How I became an only child...

My parents and I got a call from my older brother, Brody’s1, girlfriend Amber. Brody was a Marine and currently stationed in southern California. Hysterically she relayed that she was on the phone with him as he paced the rooftop of a hotel in Los Angeles.
“I’ve never heard him talk like this before!” Amber cried, “I’m trying to convince him to give me the name of the hotel!”
She finally got him to say the hotel’s name and then the chaos began.
My dad, on the house phone, tried calling Brody’s Marine sergeant. My mom, on her cell phone, tried to call 911, only to find out that a caller has to physically be in a state to use their emergency service. Suddenly Dad remembered someone who lived near L.A. that he could contact, to call 911 for us. Then Dad called the hotel.
“My son is on your hotel roof and he’s planning to jump!” he yelled into the phone.
Even as he spoke the police were rushing in the front door of the hotel. They found Brody on the roof, acting as if it was just a nice day for a rooftop stroll.
The Marine sergeant picked up Brody and admitted him to the psychiatric hospital on base. My parents took the first flight to L.A. to visit him. They tried to get him to talk about what he was feeling.
“I’m just not the same any more. I haven’t accomplished anything. I have nothing left to live for,” Brody admitted.
His psychiatrist felt that with time, medication, and counseling, Brody would heal. So, Brody signed the release forms and returned to base.
The next Sabbath morning, two Marines from a local office showed up on our front porch, their hats off. They informed us that he had gone back to the same hotel. This time Brody didn’t call anyone; he jumped, making me an only child.
After the Marines left, all I could think about was Brody’s and my last phone conversation a week before.
“So, are you coming home for Thanksgiving?” I asked, hoping he’d say yes.
“I’m not thinking that far ahead,” he replied, barely audible.
“I love you, and I miss you.”
“You too,” he whispered.
My heart sank as I fought not to cry into the phone. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Somehow I knew it would be the last time I ever talked to him.
Reality Check

Suicide can affect you. It is the second leading cause of death among young people ages 15 to 19 years. Every day 14 teenagers commit suicide, or approximately 1 every 100 minutes.2
There are so many suicidal signs that I didn’t notice that people need to pay attention to in loved ones, and even themselves.
Has there been a change in appetite? Brody lost some weight in a short time period. Do you know anyone who has suddenly gained or lost weight?
Have there been lifestyle changes? Brody broke up with his girlfriend suddenly and joined the Marines. Have you recognized extreme changes in someone’s behaviors and lifestyle?
Has a family member or friend recently passed away? The recent loss of our grandpa the year earlier had been extremely hard for Brody. Do you know someone who has recently lost a loved one?
Is depression in the family history? Both sides of my family include members that have been diagnosed with depression. Are you aware of anyone who has problems with depression?
Have you noticed any impulsive behavior? Within a year’s time Brody had acquired quite a few expensive items. The last six months before he died, he sold everything he had except the basics. Do you have a loved one who’s making rash decisions?
Has there been any extreme isolation? Brody dropped his good friends and never really talked with anyone about his problems. Do you have any friends that have suddenly disappeared?
Have you had any goodbye conversations? Brody and I exchanged letters while he was on base. In them he started giving me advice on life, highlighting all the things he wished he’d accomplished. Have you listened to a loved one talk or hint about suicide?
If you recognize any of these signs in someone’s behavior, please let them know you care by listening or praying with them. Then encourage them to get help. You may even need to tell a trusted adult to get help for your suicidal friend or family member. If you are experiencing these symptoms yourself, talk to someone. If you feel that you need to take further action, call a suicide hotline such as 1-800-SUICIDE.3
Coping
After Brody died, I dealt with terrifying suicidal thoughts myself. I had strong urges that I had to fight, both mentally and physically. I fantasized my possible death scenarios. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I had always been certain that I would never commit suicide.
But pain overwhelmed me. I couldn’t see through the fogs of my mind. I kept thinking it would be so much easier to give up than to have to deal with the extreme torrents of pain. I finally approached my parents and told them about the struggles I was experiencing. They convinced me to see a psychiatrist.
After a few weeks of taking an anti-depressant, I stopped having the suicidal thoughts. But then I started questioning God. Why, when I needed a miracle the most, did He step back?
My heart ached. There was a huge black void that nothing would fill, and I felt like I couldn’t go on. I went on an early morning drive, trying to get through another sleepless night. After an hour of driving and contemplating everything, I gave up.
But I gave up to God. I told Him that I just couldn’t live on. I couldn’t think about anything but my brother’s death. At my darkest moment, I finally listened to what He had to say.
He impressed me that Brody made his own choice. The power of choice that we have is a blessing and a curse. We can make our own decisions, regardless of the consequences. Sometimes people are blinded by depression and are incapable of making rational decisions. I don’t know what was going through Brody’s mind, and why he felt that suicide was his only option, but God knew his heart.
As much pain as I felt, God felt it times infinity, not only for my brother, but also for all humanity. When Jesus died on the cross for our sins, He felt the torture of it for all time—past, present and future—all at once. God understood just exactly how I felt, and He mourned with me. I think that’s what the Bible means when it says, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
The sun rose that morning, along with my spirit. God lifted part of my burden so that I could face another day. He showed me an awesome sunrise, pointing out the beauty that still exists in the world, despite all of its tragedies. And He reminded me that He has already prepared a perfect place for us in heaven, free from sin and death. I wept again, but out of happiness.
I believe I will see Brody again, because Jesus died for him and for his sins. I will once again have a whole family when Jesus comes, and that is what I live for.