard, make a few dollars and go buy bread and feed her toast. Three times a day if I needed to. Mom would cash her welfare check buy a bag of groceries, and the rest went for cigarettes and beer. We went without heat many nights, used a wood stove but rarely had wood to burn. CHAPTER 3 Terri was now three and ready to begin preschool. Mom was now working an office job so she could get the welfare check. Dad told me I had to take the day off school to go enroll Teri. I did it and the principal only let me because I told him my dad was home drunk and mom was at work and Teri would have to stay home with dad for 6 hours a day if we didn’t get her into school. I ended up taking off many days to take her to school because no buses for the kids who lived inside city limits and there was no way dad would take her or pick her up. I almost failed the 7 grade. But I did pretty well on finals and they let me pass. Jack and Trina always had good grades and they never seemed to study, I would spend hours every night studying and still get D’s. It was the summer after tenth grade that I finally gave up on jack. I was already sick of his teasing and cheap shots. He had some friends over one Saturday when mom and dad were at a friend’s house. One of the guys grabbed me on the ass and I told him to knock it off. Jack told me to shut up and I told him to fuck off. I went out on the front porch and this friend of jacks came out and said ‘jack says if I want to sleep with you I can” I told him I didn’t think so and he tried to grab my boob and I kicked him in the groin. He slapped me and went back inside. Jack came out and punched me and told me to quit being so snobbish. I went over to Steve and Betty’s and asked if Eric was home (their oldest boy) he was upstairs and I went up there and we chatted for a while and he finally asked me “so what’s up?” and I told him. He said let’s go for a walk and we did. We walked down the railroad tracks for about 5 miles and talked. He told me he would talk with jack and said if I needed anything to let him know. When we got back to the house jack came outside and asked Eric if he got a piece and Eric punched him in the nose and told him to fuck off. Then he went home. I walked into the house and shut the door. Jack came in and he was bleeding and he told me he would get even. I went to bed and smiled all night. Eric and I became really good friends that year. Never more than that but really close friends. He would stick up for me in school when jacks friends would pick on me. He was a big brother more than jack was. Mom and dad fought more and more. Mom was drunk as often as dad these days. Dad ended up in jail one night and I am not really certain why. He was there almost a full year and when he got out mom had his clothes packed and threw him out. We were all shocked. She always told him to quit drinking and he could come back. He hadn’t drunk in a year and she had really boozed it up. But he left, got an apartment and did quit drinking. One night I came in from visiting dad and jack told me I better not come in late again, I told him to shut up and he threw a coke bottle at me and broke my nose. I asked mom to take me to the hospital and she laughed. No kidding. And so I went over to dads and told him what happened and he went over there and told mom jack better never touch me again or they would both be sorry. CHAPTER 4 I spent a few days with dad after that. He and mom spent nights together sometimes, usually when she wanted money or something. She always said it was only because he wouldn’t take Terri if she didn’t. I really thought things would now get better, dad was finally out of the house and now mom could quit drinking and we could have a real life. Boy I was wrong. Mom just began to drink more and stay out longer, sometimes for days. Jack and I really hated each other, and I didn’t like Trina any more than I had before, she was always leaving the house and never telling us where she was and one night she didn’t come home, it took us hours to find her. Mom and Jack weren’t concerned but I was certain she was dead somewhere. Dad finally moved back in a few months later. I thought he had given up drinking for good but that was a joke. Within hours of him moving back in he was drunk, mom was drunk and they were back to fighting again. I was now sharing a bedroom with Terri and Trina and stayed in there as much as possible. One night mom and dad were playing cards with my Uncle Joe and his wife Sally and dad got pissed because they lost and him and mom started to fight. Joe was instigating a really huge blow out thinking it was really funny. He dared dad to just shoot the bitch and dad got the gun out and was loading it and mom took off out the door. She had never done this before and I knew if he caught her he would kill her. She went to the bar and called the cops. When dad saw Stanley coming up the sidewalk he threw the gun to Jack and told him to drop it in the cellar. When Jack did the gun went off and a bullet skinned his temple. He was bleeding but it only scratched him. Jack left out the back door and Joe and Sally went home. I was getting dad something to eat and Trina and Terri were both sleeping on the couch. I put his plate on the table and told him I was going to bed. when mom came in around noon he told her he was leaving. Dad left that day taking only a bag of clothes and we didn’t know where he had gone. Things remained quiet for a few weeks and then dad stopped by one night in a car! He told me he was living with a friend about 8 miles away, got a job and was here to take me and Terri and Trina for the weekend. We went and spent the whole weekend with him, he never drank or yelled at us once. When he dropped us off he told mom he would bring over some groceries next week. And he did too! Jack and I were fighting more now that mom was gone most of the time and dad moved out. I was sick of his friends coming over and sick of cleaning the house everyday by myself. He made me so mad one day I pulled out a butcher knife and told him I was going to kill him. He left the house for a few hours and when he came back I was laying on the couch half asleep and he came in and told me I better get a lot bigger the next time I threaten him and he spit on me and dumped a coke all over me. I was so mad I was crying when mom came in with the man of the week and she told me to shut up and find somewhere else to cry. I was now in full swing of hating mom, and Jack and now I was beginning to feel really sorry for Trina. I had always disliked her and really had no good reason. She and I started to hang out and she helped me take care of Teri. She was always ready to skip school and let me go saying she didn’t really care if she passed or not. I let her do it for a while. One day I came home and Trina told me she was moving out! I told her she was crazy she was only 14 and where did she think she would go? She told me she was moving in with some friends. And she sure did, the very next day. Jack was spending a lot more time gone too and I loved it. It was usually just Terri and I. I would see Jack or Trina at school once in a while but I heard that they both dropped out. I finally decided to ask dad if he would come back. So the next weekend when he came for us I did ask him and he told me no he couldn’t cause he now had a girlfriend. He also didn’t take Terri or me for a few months. CHAPTER 5 It was the summer after I turned 17. Jack had left in October the previous year and we hadn’t heard a word from him. I didn’t really care but mom cried a lot saying she always loved him so much and why couldn’t he just call her. I was doing laundry on a Saturday and hanging it on the line when a Sheriff Patrol pulled up out front. I ran inside knowing mom was still asleep and he asked if he could speak with one of my parents. I told him my dad didn’t live with us and my mom was asleep. He waited for me to wake her up and it took a while because she was very hung over. “I am sorry to tell you this Madam, but your son has been found dead.” Just like that! I have yet to hear mom scream like that. I called dad and he came over. I could tell he was upset but not really knowing why I would call him. Jack had apparently killed himself. Dad refused to identify the body saying he knew mom would never believe him anyway and mom was in no shape to do it I did it. I was really sad but not as sad as I think other sisters would be if they had just lost their brother. We had him cremated because the state was paying for it and that’s what they said we could afford. Mom would never be the same. Trina was still staying with friends and she made no effort to comfort mom. I don’t think they ever really bonded. Hell I don’t think any one of us bonded with mom. Mom began to drink herself into oblivion every night. Terri didn’t even know who mom was most of the time. I would tell her to stay home with mom so I could go out for a walk or to visit one of my friends and she would always follow me. When she came home from school she came straight to my room to tell me the news of the day. One day she came upstairs and she was just rambling on about this boy who pushed her on the playground and she must have noticed that I was only half listening because she stopped talking and it took me a few seconds to notice. “Teri what were you saying?” I asked. She sat down on the bed and was stroking my hair with her hand and she said “Jenny, I can tell something is wrong, want to talk about it?” This coming from a 8 year old. But I did want to talk, so I did. “Well, lets see, I have been thinking a lot these days and I think 1 am gonna quit school and move out. I don’t want to leave you though so maybe I can get Trina to come home to live for a while. Mom and I are fighting more these days and I just don’t see where I am going to graduate with the grades I have anyway. I have a friend who has a friend I can stay with until I can get a job.” She just sat there with this blank look on her face, almost as though I had hit her. It took her a few minutes to get up the voice to speak. “Jenni, please don’t leave me, I don’t care if Mom does come home, she isn’t you and won’t take care of me like you do. I will be all alone. You will graduate and then you can get a job and I can come live with you. Please don’t go jenny.” I knew this would be the hardest thing in the world for me to do. But I also knew I was gonna do it. I was sick of being the caretaker of the family always doing the right thing when noone else gave a damn. CHAPTER 6 I left home a week later. Teri went to live with dad and his girlfriend Sheila. She went kicking and screaming too. I promised her as soon as I got a job she could come visit every weekend and holiday. Sheila was a very nice person, very thin like mom. She had a deep voice and her face was severely scared from a fire years earlier. I moved in with my friend’s cousin his name was Martin. He was four years older than I was and a really nice guy. I didn’t have anything to move except my clothes. He had a three-bedroom house and said I could have the spare room. (One room was an office) I didn’t have a bed or dresser or anything of my own so he bought me a new bedroom suite and said when I got the money I could pay him back. The arrangement was that I would finish school and then go to work, I had to pay for my own groceries and my part of the phone bill. If I couldn’t pay for it in cash then I had to baby-sit for his sister. Seemed like a great arrangement to me. I babysat for his sister for free on weekends and during the week at night she would pay me seventy-five bucks a week. This was working out really nice, although I wasn’t getting much sleep. Graduation was only a week away, I finally made it. I had a summer job lined up at the beauty salon just up the street. I would clean at night after it closed. Things were looking really good. I asked Martin if I could bring Terri over one weekend and he said sure. She came over after school on Friday and dad said he would pick her up Sunday at five. She was getting so big, her hair was cut really short and I didn’t like it much but didn’t see any need to bring it up. Martin came home around eight and brought pizza and a couple movies. I thought this to be a bit odd because we usually didn’t hang out with one another. But Terri wanted to watch Tarzan and I was really hungry and hadn’t made anything yet. So we sat and watched the movie and Terri fell asleep on the floor and I was just going to pick her up and take her to my room when Martin stopped me. “Let her sleep there, she won’t hurt anything.” I was really wondering about Martins strange behavior. He always wanted the house in perfect order and if I accidentally left something out of place like the phone book, he would tell me this was his house and if I didn’t like the way he wanted things I could leave. “Martin, it isn’t any problem I can take her into my room. She will look for me if she wakes up anyway.” I said softly not wanting to anger him. He picked her up and carried her for me. And on the way out of my room he told me I better clean up the pizza boxes before going to bed. I was in the kitchen cleaning the dishes that were left and he came in. “Jenny I am sorry if I seem rough with you. I need to explain something to you if you don’t mind.” He looked really sad. “Go ahead Martin.” I said. He got this really weird look on his face. “I don’t want you to take this wrong, and I don’t want this to interfere with our arrangement. I was just wondering, since your not dating anyone and I’m not either, would you like to go out with me?” He was staring at the floor. I was in total shock. Martin had never even appeared to be interested in me. He was very handsome. About six foot 5, 275 lbs. And his hair was jet black and shoulder length. He was definitely someone I would like to go out with, I just didn’t see Martin as dating material for whatever reason. “Sure, I’ll go out with you, but it will have to wait a couple weeks because I have Terri until Sunday and next Sunday is graduation.” I went to bed thinking happy thoughts. I couldn’t believe Martin would want to date me. I hope he meant it and this isn’t a bad joke on me. CHAPTER 7 Sunday when dad came to pick up Terri he asked me if I wanted her for the summer. I did of course but didn’t know what Martin would have to say about that. So I told dad I would have to let him know. I asked how mom was and he said he hadn’t seen her but heard she was still drinking a lot and that the house was falling apart on her. It was sad to see Terri leaving and I had to run into my room so Martin wouldn’t see me crying. He knocked on the door about a half-hour after they had left and asked if he could come in. I hadn’t answered him when he walked in. That bothered me some, since I could have been dressing or something. He sat down on the bed asking “Is it your dad, Jennie, did he do something to hurt you?” He had this concerned look on his face. I had to smile, thinking he cared about me enough to want to know why I was crying like a baby. “No not my dad really, life I guess. See mom is a drunk with no hope of recovery, and dad has a new girlfriend and new life starting and Tern is caught in the middle and dad wants me to take her for the summer. I really want to but I don’t have anywhere to take her. She is my life, I have taken care of her for a long time and she really needs someone to be with.” He was sitting there with a strange look on his face, and all of a sudden he laughed this really loud deep laugh. “You had me scared Jennie, I thought something really bad happened the way you were carrying on, you can bring Terri here with us. Of course you will have to make sure she follows the rules and you clean up after her as well as yourself. But I think it would be great to have her here and of course she must attend school. This is all up to you, but I don’t see that you have any other choice. So what do you think?” I was astounded at his offer. Why was he so nice to me, what had I ever done to deserve this? I will make sure Terri follows rules and attends school. She won’t be any trouble to you at all. And then I kissed his cheek. And in return he kissed me very passionately on the lips. We were both a little embarrassed and went out to the living room. I had planned on eating a small salad and heading off to bed, when Martin asked “do you want to go catch a movie?” It didn’t take me long and we were out the door to watch Titanic. The movie was good and very long. We didn’t get home until almost midnight and I was floating on air. The night was so nice, Martin treated me so kind and made me feel like we were on a real date! He even paid my way. I was really beginning to have feelings for him and wondered to myself where this could lead. He must have been reading my mind because he quickly took my hand in his and kissed it “Jennie I am not trying to confuse you, I like you a lot actually more than that and I want to date you and only you. I don’t want you dating anyone but me. Do you feel what I feel Jennie? Do you want me like I want you? Please tell me yes. Say yes and we can make love.” Wow! He was so romantic and sexy at the same time. Needless to say we made love and slept in his room that night. That was the first time I had ever saw his room and it was something. He had a large king size solid oak water bed with mirrors on the headboard and the ceiling. The walls were painted a deep blue with white clouds on them as a border. He had a large fish tank with huge goldfish inside it and two turtles. It was beautiful. The one thing that caught my eye was the window, it was covered with a wood door and had padlocks on it. When he noticed me staring at it he explained that he had been robbed last year and they came in through his window so now he locks it up. I thought it a little strange to go to the extreme he did but figured it was his room he could lock it any way he saw fit. The next morning he made us breakfast before he left for work. I watched him as he made eggs bacon and toast. He was fascinating to watch. He was so big but moved so graceful and he always had a big smile on his face. I really wanted him to know how much I cared for him. So I sat down after he left and thought of the perfect date. We were supposed to be going on our “first date” in two weeks. I didn’t have to be to work until 9:30 so I figured I would go shopping and buy something special to wear. I was in the middle of the ladies section and heard someone calling my name. When I looked to find who it was it was a girl I went to school with in junior high, Lucy, she had moved away in 8 grade. “Hey Jennie how are you doing? You look good, haven’t changed much but a little taller. Do you have any kids” she added. “No I don’t have any kids, I’m not even graduated yet, not until next Sunday. You look good too. When did you come back?” She went on to tell me that she dropped out of school in tenth grade met a guy and thought he would take care of her forever, they ended up having 2 kids and he split when she told him she was pregnant again. She gave the third one up for adoption. We left the store and went to the Dairy Queen for lunch. It was nice to see someone I knew and chat for a while. I told her about Jack and she said she had heard my mom and dad divorced. She was leaving for New Orleans Friday to take care of her sister while she recovered from an automobile accident. We said our good-byes and I went home. I didn’t even buy a new dress. Oh well maybe tomorrow. CHAPTER 8 I decided to take a nap. I woke up with a feeling like someone was watching me. And Martin was watching me! He was sitting in my room on a pillow across the room just staring. He looked like he was in a trance or something. I had to say his name three times before he even knew I was awake.”Martin, what are you doing?” I asked rather quickly and irritably. “oh hi Jennie did you have a nice nap?” I looked over at the clock to find out it was 7 p.m. “I didn’t want to wake you, you looked really whipped. What did you do today to make you so sleepy?” he asked. I was in total shock to realize I had slept so long and that Martin had been watching me. How long had he been there, and why? I would have to ask. “I was out shopping today, thought I would take a rest, so tell me why were you watching me sleep? Don’t you have better things to do?” I said and smiled. Hoping he wouldn’t hear the anger in my voice. He stood up and walked into the living room. I followed him out and he sat on the couch turned on the television and completely ignored me. I asked him again and he still wouldn’t answer. Finally I gave up and went to take a shower. Just as I started to undress I heard him yelling at me so I wrapped a towel around me and went out there. “What the hell are you doing Jennie, you can’t go to work without doing your chores here first. Remember we have a deal here, you get to stay here for almost nothing as long as you do your chores.” He stomped into his room before I could even reply. I took my shower and got dressed for work. When I came out he was still in his room. I straightened up the kitchen, vacuumed and then I left. I still had laundry to fold and floors that needed to be mopped but I figured he could deal with it or throw me out. He had a really nasty temper these days and I was simply sick of it! I could hardly work, every time I turned around I was thinking of Martin and wondering why he was the way he was. He made me feel like he really loved me and wanted a relationship sometimes but on other days he acted as though we were simply room mates and he kind of wanted to give orders. Making love with him was so great and when we looked into one another’s eyes he made me melt. Just thinking of him got me horney. I figured I would finish work and go home and apologize to him and we could make up. And tomorrow for sure I would go buy a dress. It took me longer than usual to finish the shop tonight. My mind was somewhere else. So I didn’t get home until almost midnight. I knew Martin would be asleep by now but I didn’t care. I wanted to talk with him. I knocked on his bedroom door softly. “Martin can I come in and talk with you?” He didn’t answer so I opened the door a crack and what I saw almost knocked the wind right out of me! Martin was sitting up on the side of the bed with his pants off, and a woman, no it was a girl kneeling in front of him with her face in his crotch! Before I could even see who it was I slammed the door and ran to the bathroom and I was sick. It took me a few moments to get back to reality. I was hoping I was dreaming and when I walked into the living room I knew I was not. There sat Martin. He had a smug look on his face. “Your home late Jennie, what have you been doing tonight?” He asked with such accusation in his voice it made me furious. “What the hell do you think I was doing, I was working. Unlike you, you son of a bitch! How dare you sleep with someone else? It was your idea that we see only each other!” I was screaming so loud and I didn’t care who heard me. I didn’t hear the bedroom door open and didn’t notice anyone come out until I heard my name. “Jennie I am so sorry, he made me do it, he said if I didn’t he would kill you and rape me, I didn’t know what else to do. I am really sorry!” It was Terri! She was crying hysterically and shaking too. The room seemed to be closing in on me, I couldn’t breathe. No he couldn’t have done this, not to Terri, she is only 13 years old. I reached out to hug her and Martin jumped up and grabbed me by the arm. He was hurting me. He pushed Terri onto the couch and told her to stay put. He then forced me into his bedroom, threw me on the bed and slapped me across the face! “You will learn Jennie, you do what you are expected to do, when I expect it or I will have Terri every day. You are mine now, I own you and I own Terri too. I spoke with your father today and told him how we wanted Terri to come live with us. He was very grateful to me for offering to take care of her. So this is the deal. You never ever leave this house without my permission. You clean my house to my standards. You make sure Terri goes to school everyday, If I want sex, you will give it to me or I will take it from Teri. If you even think of telling anyone or reporting me to the police. I will easily kill you. Or better yet I will rape you and then rape Terri and kill both of you. Do you understand me?” He yelled. I was crying and felt as though I may vomit again. I couldn’t get any voice in me to come out. I wanted to run and hide. This was a nightmare, and I knew I would wake up any minute. But I didn’t wake up, I stood up and walked right past him into the living room. I sat down next to Terri and held her. What had I got her into? I had to think. There had to be a way out of this. He wouldn’t touch us again. I prayed. CHAPTER 9 Terri and I never went to bed; we sat on the couch and cried all night. She kept telling me how sorry she was and I kept telling her it wasn’t her fault. I explained to her that she had to go to school and never miss school. I told her I would do my best to keep him away from her. I also told her not to tell anyone. We had to keep the peace until I could come up with a plan. Martin was up and ready to eat by 8: a.m. and he wanted the full course breakfast, eggs, bacon, toast and hashbrowns. I couldn’t eat and Terri had fallen asleep so I didn’t wake her. I didn’t say anything to him the entire time I was cooking. Finally he took my hand and said “Jennie, I didn’t want it to be this way, if you would only have listened to me. I do love you Jennie. I want us to get married and have our own children. Don’t be mad at me. I will not hurt you. I won’t ever touch Terri again I promise.” I couldn’t believe his nerve. Did he really think I was buying this shit? He continued. “Teri, you can take her home to your dad today if you want, really. But if you do will she be loved and cared for? Who does for her what you do? I can provide for you both and you don’t have to work. Jennie if you leave where will you go? Back to live with your alcoholic mother? On the street? Here is where you belong. With me and in my house. I am sorry for the way I hurt you and I won’t do it again. Now kiss me and tell me you’ll stay, please Jennie.” He really was making some degree of sense. Where would I go? Who would take care of Teri? Could he really be sorry? Maybe. I kissed him on the cheek and told him I wanted to go to bed. I thought for sure he would follow me to my room, but he didn’t. I heard the door about a half hour later. When I came out to see if he had left, he had. He left a note for me saying “I am going to work. Take her home if you wish. I hope you will not leave me and will find a way to forgive me. I will be home around 6. Love Martin” I tried to sleep but it was useless. Terri woke up around noon and I told her about Martin and my conversation. She said she wanted to be with me. And I told her I didn’t have anywhere else to take her right now. We agreed that she would stay and I would work on getting us out of here. I never told her he wanted us to get married. I just knew I couldn’t do that. Somehow I would have to keep his mind off that. CHAPTER 10 Graduation was only a few hours away. I really didn’t want to go, but Martin insisted. Teri hadn’t been the same for days. I knew the situation was really hard on her. Martin had bought me a dress to wear for the ceremony and one for Teri too. I put mine on to keep peace but when I walked into the living room Teri still had not put hers on. “You really need to get ready honey, Martin will be angry if we are late.” I said to her. “I can’t go Jenni, I can’t face dad and mom knowing what that man has done to me! Dad will be so happy and grateful to Martin for taking me off his back, and mom, well she will flirt with him like she does every man. I know I will cry, please don’t make me go.” She wept. I wanted to tell her she could stay here, but I knew Martin would object to it. “Teri you have to get dressed. We are going to be ok, we have each other and I’m not going to let him touch you again. Just remember we need money and time to get away from him, until then we have to keep quiet.”I was trying to convince myself as well as her. Would everything be all right? Would I be able to keep him away from her? I didn’t know for sure but I knew I would die trying. When we got to the school, dad and mom were waiting for us. Mom was sober! I couldn’t believe this. And dad looked really happy too. He shook Martin’s hand and again thanked him for taking such good care of his girls. He introduced mom to Martin and she didn’t flirt once. Terri took notice too, winking in my direction. It was time for me to go get in line and Martin gave me a very passionate kiss and told me he was very proud. Terri was getting ready to sit next to mom when Martin said “Teri let your mom and dad sit up front, come sit with me.” I thought she would vomit right there. But she held her own and sat down next to him. I knew how scared she was. This was my entire fault; I had to get her out of this mess. But how. After the ceremony we went to the park for a picnic. Dad and mom had it all set out when we got there. I didn’t know anything about this. Martin told me on the way that mom came up with the idea and she actually made all the food. I couldn’t believe that either. Martin also told me that mom and dad were trying to work out their troubled and dad had told him he might be moving back in with her. I was completely stunned. But this could be a good thing. If they worked things out then Terri could move back home and I could too. We could get away from Martin. This really made me happy. I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day! CHAPTER 11 When we got home it was after 6 and I was tired. Terri fell asleep in the car and I had to wake her up. Martin offered to carry her and I almost screamed “NO” at him. I think he knew I was still worried that he may try to touch her. I made sure Teri was in bed and asleep before I left the bedroom, she was having nightmares lately. Martin was sitting on the couch with an ugly smirk on his face. “What are your plans for tonight Jenni?” he asked. I knew he wanted something from me. “Martin if you want something, just ask me don’t beat around the bush.” I replied. I never expected him to do what he did next. Before I even knew he got up he had a hold of my hair and was pulling it so hard my head jerked backward and I thought my neck would break. I fell backwards and he let me hit the floor with a loud thud. He then cupped his hand over my mouth and put his knee into my stomach and put most of his weight on me. “If you think you can mouth off to me like that, I will have to teach you a lesson.” he spat out at me. Then he spit in my face and picked me up by the hair. I didn’t know what to do, if I scream then Terri would wake up and he would hurt her too. He threw me down on the couch and put his foot on my chest. He was pushing me into the back of the couch. His face was red with anger and I could see he was getting angrier. “Martin, I’m really sorry. Please just sit down and we can talk. I really didn’t mean to talk to you like that. It’s been a long day.” I was trying to coax him out of this rage. He grabbed me by the chin and held my face up so I was inches away from his nose. “Jenni, like I said, you belong to me. You do what I want, when I want. Speak in the tone I want, sleep when I tell you and never ever think of leaving me and we will get along just fine.” Can you handle that?” He grabbed my chin harder. “Yes Martin I can handle it.” I didn’t think I could, and knew I didn’t want to. But he was strong, and I really didn’t know what might happen if I crossed him. Would he go as far as to kill one of us? I didn’t want to find out. He finally sat down. He made me take my clothes off and have sex with him right there on the couch. I protested and used Terri as an argument, but he said if I didn’t want to perform he would go get Terri to do my duties for me. What else could I do, I gave in. I was in a no win situation. CHAPTER 12 The weeks turned into months and I was getting really worried that I may never get us away from him. Terri did really well in school, never missing a day. I kept the house spotless for him, had his dinner ready when he came in at night and we all ate at the table like a real family. The only problem was for Teri and life was a real living nightmare! She did her homework at the coffee table after the dishes were all put away. Then into the shower and to bed. She never went to a friend’s house or asked a friend to come over. I knew she was ashamed of herself and she wouldn’t dare bring someone here to meet Martin. I never left the house without permission. I was allowed to go to the grocery store on Tuesday Mornings and that were all. I asked if I could go to the library once and Martin said “What are you looking for Jenni? A way out of here?” So I never brought it up again. One Friday morning I woke up feeling really sick and I was vomiting a lot too. When I woke up with the same symptoms on Saturday, I knew I better go see a doctor. I didn’t want to tell Martin so I made an appointment with the local Health Department for Tuesday afternoon. I figured I would go after shopping. The nurse was very kind and when she came in to take my blood she noticed a large bruise on my arm. “Are you having some troubles dear?” she asked softly. I was embarrassed and ashamed. “No I just ran into a wall that’s all”. She looked at me for a moment and then said “well, if you ever need someone or somewhere to go, don’t think you’re alone. There are many people out there who want to help.” And she left the room. The doctor came in a few minutes later and said he didn’t know whether or not I would be happy with the news, I was pregnant! I couldn’t help it a scream popped out of me! I was sobbing and carrying on when the doctor left and sent the nurse backs in. “Honey, you now have more to worry about than yourself. If you must stay in your situation then what will happen to your child?” She asked me. I couldn’t figure out how she knew. I wouldn’t give in and let her know for sure though, she only thought she knew, I didn’t have to confirm her beliefs. I got up and stormed out of the office. How dare she assume I am being abused? Did I ask for her help? I was so mad that I didn’t even notice Martin’s car in the driveway when I pulled up. I was just getting my key ready to unlock the door when he pulled it open and I almost fell! “So you are out having a good time without asking me first?” he yelled as he was taking the bags from my arms. What could I say, I didn’t want him to know the truth, that I was pregnant. “Martin, I had a flat tire and had to wait for someone to come out and change it for me.” I said quickly so he wouldn’t think I was lying. “What are you up to coming home in the middle of the day?” I said in a seductive voice hoping to switch the subject. I gave him a big kiss and went to putting the groceries away. He sat at the table and watched me for a while before saying “I came home to check on you, I will do that from time to time, so don’t get used to lying to me.” And then he went out the door. I was confused, did he know where I had been? If so why hadn’t he brought it up? What was I going to do? I didn’t want a baby, but I didn’t want to abort one either. And I knew if I told Martin he would never let me give it up for adoption, this would be another way to keep me here in his clutches. I had to make up my mind soon because the doctor said I was two months along and soon I would begin to show. I would have to talk with Teri when she came home. CHAPTER 13 Two weeks had passed since Martin had came home early. Teri and I decided to wait a few more weeks until we could come up with a real plan. The first thought we both had was to move out while he was at work, but I was scared he might come home early and catch us and we would have hell to pay. So for these past two weeks we were walking on egg shells, being sure to be extra nice to Martin and do our chores better than usual. If he knew anything was up, he didn’t let on. Mom and dad were doing just fine, still hanging in there. Dad called me the other night and said mom hadn’t had a drink in almost a month! That was something! I always knew dad loved her, and I was really glad they were making it work. They did deserve happiness, even though they didn’t give us kids much of it. Dad even suggested Terri come home to live, but when I suggested it to her she flew off the deep end. Said there was no way she was leaving me here to take all the heat and she had faith that we were both going to get out soon. I loved her for that. But today was the day of all days. Martin came home at his usual time, he had been drinking some and was in one foul mood. First thing he did was look at dinner and laugh as he threw it into the garbage! I knew better than to say anything. Terri came out of our room and immediately caught on to the mood too. So there we sat on the sofa like two scared children waiting for the house to fall on us. Martin slammed his fist onto the coffee table, “what the hell do you two want from me? I give you a place to live, food, and all I get is disrespect. And today I expect will change our lives forever. Won’t it Jenni?” He was waiting for me to answer. “I don’t really know what you mean Martin.” I squeaked. He stood up and gave me a deadly stare. He wanted me to tell him, I knew now that he knew all along about the baby. What would I do? “Martin, I think you may be right. I perked up and sat on the edge of the sofa, hoping Terri would take my cue. I do have some really good news for you, and it is sure to change our lives.” Before I even saw it coming his fist landed fight in the middle of my face. I was knocked backwards, and blood poured out of my face. Terri screamed and bolted out the front door! I tried to follow her, but I was so weak I didn’t make it off the sofa before he tackled me to the floor. Another blow to the face, and yet another. I knew I would die right here on this floor. Then he stood up, I rolled over and tried to push myself up and he kicked me in the stomach, then again. I lost consciousness. CHAPTER 14 I knew as soon as I woke up that I had lost my baby and I was in the hospital. This monster had taken part of my life and then the life of my child and I let him. How would I face anybody? Especially Terri I sunk into a serious depression. Teri came to see me later that afternoon and I couldn’t even talk to her. She tried like the dickens to get me to talk, and after a few hours she just said “Jenni, this isn’t my fault, or yours. I love you and she left. My dad came in the next morning and he looked like someone had hit him with a truck. I asked him what happened and he said he fell down. He asked me what my plans were when they released me. I didn’t have any, didn’t even think about it until he brought it up. “Jenni, I feel somewhat responsible for this, and your mom does too, we want to extend the offer for you to come home and stay for awhile.” I couldn’t believe it! They really did want to help. Stupid me, I should have asked before all this, maybe I would still have my baby! I was crying like a baby and dad put his arm around me and said “but you know, if you come home that means you are running away from your problems, you should really think about this before making any decisions. I want to help, but remember you have to face up to your responsibilities in life too. You can’t blame us for everything that happens and can’t run home everytime you fall down.” My heart stopped beating. I had just been lifted onto a balloon and some cruel person let the air out. Why would he offer me to come home and then try to make me feel guilty about it? What had I done to deserve this? “Dad, I am very tired, and want to sleep. Could you come back tomorrow?” I rolled over and closed my eyes. He left without ever saying another word. I knew in my heart he didn’t want me to come home. I also knew I wouldn’t go home, not this time or ever. Even if that meant I would have to live on the street. My parents had made it clear that they didn’t want to help me out. I drifted off to sleep and when I opened my eyes I thought I was dreaming. Martin was standing next to my bed. He was staring at me and tears were streaming down his face. I tried to scream but nothing came out. He put his hand on mine and said “Jenni, its ok, I’m not here to hurt you. I am so sorry Jenni. I lost my control and my head. I never meant to hurt you and I didn’t even know you were pregnant. Why Jenni? Why wouldn’t you have told me we were expecting our first child? I never would have hit you. I really am sorry, please let me make it up to you.” He sounded so sincere. And he was crying. Did he mean what he said? I couldn’t think, my head felt foggy. I needed more sleep and more pain pills. I turned on my call light and Martin just looked at me. The nurse came in and I asked for something for pain and asked her why I felt so foggy. She said it was partly the pain medicine and the fact that I had a severe concussion. I looked at Martin and said, “you really need to leave.” He walked out and never said a word. I went off to sleep again and didn’t wake up until ten the next morning. I was so sore and still felt foggy, but at least I could sit up. I wanted to talk to someone, but didn’t know whom. Teri would be at school and I wouldn’t call mom or dad. Then Trina walked in, just as though she had heard me thinking. She looked really good. “Hey Jen, how ya doing? Dad called me and told me I would find you here. I didn’t think you would look this good though, but I guess the papers always make it sound worse than it is. So when will they let you go?” The papers? What was she talking about? “The papers know I’m here? Why?” I managed to get out. “Hell, everyone in town knows you’re here. It made the front page yesterday. Said you tried to kill Martin and he had to defend himself and this is what happened to you. He made a statement late yesterday afternoon though, said he wasn’t going to press charges. He said you were drunk and things happen.” So, Jen when did you start drinking?” she smirked. Finally, I knew there was someone I could talk with. Trina went down to the cafeteria while the nurse changed my bandage on my face and gave me a sponge bath. I was feeling about as good as I could considering I had 27 stitches in my face, 4 broken ribs, a serious concussion and lots of minors bruises. The nurse asked me if I wanted any pain medicine before she left, I declined, hoping the foggy feeling would go away so I could talk with Trina. “So Jenni, we really need to have us a real heart to heart, now don't” we?” she said with a big smile on her face and two large cokes in her hand. I didn’t know where to start. “Trina, I haven’t seen you since graduation. I hope things are going good for you.” I said. “Things are really good for me right now, definitely better for me than things have been for you big sis! I want to know what is going on, and why you’re still living in his house?” She said as she sipped her coke. So now I needed to tell her, and tell all of it too. “Trina, you will not believe some of what I am about to tell you, and you may even get sick to your stomach, but I hope you will keep it between us. Never let it leave this room. Can you promise me that?” I asked. She nodded. CHAPTER 15 “I moved in with him because I needed a place to live and he said I could live there and we had a really good arrangement. It was working out well for a couple weeks, then he wanted to go on a date, and I did too. After that first date, he began to act different, but not the way most guys act! He really thought he owned me. I walked in on him making Teri have oral sex with him. I wanted to leave then but I was afraid and he swore he would continue to have sex with her if I ever tried to leave. As long as Teri and I were obedient and made sure things went his way life wasn’t that bad, just stressful and scary. But I found out a few weeks ago I was pregnant. I wanted to leave but I knew I had to plan it and have somewhere safe to go. Teri and I decided not to tell him, we were going to make a break from him, we just needed time to think it through clearly. Then he came home the other night and he hinted that he knew I was pregnant and at first I tried to deny anything was up, but when I figured he knew I was going to tell him and he lost it, he punched me in the face, and Teri ran out the door and I tried to follow her but he caught me and he beat the hell out of me!” I was sobbing. “I never tried to kill him and I was not drunk, that is a total lie Trina, I swear.” She came and sat on my bed and hugged me, I cried for what seemed like hours. After I was all cried out, she wiped my face with a Kleenex and combed my hair out of my face. “Jenni, I am so sorry for what you have been through, and that we weren’t closer so you could have called me for help.” But we can’t change our past, we can only use it to make our future better. And that my dear sister is what we are going to work on. Dad said he offered you to come home and you told him no.” I can offer you a place to come for a couple months, not here in town where he could find you though, and I wouldn’t be there with you. I think you should be alone for a while and sort things through. Joel is my fiance’ and his parents have a nice cabin way up North, they offer it to us at least once a week, I am sure I can arrange for you to use it. I want to help you, but I also want you to help yourself ,so what do you say?” I could not believe what I was hearing, Trina was engaged to be married and I didn’t even know it! She was so grown up and sounded so responsible and sensible too. “Thanks, I need help right now. I’m so glad you came today. I haven’t spoke with Terri yet; I was too embarrassed to when she came the other day. I think she should go live with dad, but please do not tell dad about her, she feels very ashamed and I don’t want to make it worse for her. But you have to promise me you will not tell him where I am no matter what and he can’t know where Tern is either.” I pleaded. She agreed and she braided my hair and kissed me before leaving for the night. I was so tired and I needed something for pain. After the nurse came in I fell off to sleep for a long time. When I woke up I found Martin sitting in the chair in the corner. CHAPTER 16 I sat up and he moved his chair next to the bed. I was afraid of him and my arms were shaking. He didn’t say anything right away, he just watched me with sad eyes. I knew he would begin by telling me how sorry he was. I kept thinking about the cabin Trina said I could use, I had to keep thinking of it so I wouldn’t give in to him. “So what brings you here this late?” I asked casually. “I am here because I care about you and want to make sure you are doing ok, I am really sorry Jenni, I told you that yesterday in case you have forgotten. I want you to know how much I love you and that I promise never to hit you again, and I am going to counseling starting next week to get help. You can’t believe I would have hit you had I known you were pregnant.” Can you?” I had to choose my words carefully. “I would like to think you wouldn’t hit me regardless if I were pregnant or not, but that has been proven to be incorrect. I am glad you are going to get counseling, you do need it, but I don’t however care to see you anymore. Not today, or ever, so if you would be so kind as to leave before I call the nurse to have her walk you out.” I couldn’t look in his direction. I was afraid I would break if I saw his eyes. He didn’t move for a few minutes and I couldn’t get my arm to reach for the call light for fear he would tear it off. Then he stood up, bent down and kissed my forehead. When he got to the door he turned and looked straight at me and said “Jenni this is your biggest mistake, I own you remember? Don’t ever stop looking over your shoulder, I will be there when you do.” CHAPTER 17 I woke up screaming and sweating. I was dreaming that Martin was in my room and he was trying to kill me. The nurse came in and gave me a sleeping pill and told me I should really think about where I would go, the doctors said I could go home tomorrow. Home. Where is home? I lay there thinking for a few minutes before the pill kicked in and then I slept the rest of the night dream free. Trina showed up early and had my release all worked out. She had my dad call Martin and ask him out to lunch, she never told dad where she was taking me. She had her fiance’s car and she drove me to the cabin. It took almost four hours to get there and I was really terrified. She had the telephone turned on, the lights and gas and she even had the newspaper subscription renewed. I was grateful to her for everything she was doing for me. I was also scared as hell that if Martin found me he would kill me and no one would even know it for weeks! Trina said she would be coming up at least once a month, more if I really needed her too. She had the cupboards stocked full of food and meat in the freezer to last me four months at least. The cabin was really cozy and warm and I liked it. The yard was a mess, with leaves all over the place, so I would have something to keep me busy. She also brought me a paper bag full of books. I have to say she thought of everything! I asked her again who knew where I was, and she said just me, her and her fiancée’. Martin wouldn’t think of asking Trina where to find me, he knew I hadn’t spoke with her in almost a year and we weren’t close. I hope this works. I asked Trina just as she was walking out to the car “so how long do you think I will need to stay in hiding?” Trina didn’t answer me right away, she looked down at the ground and thought for a moment. “Jenni, I don’t know, only you know how dangerous he really is and what he is capable of, and how long he can hold a grudge.” She was getting into the car now, “Wait, what do I do in an emergency? Have you spoken with Teri? Does she know where I am? Did you tell her to stay away from Martin?” I was frantic, I was about to be left all alone and I was so scared. “Jenni, Terri doesn’t know where you are, but I did tell her to stay away from Martin and to call me if he tries to contact her. If you have an emergency call 911. You need your rest, and time to heal and think about the future. I will be in touch. Just don’t let him get to you, work through this time and before you know it you’ll be back to a normal life again.” And off she went. I went into the cabin and locked the door and checked all the windows to be sure they were locked. Then I lay down on the sofa and fell off to sleep. I woke up and it was dark! I thought Martin had found me and turned off the power. But to my amazement all I had to do was flip the switch! I had to settle down and stop worrying so much, he didn’t even know I was released from the hospital yet. I made myself a turkey sandwich and grabbed a coke and settled in to watch my favorite t.v show Friends. After the show I started in on one of the paperbacks that Trina thought to bring for me. I read until about midnight and then decided to go to bed. There was a bedroom to the left of the kitchen, but I decided to make the sofa my sleeping quarters until I felt more relaxed. CHAPTER 18 Morning came fairly quickly. I didn’t get much sleep, every noise I heard I had to jump up and investigate. There are a lot of raccoons out at night and they all seemed to be on my porch. I made coffee and went out on the porch to drink it. Boy this place was so peaceful and beautiful too. I could really get used to this type of living. Although I knew someday I would have to get a job and my own house and quit living off my little sister and her fiance’. I finished the pot of coffee and decided to start raking up some of the leaves. I found a rake in the shed behind the cabin. I also found an old bike and decided I would take a ride later in the day if the weather were still good. I had the entire front yard all raked by noon and stopped for lunch. I made another turkey sandwich and poured a glass of milk and went out onto the front porch to sit and eat. This place really made me feel at ease. My sandwich was gone and I was finishing the milk when I heard a car in the distance. My heart sank, I ran into the house and slammed the door and locked it. I knew it, he said he would find me and he surely did. It didn’t even take him 24 hours! The car pulled into the driveway and a man got out. I was peaking out the window and he came up on the porch and knocked on the door. “Hello, is anyone home?” he yelled. I could see him looking at the plate on the porch. Why was I so stupid, I should have brought it in with me? He was going back to his car. I waited about ten minutes after I could no longer hear the car before I went back out. I took the rake back to the shed and took my plate inside. No bike ride today I decided. I went inside and locked up and sat down to read some more. Much of the week remained the same routine except I quit going outside after the third day in a row the stranger showed up. I wish Trina would call me. And my wish finally came true, on Sunday morning Trina called. “Hi Jenni how is it going? Are you settling in yet?” She sounded so happy. “I am terrified Trina, some man has been here three times this week, and I am sure Martin has sent him” I was in a panic. “Oh my, Jenni, I am so sorry I forgot to tell you that Paul would be dropping by to introduce himself to you. He is a really close friend of mine and he lives about 45 minutes from the cabin so I asked him to stop by to check on you.” I am so sorry. My heart raced and then I found myself laughing out loud. “Boy your friend must think I am some kind of nut, each time he showed up I pretended noone was home!” Well at least I am safe and it isn’t someone Martin sent to drag me home to him. We talked for about an hour. Trina was making plans to be married in just 3 months and Teri was doing great in school. Mom and dad were even doing well. Trina said Terri still asks where I am but she doesn’t let on that she knows anything and mom and dad quit asking after the first day. Boy nice to know they care! We said our good-byes and Trina promised to come visit me next weekend. She said she would even think about bring Terri up with her. I couldn’t wait. The stranger didn’t show up for two days, then he came knocking on the door one morning before I was even out of bed. I thought about not answering, but figured Trina may have talked to him and told him I was still there. When I opened the door I almost fainted. This man was drop dead gorgeous! Jet black hair and the bluest eyes of anyone I have ever seen. “Hi there, my name is Paul and I am a friend of your sister Trina, she sent me to check on you and ask if you need anything?” His voice was so strong and sexy. “Urn, no I um, don’t need anything, thank you. I am doing just fine right now.” He stood there for a moment and then asked “aren’t you even going to invite me in for coffee?” He smiled and I thought I would melt right there. I wanted to let him in and seduce him! I couldn’t believe I was having these thoughts, I mean my gosh, what the hell is wrong with me! “No I will not be inviting you in Paul, I just met you and although Trina thinks you are wonderful, I don’t know you myself and I am not into inviting strangers into my home!” I was trembling. And worried that he may just come in anyway. What would I do then? “Well, ok then I will be on my way. Nice to meet you Jenni, have a good day and I will be around again to check on you.” And then he was gone as fast as he appeared. What was I doing? I couldn’t believe that I was letting this man make me feel things I haven’t felt in a very long time. But why shouldn’t I feel these things either? Was I going to let Martin destroy my entire life or would I get up and take my life back? Now that was the question of the day. And I already knew the answer to it.Today I start over, living my life my way. And I made a promise to myself to have a job and my own place before Trina’s wedding. CHAPTER 19 I sat down to the table and made a list of things I needed to do. First of all, I wanted to talk with Teri and find out how she was. I wanted to see her but I knew I should wait for a while before doing that. Then I wanted to clean up that old bike and take a ride, I didn’t even know how far away I was from a town or any civilization. If I could make the ride into town I would then know if there was any chance of finding a job out here. I needed to feel like I was doing something to help myself. And if I found a job here I would look for a small house or apartment, or even offer to pay rent on the cabin. I wanted to make it on my own, by myself. So I ate dinner and went and pulled out the old bike and began to wash it. By dusk I had it looking might nice! And I was so tired. I didn’t realize what one day of work could do to a person who hasn’t done anything but lay around! I went inside and took a shower, and had soup on the stove when the phone rang. At first I was afraid to answer, but then I reminded myself that this was my life. “Hello.” “Hi Jen, how are you?” it was Terri! “Hi Terri, I am so glad to hear from you, I was just thinking about you today and told myself I would be sure to get in touch with you. How are you? Where are you? I miss you so much.” I was so happy I couldn’t slow down. “I am fine, I am at home with Mom and Dad. I miss you too, how are you? I am so sorry I left you that night, Jen.” She was sobbing. “Hey, don’t worry about me, I am fine and you did the right thing, I don’t blame you at all. If I could have I would have been right behind you all the way.” I reassured her. We talked for almost an hour and she went on to tell me she would be going to the Prom next week. I was so excited for her. I wished I could be there to see her and help her. She said mom and dad were doing just great, neither of them had been drinking at all. And they were attending counseling every week. I was impressed and envious too. I wanted to be back home where everything seemed to be getting really good. I wanted to be with my family and have them help me through this horrible time in my life. But I knew that was not going to happen, and I needed to take control now. We said good bye and promised to call every week. She then put Trina on and Trina insisted that I keep myself scarce. She said that Martin had called mom and dad three times this week and he was making threats too. I told her I would be careful and to make sure she kept Teri away from him. I knew if he could get to her he would and he would do anything to her to get me to come back. I wasn’t ready to believe he had let this go just yet. Trina was happy to hear about me trying to find a job. She said the closest town was only five miles away and it would be a good idea to take a ride. She would be coming up for the weekend and she might even bring Terri with her. I asked to speak with mom, but Trina said she had just went up to bed, I started to ask for dad and figured I’d save myself the insult. I sure didn’t understand why they didn’t want to speak with me, was I that bad? Did I really deserve this treatment? CHAPTER 20 The next day I rode into town, it was about five or six miles and I was so tired when I got to town I hurried up and found a small diner to rest and get a bite to eat. I asked the waitress if she knew of any place in town that might be hiring. She said that they were looking for a part time waitress and brought me an application. I felt so awkward not having any experience but figured you really didn’t need much to be a waitress. I didn’t list the job I had cleaning because I figured they might speak with Martin and I would be in trouble if he found me. After lunch I decided to walk for a while. This was a small town, maybe just a village. Crofting, that was the name of it, and there were only two main streets and then some side streets. I was very sore from riding the bike, but overall felt great. I had been outside for at least 4 hours and never once did I look over my shoulder waiting for the beast to come after me. I was on my way home and came across a little old lady walking down the road. I stopped to walk with her for a while. Her name was Mal, and she seemed way too old to be out for a walk. I would guess her to be around seventy! She was on her way back from town too and she said she made the walk at least twice per week. I found out her husband passed away about ten years earlier and she never had any children. She has been living just outside of Crofting for her entire life. Says she never had the desire to leave and find bigger and better things. She likes the simple things in life. It was so nice to have someone to chat with, and she could carry on a really good conversation too. When we came to her house she invited me in for tea, but I declined saying I was tired and maybe some other day. She told me to stop by any day that I was free. I went on home and was feeling so good. I had the most pleasurable day in a very long time. I over slept the next morning, and the phone woke me up. “Hello” “Hi jen, this is Mal, how are you my dear? I was just wondering, you said yesterday that you went into town looking for work, and well, I have some work I need done around my house here and would love it if you would help me out. I will pay top dollar and include meals.” At first I was certain I must be dreaming. Why would this lady ask me to help her? Was she just lonely? I thought about it a moment and then told her yes, I would love to help her. We decided I would join her for dinner tonight and she would fill me in on what she wanted done and I could decide then. I was so excited! I would soon have a job and money coming in and Trina wouldn’t have to bring me groceries every week. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I danced around all day singing to myself Someone would think I was crazy if they were watching me. But I didn’t really care.I went to Mal’s house at six thirty and she was all dressed up. Her house was very small, only one bedroom and the living room and dining room were joined, but it was so beautiful. When I walked up the stairs I could see a warm glow in every window and when she opened the door I could smell homemade apple pie. I was taken back by the entire atmosphere. Here I was a young girl in her late twenties and living in someone’s cabin that I didn’t even know, and feeling sorry for myself, and yet here was this wonderful seventy year old lady preparing my dinner! Boy did I feel inadequate. Mal made sure I was comfortable, took my coat, got me a cold coke and we sat down to dinner. “I don’t want to waste any time, as time is precious these days” she laughed. You’ll understand in fifty years or so Jen!” I laughed with her and knew she was so right. She described what she wanted me to do, clean the windows, sweep and mop floors, dust, do laundry, and have at least one cup of tea with her on every visit. She was willing to pay me $300 per week and this would take about 15 hours per week! I thought she miss spoke herself and told her that was an awful lot to pay anyone to do so little. She replied that she was comfortable in her finances and that the time with another person around was priceless. This made me feel so sad for her I almost told her I would do it for free! So we decided I would come every day during the week for three hours and I would start tomorrow. Dinner was baked potato, broccoli and veal Parmesan. It was delicious too. I told her she would have to teach me how to cook and she said the apple pie I smelled would be the first thing she taught me to bake. I left around nine thirty and was in a great mood. I really would break away from the beast and have my own life. I had a friend and a job and what more could I ask for? The first week working for Mal was so wonderful, I actually worked about ten hours and we played the rest of the time, but she insisted on paying me the entire three hundred. I learned how to bake apple pie and apple crisp, and even how to roll the dough! I waited until Saturday to call Trina and tell her the good news. She was happy for me and said she would come visit next weekend. Her wedding was only 2 months away and I already had one of my goals met, now I just needed to find my own place to live. I would go into town Sunday and buy a paper. CHAPTER 21 I had been working for Mal for almost a month now and things were really going nicely. On Friday, I stayed later that usual because mal felt sick and I didn’t want to leave her. We were sitting on the sofa and watching the late news and she looked at me and said” My dear Jen, please take care of yourself, if you only remember one thing I have ever said or taught you let it be this: live your life for you, noone else. If you are happy then life is happy, but if you are unhappy, you won’t last long.” She fell asleep shortly after that and I left. I was walking home and a car coming down the road started to slow down, and I was afraid at first, but then I realized it was Paul. “Hey there stranger, what are you doing out walking this late at night?” he opened the door of his car. “I was at work, and am now on my way home.” I said. He offered a ride and I accepted it. When he dropped me off he asked if I would invite him in to have a drink and I told him I was tired and thanked him for the ride. He promised to call on me later and I just smiled. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk and really was tired. I went and took a shower and was just getting a book off the end table to read and noticed a message on the machine. I thought maybe Trina had called to give me an update on the wedding plans. The message gave me chills down my spine. ‘jen, it’s me, Martin I found you honey. You better not be out with a man! Damn you Jen pick up the phone. Ok, I am coming up there and when I get there you will be sorry for leaving me you bitch!” He was furious. I was panicking, not knowing what time he called and wishing to hell I would have invited Paul to come in after all. What should I do, if I stay here he’ll find me and kill me, if I try to leave where will I go and how? Just as I was beginning to shake and cry, the phone rang. It was Trina this time. She didn’t sound so good, “jen, I have bad news.” “I already know, he is on his way here and I don’t know what to do and he’s going to kill me.” I was screaming into the phone. No Jen he isn’t on his way to get you, he found your number in Terry’s purse, what? What was he doing with Terry? I told her not to go near him! I yelled. Yes, I know, and she knew too, he found her one night and then watched her for a few days. The police think he must have planned the whole thing. Jen, Terry is dead. And so is mom and dad, he did it, he killed them all and left a note for you. I couldn’t hear anything more, the phone fell and so did I. When I woke up Paul was sitting next to me on the couch. I thought I must have had a bad dream. I sat up and asked him if I was ok, did it really happen? He said yes and that Trina and Joel were on their way here to be with me and that the police would want to talk with me too. |
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