Love Conquers All

It was the year the White Sox won the World Series...not just won it, swept it. The only reason I know is because you never shut up about it. You were 15 and I was almost 19 that summer, but, in spite of that, we spent every waking moment together, laughing and talking and sharing all the memories that good friends do. Everybody said it was wrong...and had it been anyone else I would have agreed. But it was you...and I was falling...and falling fast...the night you called me crying.
I knew immediately that something was wrong. I barely recognized your voice, and in my head I went through all the people it could be playing a prank on me. You only said a few words here and there, and by the way you said, "It's nothing," when I asked what was wrong, I knew that it was something. I've never seen you cry...you did that night. I could tell by the deep breaths and the shaky voice and the sniffing that was coming from the other end of the line. So I made you tell me like you knew I would.
If you wanted comfort, I gave you the opposite...cause the moment you told me what was wrong, I knew what was right. And that night I turned and walked away, leaving you in pieces. But I knew beyond all doubt that it was the right thing to do. You always said I acted just like my hair color, that I was always confused. But for once that night, I wasn't confused. I only knew I had to get out, and get out fast, before it was way too late.
Everyone was talking. The gossip that spread like wild fire around an inner city college campus and around a little suburb of Chicago was incredible. I ignored everything. All I knew is that I had done what I had to do...walked out...and that I was never looking back. Oh, I'm not saying it wasn't hard. I'm not denying that I spent months of sleepless nights or that I spent the next mornings trying to cover my swollen eyes with makeup so no one would ask.
You thought I was gone forever. I knew because your brother made sure I knew. If I thought he watched me before, he was like a hawk now. I gave up being careful whom I hung out with...it wouldn't matter anyways, he would find a problem with it no matter what. But somehow I hung on.
Then I went to nursing school. I thought that would solve everything...and in a sense, it did. No Drew looking over my shoulder, dictating whom I hung out with and how much time I should spend hanging out with them. No reminder of you every time he walked through the door. I completely cut myself off from the world...but somewhere in the middle of biology and sociology classes...your face would always find its way into my mind...way more often than I would have summoned it there. I threw myself into work and studies, trying to drown out the pain emanating from a shattered heart.
I knew I was hurting you too…even still. You would send me these one-line emails that said, "hey just seeing what you're up to. If you can find time, write me back. K? P.S. I miss you." I always hated those emails. They made me feel so guilty. They made me seem like the bad guy. And more often than not I chose to hit the delete button and banish them to a remote computer recycling bin where I wouldn't be tempted to compromise what I knew was right. I learned to keep my cell on silent at night, so I could honestly tell you I didn't hear your call. You'd leave me a voice mail, but most of the time, I'd simply press 7 before I got anything else besides, "hey Allie. It’s Mark." Even that hurt.
I finished nursing school, aced my exams with flying colors…wishing I had passed life that easy. I got a job at one of the organization's hospitals and scheduled myself for up to 80 hours a week. That left me little time to think about you. And so it went.
It was almost three years before that I dared to set foot on my college campus again. By this time Drew had graduated and many of the people that would know anything of my freshman year disaster were gone. The first person I saw when I walked up that ramp, though, was Sam (short for Samantha—too much “girl” for her). She waved, and then slowed for me to catch up. I had just gotten off work and was still in my scrubs. She looked me up and down, thinking I'm sure what I disheveled mess I was. Self consciously, I smoothed back my hair. "Just get off work?" she asked. "Yeah," I mumbled. I should have put on lip-gloss, I thought to myself. We began to walk towards the cafeteria. "I haven't seen you in forever!" She looked at me. "I know, "I mumbled still. "I’ve been...uh...busy. I'm doing 80 hours at the hospital." "Wow," she said, but she didn't look surprised.
We ate lunch together. It was awkward and she seemed a little antsy, so I was shocked when she invited me up to her room after supper. I agreed, more out of politeness than of anything else. I should have expected, I guess, that the first thing I would see when I walked into room was a picture of you and her.... a very recent picture. I stopped and stared, feeling the breath get trapped in my throat. The room spun around me, and I thought for sure I would faint right there on your sister's dorm room floor. I must have swayed because Sam reached out and place a hand on my arm. "He's really grown up, hasn't he? "I heard her say through the fogginess of my mind. I managed a nod, swallowing hard around the lump lodged in my throat.
You were even more good looking than before, as if that was possible...taller, darker. Braces gone, your teeth were perfectly straight and white. You were actually smiling. I stared at you with your arm around her…and I could almost feel it around me, as it had been years before. I blinked quickly to dispel the nostalgic tears and forced myself to turn my eyes away.
Sam was staring at me, but I couldn't quite read whether it was annoyance or pity reflecting in her eyes. She flopped down on the bed. "You ever talk to him anymore?" I shook my head. "Not really. I've been so busy. "Sam nodded. "Uh huh. I understand you know." My eyes met hers. And that's how it started.
The next thing I knew the digital numbers on her alarm clock were glowing a red 4:30...in the morning. We both sat cross legged on the bed, a whole pile of wadded up tissue between us and a whole stack of photo albums discarded on the floor. "Well I guess that's that." I stated. "What?" Sam gave me a quizzical glance. "He's grown up and had a good life, so it all worked out." I said it as matter-of-factly as I could manage. Sam just stared at me for a long while, then she said softly, so softly that if I hadn't been watching her lips, I would have never known she said it." He misses you." I didn't say anything for a while. It was hard to process that thought. "How do you know that?" I finally asked, "You just said yourself that he's quite the "thing" anymore-- good looking, athletic ability, nice car, more girls than he knows what to do with. So why would I even be in that equation?" Sam sighed, "Look, when you're as close to Mark as I am, there's some things you just know. Oh he's got it going all right, but somewhere in all that mess, he's never forgotten about you." Silence reigned again for a few moments. Then I said, "Well that's all sounds great, but I'm not sure even you can say that for sure." Sam shrugged. "Think what you want. But I know my brother." We both sat and stared. Her at me, me at the picture of you. "Look, if you don't believe me, go find out for yourself." I looked back at her, "you mean call him?" "No," she replied, "I mean go see him…at his high school graduation."
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As I pulled my red Mustang into the furthest parking spot from the door of Lincolnshire High, feeling very much like my old best friend, who’d always do that with his baby blue Sting Ray, I began to wonder how I ever let your sister talk me into doing this. I knew and you knew too that it was over, had been for a long time. I mean, we barely even talk anymore, how could you, with all your good looks and all your women, still ever have time to think about me? I sighed, as I checked my reflection in the mirror and applied lip-gloss. But here I was—as a friend of course. Yeah right, a friend who left work after a 10-hour shift and drove four and a half hours just to be at your high school graduation. I looked down at my clothes. Yeah right, a friend who went out and spent 150 bucks on an outfit to wear to that graduation. I 'm so hopeless sometimes.
I climbed out of the car, hit the power locks, and started my trek across the parking lot. Sam met me halfway. Stylish and cute as always, she smiled at me. "I see you found it ok." "Yes, " I fell into step beside her. "I used your curling iron. Hope that was ok." She nodded. "Yeah, that's fine. That's why I left it out." We entered the large auditorium, and the roar of the crowd surprised me. I looked at all the people in the theater style seats and felt a tightening in my stomach. Why? WHY had I ever let Sam talk me into doing this? Sam scanned the crowd and spotted your family about halfway to the stage in the side section. "Come on," she spoke over her shoulder to me and began to lead the way in their direction. My heart rate quickened. I didn't know I would be sitting with your family. Ok, Allison, who DID you think you would be sitting with, I thought to myself. Your family greeted me and I even got a hug from Drew and Zack, who I eventually ended up sitting between…at least that seemed normal.
The ceremony started less than two minutes later. They played that song that always makes me cry as a see of green moved down the aisle. There were over 500 kids graduating that day, so it took forever to spot you among the throng. But when I did, it was your eyes that I saw first. I saw first the shock, then the confusion, register in your eyes as you looked at me. That moment seemed to last for eternity. I smiled, and you moved past. My heart was hammering the inside of my rib cage in a steady cadence. Drew elbowed me.” Did you see him?" "Duh!" I snapped. Drew just smiled.
The ceremony lasted forever and there were so many graduates I couldn't even see you during most of it, but when they called your name, Mark Andrew Taylor, and you walked across the stage to accept your diploma, I could have sworn you were looking right at me. When it was over I found myself following Drew and Sam as they elbowed their way through the crowd to get to you. I looked down at my hand to find that I was shaking. This would be the first time I had seen you in close to three years, and considering that you were once my best friend, and now we hadn’t talked in over three years, it could be quite awkward. I looked up to find that the crowd had parted and that you were standing less than three feet in front of me. My eyes met yours. My heart stopped. And the next thing I felt were your arms around me. I felt the tears coming and I buried my face against your chest. You just held me for what seemed like a very long time, and then you pulled back and looked down at me. "Allie. How in the world?" I managed to smile in spite of the tears and the nervousness and the breathlessness. "What do you mean 'how in the world'?" You laughed and shook your head, "Blondes."
"Mark," Sam came up beside you. "Are you taking Allie back to the house with you?" "I'm going back to the house?” I asked incredulously. Sam wrinkled her forehead. "Um...yeah." She laughed. "Of course, what'd you think?" You laughed. "Blondes." you whispered again just loud enough for me to hear. I punched you. "Hush." Sam cleared her throat, "Well, if you're taking her, then we're going to go ahead and go back to get ready for the party. Just make sure you make it to the party sometime tonight, Mark." She rolled her eyes, then turned and walked away.
I stood, staring after her, smiling dumbly, lost in thought. Your voice brought me back to reality "You ready to go?" You smiled. "Yeah, I guess so." You reached down and took my hand and squeezed it. "Come on then."

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I was shivering as we walked across the parking lot even though it was probably 75 degrees out. Great, probably shouldn't have worn short sleeves. Smart one, Allie. I always talk to myself when I'm nervous. Neither of us said a word, and I wondered if maybe you were just as nervous as I was. I glanced at you out of the corner of my eye. Wow. You had grown up. I could see it even in the way you walked.
When I saw your car, my mouth dropped. "This is your car?" Yeah," you laughed, " what'd you think I'd be driving, a Geo Metro?" I stared at the black Mustang GT, realizing that your dreams had come true. Man, I wish mine had.
I pushed that thought aside as you unlocked my door and I got in and you went around to your side. You didn't speak until we pulled out of the parking lot onto the main road. I watched as you messed with the air conditioner and your CDs. This is was all de ja vou…just in reverse.The song that blasted from your stereo system made me laugh. “Is that song STILL stuck in your head?” We used to listen to it all the time. You laughed. “Just can’t get away from it…Miss Independent!”
I was watching the scenery fly past, drinking it all in, when I felt your hand brush mine. I looked down. You opened your hand, palm up. I reached out, slowly, my hand trembling and laced my fingers with yours. For a while, all I could do was stare at our interlocked hands and I couldn't help but wonder if this was right. Last time a weekend started out like this.... well, let's just say it ended up a major disaster.... and I lost you. I couldn't bear to go through that a second time. Just friends, Allie, I reminded myself. Just one weekend and it will all be over and you can go back to your condo and your job and your single life in Louisville...and he will go on with his life here. One weekend is all it is.
I looked up to find you half watching me. You inhaled deeply, so I just waited. "So...um...I don't mean this like it sounds...but...what are you doing here?" I hated the nervous laugh I responded with. "Well," I took a deep breath, "Your sister invited me." You looked me straight in the eye with a look that said, 'I know you better than that', "Is that all?" "Um..." I fidgeted nervously. "You're shaking," you squeezed my fingers gently. "It's ok, you know, you can tell me." I watched the passing cars and houses. "Well...um…I guess I came to see you." I exhaled quickly. There, I'd said it. You smiled and nodded.
I noticed you were turning off the road into a little gravel pull off. You must have seen the confusion written on my face because you squeezed my hand again and told me it was gonna be okay. You turned off the car, got out, and came around to my side. I obediently followed your lead, and we stood there by the car, just looking at each other, for a long while. The next thing I knew you had leaned until our faces were just mere inches apart. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears in a deafening roar. I inhaled deeply of the familiar scent of you. You took both of my hands in yours. "I've missed you." I could only nod around the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes. You let go of my hands and placed your hands on my hips, drawing me close to you. I could feel the warmth of your body, but I shivered in spite of it. I knew what was going to happen...and I wanted it.
You tilted your head and your lips closed over mine, warm, sweet, and insistent. I had always wondered what it would be like to kiss you. Ah, but it was nothing like I could have ever imagined. The taste of your lips, the warmth of your hands. I could feel the tears flowing freely down my cheeks, but I couldn't have stopped them if I had wanted to. All I wanted was to concentrate on the feel of your lips, your hands, and your skin…you...all you…and I wanted nothing else to interfere.
I don't know how long we stood there like that... the cool metal of your car behind me and the cars flying past on the highway behind you, the setting sun bathing everything in a golden glow...but for once, I wasn't "paranoid." And when you pulled back, still holding me in your arms, I wasn't afraid. "I love you, Allie." More tears, but I smiled. "I love you too.”
Maybe love does “conquer all.”