Unreached Perfection

I sit here writing again
to people I despise most
I sit here writing with uneasiness
Of my writings not to boast
These people I look at with shame
Harboring feelings-hate and disgust
Wondering what I've become
These people I'm supposed to love and trust
I've changed because of you
A mess of self doubt and insecurity
So tired of your double standards
Runining my image of cleanliness and purity
They expect me to be a child
Never grow up and mature
To remain withing thier control
So careful as to lure
To make me believe I'm better of not knowing
Or that they love and want to protect
Or maybe they hate to see another failure
and hate that I won't be what they expect
Adding another rung
on this ladder of expectations
I fall and fail, myself denied
waiting for the repurcussions
For I know I will never be enough
Always a little below and out of time
For PERFECT is never attainable
and yet this ladder still I climb...