My Dream to Become an Author

By Chon Love

The purpose of this essay is to communicate my dream of becoming an author. In addition, I will be describing the process I am going through to make this happen. Finally, I will try to illustrate how I will know when I have made this dream become a reality.

When I took the plunge into writing, it was just to pass the time. I had no companions or relatives and I had an abundance of time on my hands. After a while, I decided to write about a subject instead of just doing free writing where I would just write about whatever popped into my mind. I began to think about some categories that I found interesting. I attempted to write about candles; not just the candle itself but the flame of the candle and what it represents to people of assorted faith groups. But, I did not know how to do this kind of writing at that time so I was not able to get too far with writing about the subject I had chosen.

I found that picking up pen and paper, and writing about problems I was having gave me a therapeutic outlet for my emotions. However, I could not share this writing with anyone because it would put me in a vulnerable position and because I did not want people to see the inner me at that time in my life. At other times, I would write about the intense dislike there was in the world. I began to think that maybe I would like to develop into a writer. However, I was unsure if I could make this a part of my life scheme because I did not know the finer elements of writing.

I went back to school so I could start work on establishing myself in the role of an author. I have been learning the long-established details of writing. This means that I am learning about spelling, grammar, how to create sentences, and the writing process itself. Yes, this even means how to put words together so they say what I want them to say while putting words in a way that are distinctly my own. It has been a tough road that I have been traveling down; it has been overflowing with rocks of all dimensions but all this hard work seems to be paying off because the public is reading what I am writing. For example, I have won a mainstream writing contest and they have published my story. They are willing to venture out and publish my story, which was about me being “Gay Bashed”. This in itself has given me a bit more self-confidence and a modest push to persist in my writing.

One day I posted one of my stories on the computer with a writing group of which I am part. A couple of days later, I got a response from someone in the group saying that he had been in a similar kind of incident. In his letter this individual said that my story made him cry. This was the moment that my way of thinking changed from someone that just writes to being a writer. Then the person went on to say “This was the first time I had shown any kind of real emotion over the bashing.” This told me that I have a true gift for using words in a straightforward way, about things that I have been through; it is also allowing people of my community to know that they are not the only ones that have had to put up with hate, violence and homophobia. This gift gives me a chance to give something of myself to the world. At the same time, the world is telling me that this gift is of value.

I want to be an author because I have been given the gift of words and I need to use this gift, to the best of my ability, to make the world a little better. I feel that I must use my writing to enlighten the public with regard to how we as a culture are varied in the way that we live our lives, the way we love and even the way we think. I hope this will let people treat each other with a bit more respect because they have this knowledge. Consequently, there ought to be less hate in the world. I have had to deal with some hard episodes in my life as a way of learning about the world. I will use these times in my writing so others may learn also. I will start to think of myself as an author when I have written a book and have it published. After one copy has finally been sold in a book store and someone tells me they were able to relate to the pages I have filled with my words, then and, only then, will I consider myself an author.

In the beginning, I wrote for myself as a way of dealing with my feelings but as time went on, there developed some kind of process to my writing even if it was just for the purpose of doing some formal type of writing. Nevertheless, at this stage of my writing life, I have found that when I put pen to paper and create words, people find value in them. This has given me renewed energy to keep on with my dream of becoming an author one day. The two people who truly have helped me to gain more confidence in my writing are Lurana and Joe-anne and when I achieve my dream of being an author it will be because they have cared enough to give me some direction and even at times a kick in the ass when I needed one. Just like all authors, I cannot wait till I have one book under my belt and have people understand what I have written. I truly believe that one day this trainee author with all the learning, working my ass off and dreaming will all work out in its own time; in the meantime, I need to be patient with the author within because it still has a lot of growing before it can blossom.