Lost love

The first day of school I walked in,
still a nervous little girl with all upperclassmen.
You turned around,
flashed me a smile,
and caught my eye,
and I knew that
I would love you.
We sat there and talked for so many days.
Ignoring the teacher and
following our own ways.
I loved you even then and I love you now,
even though you have taken me and pushed me down.

I thought that you loved me, when you
invited me to that party,
the party that would change me forever.

I sat there with you
being a Barbie doll,
just nodding and smiling, not worried at all.
I took a swig of some strange drink,
and then I simply ceased to think.

I remember you, and staring into your face,
and feeling your soft hands running up and down my length.
Then I was sure that you loved me and would never let go,
that we would be together forever more.

I didn't know how little you cared for me;
how you thought I was simply naive.

The next day, I heard how you had asked out another girl,
not me.
I thought I heard wrong, I thought that there was a mistake,
my heart was broken and you said there was nothing there to break.

You never called, you never cared, and you never even asked if I was ok.
I wasn't all right, and now look at me.
Guess what? I am having a baby.
Yes, a baby that’s yours
and I am only 14.

I haven't been to college
look at all my unfinished dreams.

You and all of your schemes.

How many other girls are there out there just like me?
Seeking a way out, and not finding one.
Not wanting to die, but there's no other way.
I am leaving this world now, my baby and me,
this world that has turned its back on us.
Will he feel any pain?
Will he know it’s the end?
I watch the blood run freely down my arm, while I ponder these questions
with no answer.

I wonder if you’ll know why.
Why I did what I did. Will you even cry?
Will you miss me and wonder how you didn’t see?

I feel like the pen weighs a thousand pounds
as I say goodnight
to this life.