Journey

Three O’clock in the morning, and I’m in the Bus Terminal waiting for the first trip to the big city. I think it must be a little bit cold because I see others wearing their sweaters. But at this moment, I can’t feel it. My mind is filled with doubts, fears, confusions and excitement. I don’t know if this is right for me, but it’s the only thing, I can think of. The hell I care, what ahead of me.

As the bus has arrived, I immediately jump in, and choose my favorite seat near in the window. My thoughts drift at home as the bus moving. And hoping that by the time my parents wake up. It would be late for them to catch up the last bus. Well that if they care enough to look for me. I love my family, once we were happy, but certain events happened, that changed everything. I came to the point where I can no longer bear the pain and the blame. God knows I didn’t want it to happen. I really hate thinking about it, because it would bring back my tears.

And here I go again.

”Oh! Dear are you okay? Here you need this”. Said an old woman who sat beside me, handed me her handkerchief.
“Thank You”. I falter reply.”
“Your welcome dear, what happen to you?”
I try to control myself not to burst in tears with stranger and try to divert my thoughts.
“ I’m okay thanks”. I smiled wryly.

What happened,happened for a reason. It started when my oldest brother died. He drowned while were having a beach party. My mother was busy with her friends as was my father. Until they found out that my brother was gone. I was seven years old, and that was long time ago. And since then, everything changed.

I started living a sheltered life, from free to bound. Both of my parents became very protective to us. We aren’t allowed to attend any parties or visit a friend’s house unless they were with us. And its not that easy, I lost the communication and missed the fun that I used to have with my friends. My sister and me were struggling from the loneliness, boredom, and difficult changes that takes place, such as my parents were not as close as they had been before. I could feel the space growing between them. Our home that once was filled with laughter now was once into deep silence. Mother used to remind me to look after my sister. And after school we went straight home and vice versa. Year after year, little by little, our lives returned to where it used to be; like we go to church every Sunday and watching movies. The closeness of our family returned. Though, still my mother was too over protective to us. Until in High school, one evening brought back the past, making it much worse than it had ever been before. The longest night I ever had, that kept haunting me.

After few hours the bus has stopped.

” Its time for our lunch, you better gets outside!” The conductor loudly announced.
And I feel the numbness of my buttocks. And, I really need to stretch for a while. I didn’t mean to wake her, but I accidentally banged my left arm against her shoulder.
” I’m sorry grandma”. “Its okay dear, and what time is it?” She ask while stretching her arms.
” Its already twelve thirty, lunch time…Do you want to eat?” I ask. “Yes, sure dear. Can you help me up?”
“Yeah, its okay”. And help her out from the bus.

She ordered fresh vegetables salad with mango juice. And I take pork chop with rice and soft drink. After little chat, and I see her plate empty, and I ask her, if we could go back.
“Dear you didn’t eaten half of your food”, She wonder.
“I am not hungry grand ma”.
“Yes you are, what’s bothering you? “She asked worriedly. I am surprised by her perceptiveness.
“No…thing”. I said and look down.
“Its okay dear, if you don’t want to talk about it. But you must eat your food, and don’t worry your still, sexier than me”. She grin…that give me an appetite, and I smile.

After we had our lunch we immediately went back to the Bus.

” Dear do you mind if we change seat?”
“Not at all, but why if I may ask?”
“I’m closer to my hometown, and I’m afraid that the driver might forget to drop me”.
“Oh, yeah that’s good”.

Then we exchange seat. And as I look down I notice that we have exactly the same color of bag, it differ in sizes, so I exchange the position of the bag as well. I watch her out of the window deep in her thought. She’s very friendly and kind though she looks older than her age. Perhaps because of her heavy frame and her poor health.

And I hear some noise that wakes me. I notice the bus had stopped. It’s already dark; as I look at my wristwatch it reads past eight o’clock. I turn beside the old woman, was gone. I am shocked that she mistakenly taken my bag. I am terribly worried, because the address of my friend is in there, as well as some of my money.

”Oh! My God where am I going now…?”

Then I found myself opening her bag. It’s merely clothes, shoes and…a letter. And I was not mistaken, when I asked the conductor he said they had passed the place three hours ago. And he recalled the old woman getting of. And he advised me to take the ride tomorrow morning, since it won’t be safe to travel in the middle of the night by myself. So I had to continue on to my destination, hours away still.

The morning has come; I take another Bus back to the old woman’s place. After few hours of travel, I arrived at the town, and since its getting dark, I didn’t waste any single moment, and find her. But it seemed, I’m asking the wrong person, that later on makes me confused and I don’t know whom to follow. Still, I keep on walking, I saw I small chapel and decide to enter. I believe in HIM before, but it had changed by certain event. One evening while I was in my room, my sister asked my permission to attend her friend’s birthday party, and to help her out from the house. I refused to, but she keeps on begging me, until I give in…for once. I thought on giving my sister a chance to enjoy her life, the one that I wish I could have. So I remind her to go home before midnight, I waited for her, until it’s already one o’clock, two o’clock, and three o’clock and yet, she’s not around. I am terribly worried; I heard the phone rings, my mom answered before me. I heard it from Hospital, and when they mentioned my sister’s name, my heart beat so fast, my mind stopped and felt shudder.

We hurriedly went to the Hospital. We found out that they had met an accident, their car collide with the bus. There were three of them, two didn’t survived, and one that was left under observation. I am hoping it was my sister, but I was wrong. From a distant I saw her body covered with blood lying motionless, my tears were falling down, mom, was screaming, crying, while my father embracing her so hard. I sat in a corner, crying so hard I can hardly breath.
“God this can’t be happen, please wake me up, it’s just a nightmare…”I kept telling myself.

After what happened, everything was different. Every single day, mom blames me for that accident. She’s moody and distant to me. We rarely talked and everyday were stereotype. I done every possible way I knew to ask forgiveness, still, she ignored me. My father the one I can turn to, however, he consume most of his time on worked. Many nights I had cried, and blame myself, and blame HIM for allowing it to happen to us. He knew how much I care and love my sister, but why did it happened?

Despite of it, I am glad to have a one good friend; she’s my best friend when I was in Elementary. She even visits and attends my sister’s funeral, two years ago. She was living in the city with her family and she is unaware of my coming.

Now I’m here confused and hopeless. Don’t know which way to go. Here facing with his image, asking his help, if he cares for me. And I went out from the chapel.

I didn’t give up, I pass by several houses, and suddenly I saw a house that caught my attention. The gate was printed with a family name that is familiar to me. As I step closer, and the dogs inside keeps on barking. I heard a voice calling the dog. And I am surprised to see…it’s my friend.
” Lisa is that you”? I asked.
“Yes, and who…oh my friend, how are you? Come in here” She said and opens the gate.
“I am fine thanks, I am sorry to surprise you”.
It’s okay, I’m glad that you’re here, and anyway how did you find our new home? I’m sorry I forget to mention it to you”.
“It’s aright, never mind”.
When we get inside, I saw the old woman that I am looking; she’s sleeping in the sofa.
“By the way she’s my grandmother, she arrived yesterday”.
“Oh, wow!” I said with amazement. And tell her everything that happened.

This time, as I lay down on the bed, I feel something different deep inside, I can breathe better than before, and from now on, I will try to look forward in a brighter way, and then I start my Journey.