Just a Little Note To Say...

To everyone who ever cared about me:

I'm leaving now--getting on a plane or train or automobile to start a new life. A part of me, an arrogant egocentric part of me hopes you all shed a tear at my departure, but I know that's probably not the case.

The world has been cruel to me, and often I sat alone in reflection, pondering WHY. Is it because of me? Is it because I have been cruel to the world? So many people have hurt me, but it's really not their fault. I am overly emotional, perhaps too caught up in my own feelings to realize that part of life is making decisions that are sure to inadvertently hurt others.

To the one I love:

I'm sorry that I could never be the man you were always dreaming about. I'm sorry the world never stopped turning long enough for me to realize what had fallen into my lap. I'm sorry that I made your mother cry.

Sometimes I dream about time travel. I know it's possible. Time is an illusion, and one must only find a way to communicate with his past self. If I were somehow able to tell myself twenty years ago to make some serious changes, I wouldn't be writing this little note today. All I need to do is remember before it happened...and I know the me one year down the road is trying unsuccessfully to communicate with the me today, the me right now.

And God, what are you doing right now? Do you want me to apologize? Or is it YOU who is trying to apologize to ME, trying to somehow break the dimensions of time and space to deliver a desperate message to one of his lost sheep?

I'm sorry, God. I'm sorry, in case you were wondering.

My parents love me, and for that I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. Me, the underachiever. Me, the epitome of no ambition. Me, the overwhelming failure. Even now I glance back over the body of this little note and see too many "Me's" and "I's". I'm arrogant and selfish, even in my apologetic little moment.

I'm taking a trip to forget about the man I am. I need to start a new life, far away from anyone with whom I share a bad memory. It's nothing personal, really; people are always forced to make decisions that inadvertently hurt others.

Hopefully you all realize the implications of my untimely departure from the world in which you so comfortably reside. Maybe someday we will meet again, in some faraway land where the sun shines eighteen hours a day and you live in a thatched hut on the side of a green mountain. Maybe someday we'll meet and have a big long laugh at the way our lives used to be.

I'm sorry, everyone...but this is for the best. Someday you'll see.

With love and regret,
The Man You Never Really Knew

P.S.
The world will never stop turning. Pause, even for a moment, and you will miss out on everything you have been waiting for. Live for today, live for the moment, and maybe you will avoid the regret of inaction. The grass is always greener...