Friends and lovers

Life and love are two things that have never been easy for me. I have always gotten the bad end of it all and now has been no exception. I always felt like I was left holding the bag when it came to life. It just seemed that I never got what other people had, stability and a good man in my bed. I never got what I wanted, and that was the hard part when I wanted it all so badly.

Bad relationships are something that always find me. I could find a bum within twenty miles. I've only had one great exception and he became my best friend. Chris was the only reason that I kept going when it came to men. It just hadn't dawned on me that what I had been searching for had been right in front on me the whole time.

I grew up with Chris. He was the one constant part of my life. I loved him like a brother, but our friendship was more than that. He kept me safe from the world when I was with him, and something didn't seem quite right when he was gone. The sun in my eyes rose and set on him. He was very special to me. I guess I didn't realize how special until now.

I'd been with my last boyfriend Shawn for a little over three years and made the mistake of believing that he would be a permanent fixture. I was the dumb one left with a very badly broken heart when he left me. I was so in love with him and now it hurt too much to function.

Slowly, I retreated into the cocoon of my own depression, and time passed me by. I didn't think that anyone cared about me anymore. Days slowed crawled into weeks and I really didn't care. I just sat in my house on my big navy sofa, waiting for something to happen. The high pitched tone of my phone ringing sounded like music to my ears.Somehow, I knew who it would be.

"What are you doing?" Chris's velvety voice echoed in the emptiness within me. My hand tightened around the reciever.

"Moping." I pulled a blanket over me as I laid down on the couch. Chris always had a way of knowing what was going on.

"You know he isn't worth your time."

"That's something a big brother would say." I couldn't help but smile as I heard his warm breath in my ear. Its sweet sound was music to my heart.

"I know, but he's not good enough for you. He never was."

"But would you think anyone was?" I grabbed a pillow and hugged it until it was flattened against me.

"When are you gonna come see me?" It was clear that he was attempting to change the subject.

"You really want me to come see you?" I sat up, still holding on to the pillow.

"Yes! Come here and let me take care of you." His words seemed almost urgent.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, feeling his presence all around me. "How did you know I needed you?"

"I've always known it. All you have to do is come and every wish will be granted." Chris's words seem to fill the emptiness. The echo didn't sound so hollow.

"How long will you have me?" Gently, I brushed a stray tear from my cheek.

"As long as you need me."

"I'll always need you." I snatched a picture of him from the table and stared at his handsome face. "It feels like something is missing when you aren't around."

"I know." His voice seemed to shake as he chose his words. "It's the same here."

"Well, I can be there tonight in about an hour?"

"All I have to say is what took you so long?" His warm laughter filled my ears. "Just get your ass over here."

"I'll be there shortly." My body shook as I stood. Relief coursed through my veins.

"I'll be waiting by the door," as he always had before.

"I'll see you soon love." I smiled for the first time in a long while.

"See you soon doll."

"Bye."

"Bye." I hung up the reciever and sat back down trying to catch my breath. Why was I acting like this? I was going to see my best friend, and my heart seemed to race. What the hell is going on with me?

Like an anxious child, I picked up some clothing and other things that I thought I'd need and threw them into my backpack. I couldn't move fast enough. I moved like I was on a mission that I had no choice but finish. With the wind behind me, I ran to my car and took off into the night.

As my foot hit the gas my mind raced with anticipation. My body seemed to be out of my own control, and I didn't understand what was going on. The world around me disappeared as I developed tunnel vision. I just had to get there, and I didn't know why. It was the million dollar question that I was longing to answer.

It had been about three months since I had seen him last. Chris had moved further away for a new job.