All at once

"Mom, you were drunk in front of my boyfriend." said 15 year old Jaimie Mcaslin.

"So what, you don't ever help me out around here, so i can drink if I want." said Mrs Mcaslin. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Mrs. Mcaslin picked up an empty bottle and hurled is at Jaimie, missing her by inches.

"MOM! PLEASE! screamed Jaimie as she ran into the bathroom locking the door behind her. As she looked around the room, she noticed her razor laying by the sink. She picked it up, held it in her unsteady hand for a minute, then slowly slid the knife down her arm. Not big enough to get stitches, just enough to bleed. "It didn't hurt," Jaimie thought to herself as she cleaned up. Afterwards she unlocked the door and put the razor in her bag.

(one month later)

Jaimie walked down the hall, trying to ignore the snickers and comments of "hey there goes the goth," or "look at the punk, she's gonna kill someone with those chains" She had always gotton angry at their comments before, but now they didn't seem to bother her. As she walked down the hallway completely numb she saw him. He was wearing a faded Rise Against hoodie, and had brown hair, but you couldn't see it because he had a beanie on. They locked eyes for a moment, Jaimie couldn't stop staring at him but oddly, he stared back in the same way. Then she remembered that he would never like anyone like her, not with her problems.

Later on in math class, Jaimie was staring at the big fat F on her test. It's not like I am going to do anything important anyways, she thought to herself. The bell rang and she bent down to get her things when she saw his shoes. She stayed like that for awhile, hoping that the feet would just go away, but they didn't. She looked up.

"Hi, I'm Matt. I'm new here, and you look like just the person to ask where the bathrooms are." he said, looking straight into her eyes.

"I'm err..Jaimie, the bathrooms are down to the right. N-Nice to meet you." she said, trying to stare back. "I gotta go. " Jamie turned on her heel and headed straight towards the bathrooms. that was so stupid...she thought to herself as she flung open the bathroom door. She pulled out her bag and opened up the pocket with the razor in it, then slowly dragged it across her arm. The wonderfully familiar feeling of relief flooded all over her. Suddenly the door opened. Jaimie gasped and tried to hide the razor, but it was too late. There, standing by the door, was Jennifer, Jaimie's worst enemy. Jennifer hated Jaimie from the start, just because of the way she dressed and acted. Jennifer, being head of the cheerleading squad, didn't like outcasts. Jaimie hated Jennifer because of the way she treated others.

"Whats going on? Oh my god, your ble-"stammered Jennifer, and for the first time in her life, she looked confused.

"Nothing. I slipped and hit my arm on something..." with that, Jaimie grabbed her bag and ran.

She ran as fast as she could. All she wanted to do was run away. Tears blurred her vision, and she ran out the school doors. She couldn't see where she was going, and hit someone. Hard. So hard that she fell back and hit the ground.

"Holy crap, are you ok?" The voice sounded familiar. Jaimie looked up and saw Matt.

"I'm-" Jaimie started. "No, you arn't are you?" Matt said before she could respond. "Come with me." he picked her up in his arms. Jaimie was so upset that she was shaking. Matt's warm embrace comforted her. She felt him set her down gently on the ground about 3 minutes later. Jaimie opened her eyes. They were out by the parking lot.

"So what happened?" Matt asked. Jaimie looked down and thought for a minute.

"I-I had a bad day. I'm really sorry I ran into you." said Jamie, wiping the tears from her face.

"That can't be it, seriously, whats wrong?" asked Matt again.

"Look, nothing's wrong with me. I really don't want to talk about it. Oh, shit. I need to go clean up. I'll see you tomorrow." Jamie knew she was going to lose it again. She turned and started on her way home.

As soon as she got home, Jamie went into her bedroom and collapsed on her bed. Before she knew it, sleep overtook her.

Jamie woke up to silence the next morning. This is odd..Jaimie thought to herself as she got dressed. Usually her mother was yelling drunken slurs at the T.V. "Mom?" Jaimie called. Where is she? Jaimie thought. She looked in her mother's room, but she wasn't there. Anxiety was growing in the pit of her stomach. "MOM!" Jamie yelled again, but there was no reply. Then she noticed a bottle of vodka laying near the bathroom door. She opened the door. Jaimie's heart sunk. There was her mother, passed out drunk, in the middle of the floor. Jaimie went and got a blanket and put it around her mother. "I love you mom," whispered Jaimie. She grabbed her purse and went out the door. Once she was at school, she headed straight for the bathroom. Jamie pulled out her razor and pressed it as hard as she could against her wrist and slid the razor down, then again with her shoulder. Blood was everywhere, and Jamie got worried. She took some paper towls, wrapped them around her wrist, put her hoodie on, and went to class.

As Jamie sat down, she began to feel lightheaded. "Are you alright?" asked matt, who sat behind her. Suddenly jamie began to feel dizzy and things started to spin, collapseing on the floor. . She heard Matt yell "Holy Shit! Sombody call 911!" Why? Jaimie thought to herself. Then she looked down at her arm. Her entire sleeve was covered in blood. The last thing she heard was Matt's voice. "Everything's gonna be alright, I promise. Just please be ok!" she felt something wet hit her face. It was a tear. I love you matt. That was the last thing she thought before she drifted into total darkness.

Jaimie opened her eyes. A glowing clock by her bed said it was 2:00 a.m. Where was she? She looked at her arm. Crap, my arm is showing! Jamie quickly tried to pull her sleeve down but realized she had no shirt on. She felt her arm and realized there were bandages on it. “Shit.” She said to herself as she sunk back into her pillows. (As a child, Jaimie always hated hospitals). As she turned, she felt a searing pain in her shoulder. “OW!” she yelled. Then she heard something. Was it a snore? She looked around in the darkness, realizing that it was Matt. He had fallen asleep on the couch next to her bed. She smiled, then slowly crept out of bed and curled up next to him. Matt opened his eyes, then wrapped his arms around her and went back to sleep.

“Aww…look at the little burritos!” Jaimie opened her eyes. There, in the bed next to her, a girl with bandages on both wrists was smiling at her.

“Hi, I’m Chloe. Judging by the clueless look on your face, I am going to tell you that you are in the suicide watch ward. Meaning people are watching you.”

“Err…Matt..Matt! Get up!” Jamie pushed Matt on the shoulder. His eyes fluttered open, staring at Chloe. “Angel..” said Matt in his semiconscious state.

“Hardly that, mate. But I do suggest you get your ass out of here, this is patients only.” said Chloe. Jamie laughed as Matt kissed her on the cheek then stood up. “I gotta get going,” said Matt.

“Hey, before you leave…thanks for everything. I mean it.” Jamie stood up and gave him a hug, then got into her bed. “Anytime,” said Matt as he opened the door. “I’ll come visit you later, take care of yourself, ok?” He walked out the door and was gone in seconds.

“So what are you here for?” asked Chloe. “Well, I mean how did you try to do it.”

Jamie looked around for a second. “I never wanted to do it, I just accidently hit a vein.”

Chloe frowned for a moment, then raised her eyebrows. “Oh, you’re one of them…”

“One of what?” asked Jaimie.

“You are a..a..cutter?” Chloe whispered.

“Yeah, whats so bad about that?” Jamie started to get nervous.

“Nothing, I was just trying to freak you out.” Chloe replied with a smile."I enjoy doing that, as you can tell."

"So how did you end up here?" Jamie asked. Chloe frowned again, then her eyes narrowed, as if she was thinking about an unpleasent thought.

"Nothing you need to know." She said coldly, then turned on her bedside."You should get some rest, they are going to come and dope you up with drugs in a minute. You start to feel like a medical expiriment. And judging by the way they brought you in last night, you are going to need it. The painkillers should wear off later."

"What happened in here?" Jamie asked. She really didn't want to know the answer.

"Well, when you came in, I was eating, and snuck over to the ER to see what was going on. I looked in and saw you, with blood all over you. You were probably close to death, because you were sheet white. It was a fuckin mess. Matt was on the couch, trying to call your mom." replied Chloe.

"Oh..." Jamie felt horrible. The doctors would have seen every cut she had. She was jerked back to reality when a nurse came in. Jamie watched as the nurse inserted the needle into her arm. Just that little prick of pain. If she could hold onto it for just one more second...Then she began to feel sick. Her head started spinning and she fell asleep.

Jaimie woke up and smiled. Today was her last day here. She could finally go home. With Chloe. She jumped out of bed and got dressed, then opened Chloe’s curtain. “Come on, hurry up! Wake up and get dressed!” said Jaimie. Chloe shot up out of bed. “Huh? Oh. Never mind.”

Within minutes both girls were ready. They grabbed their suitcases and headed to the front desk. “Do we need to sign anything?” asked Jaimie. The nurse glanced at her then looked at her papers. “No, but I am glad you two are leaving. Go out and have some fun.” With that, the nurse handed them their records then waved.

“Mom! I’m home!” Jaimie yelled as soon as she stepped in the door. Then she stopped. The house was clean, but empty. There was a note on the table that said “Jaimie I love you.” Her mother had left. Jaimie felt a huge burst of anger. They were going to live here and pay the rent if it was the last thing they did. Her mom also left a 5000 dollar check on the table, too.

“Well, since my mom left, you can have her room. The bus comes at 6:45 tomorrow, so we need to be up by then. Why don’t you go unpack?” said Jaimie.

6:20 a.m. Jaimie was staring at the numbers on her clock. She looked at her mangled arm. How was she going to hide it? How would everyone react? Oh well. She’d worry about it later. Jaimie quickly got up and dressed, then went into the kitchen where Chloe was eating. “Ready to go?” asked Jaimie as she tossed Chloe an old backpack.

(at school)
Jamie and Chloe had completely different classes, so they both went different directions. She went to her locker and spun her combination. “Guess who?” said a familiar voice. “Matt! I missed you so much!” Jamie gave him a kiss then grabbed her books. “Hey, I gotta go, but I’ll see you at lunch !” said Jamie as she headed off to class.

Chloe walked into class and sat down in the back row. Twiddling a pencil between her fingers, she thought about everything that had happened. She just wished it was all a nightmare. If she could just tell someone what had happened. But she couldn’t. She snapped back into reality as someone sat down next to her. “Hey, you new here?” A guy with a devils loch haircut, a black hoodie, and jeans had sat down. He reached over to see her assignment but she pulled away. Memories of her past flooded through her mind. “Hey, jeez…” He pulled away, but instead of being pist, he looked concerned. “Hey, I really didn’t mean to make you mad. I’m Ethan.” Chloe looked up. “Its ok.” She looked back down at the floor. Dammit. She thought to herself. I hate being like that. Her mind flashed back to last summer. HE came up and struck Chloe clear across the face and dragged her out of the room. “Are you ok?” Ethan asked. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” Suddenly a ruler slapped the dest. “TALKING!” Chloe turned around to face the teacher. “ I’m sorry Miss, it will not happen again.” She felt something hit her shoulder. She looked down and realized that it was a note. It read: I’m really really sorry I got you into trouble. I think you are really really pretty and was wandering if you’d come with me to the Chubb’s Rock Club. 6:00 Friday. Love Ethan

“You got asked out on your first day?” Jaimie asked Chloe, who was smashing her mashed potatoes. “Umm…yeah kinda.” said Chloe, who went back to smashing her potatoes. “Well, was he nice and slightly good looking?” asked Jaimie. “Umm…yeah kinda.” Chloe smiled. “I dunno if I should go out with him though, I mean with school and everything.” Jaimie rolled her eyes. “Look, you should go because I am going over to Matt’s.” Chloe raised her eyebrows. “No, not that! We are just going to watch a movie.” Chloe nodded. She was excited, but deep down inside she was afraid.

The doorbell rang. Chloe opened it and stepped back. There was Ethan, standing there with a rose in his hand. Chloe smiled. “So are you ready to go?” asked Ethan. Chloe nodded. As they walked to the car, Ethan reached for Chloe’s hand, but she pulled away, the sense of fear slowly rising in her stomach.

The pulled up to Chubb’s, a shabby rock club. “Who are we going to go see?” asked Chloe. “You’ll find out soon enough.” Ethan replied, grinning.

The club was very grungy, with graffitied walls and a grimy concrete floor. “Follow me,” said Ethan as he led her to the backstage. A man with a hat that said CHUBB’S tapped Ethan on the shoulder. “Hey, what is your stage setup?” the man asked. “Me in the middle, Charlie to the left, Devin in the rear, and Chris to the right. My amp is already set up.” Ethan replied. “Lets go meet everyone, shall we?” Chloe followed Ethan until they reached a door that said PRESHOW LOUNGE and they went in.

It was a small room with 2 couches, a small tv, and guitar picks all over. A guy with black and red streaked hair stood up. “Hey, Ethan’s finally found a good looking girl! I’m Charlie, and the guy reading the book who-“ Charlie raised his voice. “IS TOO LAZY TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND GREET SOMEONE is Devin. Devin looked up from his book and nodded at Chloe. “Oh, that’s Chris. He is talking to his girlfriend, so we can’t talk to him.” Chris looked up and waved. “Thanks for introducing them Charlie. This beautiful girl is Chloe, and she is going to watch us tonight.” said Ethan. “Hey, we gotta go. We are on in ten minuets. I’ll see you, or rather you’ll see me later. The security guard will let you through the barrier so you can watch extra close ok?” Ethan reached over and pecked Chloe on the cheek. Another flashback came up again. She was locked in a room with no windows, and then HE came in. Chloe shook her head, clearing her thoughts then walked out to go watch. Ethan’s voice boomed though the loudspeaker. “HEY WHAT IS UP CHUBB’S! WE ARE STAGEHAND AND WE ARE HERE TO ROCK! READY! 1,2,1,2,3,4!” Ethan counted the band off then started to sing.

Chloe loved it. She yelled until her voice was hoarse. Ethan looked incredible and the band sounded great. Halfway through the fifth song she went over to the vending machine to grab something to drink. As she put her money in, a man walked up tp her. “Hey, you are that girl with Ethan, right?” the man was obviously drunk. Chloe nodded, then got her drink. Suddenly, he shoved himself into her. Chloe screamed but the man wouldn’t get off. He tore her shirt and tried to grab her but was lifted up by the security guard. Chloe looked up at him with tears streaming down her face, then ran outside and collapsed by the dumpster. Its happening again. She thought to herself as she sat, crying.

The door opened and Ethan ran over to her. “Oh Chloe..I saw what happened.” He reached over to wipe a tear off her face but she pulled away. “Look, I really like you and want to know more about you but you keep freaking out when I get near you.” said Ethan as he sat down next to her. “It’s not you, its just that a lot of things have happened to me. I get scared.” Chloe looked into his eyes and saw genuine concern as she said this. “Ok, so tell me why you flipped out when I kissed you and why you were so afraid of that guy.” said Ethan.

“I was kidnapped in Vietnam when I was eight, then forced to do child labor until I was thirteen. When I turned thirteen, I was sold to a very mean man who hurt me badly.” Chloe hunched up into a ball and tried to go on. “I just couldn’t deal with it, and I kept telling myself that it was my fault, but things kept getting worse. I tried to protect myself, I really did, but he hurt me and beat me up and…”Chloe was sobbing in her arms. She felt Ethan move her head on his shoulder, and he gently wiped her tears away.

“I can’t imagine what you went through, but now that you told me I can help you.” Ethan paused then gently touched her wrist. “You’ve been through a lot haven’t you?” He wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’ll always be here for you no matter what. We can take it slow, I promise. I will never let anyone hurt you again.” Before Chloe knew it, she fell asleep on his shoulder.

Jaimie opened the door to her house and found Chloe asleep on the couch. She snuck over to her purse and pulled out her old razor. I missed this so much. Jaime thought to herself. She went into the bathroom and rolled up her sleeve, then slid the razor across her arm. Something was different, the cut bled more. Jaimie went to find some gauze pads in the kitchen, then started digging through the cabinet. “That’s definitely going to need more than a gauze pad. I am calling Ethan; he lives in the neighborhood and has a car.” Chloe was up. Dammit! Thought Jaimie. “Let me see it.” No, why should I let her? Its none of her business. Chloe went to grab her arm, but Jaimie pulled away. “Let me see it Jaimie, please. It’s too deep and dripping on the floor. You are going to the hospital.” said Chloe. Jaimie sheepishly showed her the cut. “Jaimie please…” she picked up the phone and dialed Ethan’s number. “Hey Ethan. Sorry to bother you, but we need a ride to the hospital. I’ll explain everything in the car.” she hung up the phone. Just what I need, another nurse up my ass, thought Jaimie as she stepped outside.

“McCaslin, Jaimie?” An older nurse with cold eyes called her name. Jaimie stood up. The nurse saw her arm and rolled her eyes. “Another emo kid? Look, we don’t give self mutilators pain meds, sorry.” The nurse didn’t look too sorry about it. Jaimie walked towards her and as they went through the door, she shot Chloe a pleading look.

9 stitches. How was Matt not going to notice that? Everyone at school would know everything, thought Jaimie as she walked out to meet Chloe in the waiting room. “They are done.” said Jaimie. “Chloe opened her eyes and Ethan stood up. “Are you ok?” asked Chloe. “Oh yeah, just peachy.” Jaimie replied in an irritated voice.

The next day, as Jaimie was walking home from school with Chloe, she noticed an old red volvo parked in the driveway. "Who's that?" asked Chloe. "Not anyone that I want to see right now." Jaimie replied. She held her breath and walked into the house.

"JAIMIE! OH SWEETIE! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" Jaimie's mother ran over to her as soon as she got in the door. She ran to hug her, but Jaimie backed away. Chloe realized what was about to happen and stepped outside.

"Jaimie, honey, what's wrong?" asked Mrs. McCaslin. Jaimie was enraged."I CAN'T BELIVE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COME BACK HERE! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME??!!" Yelled Jaimie, her anger rising. "I was in the hospital for three days, and not once were you there for me." She rolled up her sleeves. "DO YOU SEE THIS? Your drinking made me cut myself. I was under suicide watch for THREE DAYS! You left me all alone."

"Jaimie, that happened awhile ago, and-and I had to go sort some things out. Let's call it water under the bridge, shall we?" said Mrs. McCaslin. "No." Jaimie angerly replied. "Jaimie, I don't understand-" started Mrs. McCaslin, but Jaimie cut her off. "No, you have to understand mom, because I can't keep living with you." said Jaimie, and with that, she went out the door. "Chloe, you are going to have to figure something out, because I am going to go and live at Matt's." Jamie muttered. "But, where do I go?" asked Chloe. "I don't know. All I know is that I have to get out of here." she replied. Before Chloe had a chance to answer, Jaimie was already gone.

Chloe rang the doorbell. Ethan answered. "I got kicked out." she said, as if that would explain everything. Apperantly Ethan didn't mind, because he didn't mention it again. "Come on in, I live on student welfare, so you can stay here. This is my brother Joey." Ethan motioned to a guy sitting on the couch. Chloe nodded toward him, then followed Ethan upstairs. "You can stay in the spare bedroom. Joey is across the hall, and you can put your things away in the closet." said Ethan. The room walls were plain, with a regular twin bed and a dresser up against each wall. Joey walked in. He was tall, and looked very strong. Something about him made Chloe suspicious of him, but she decided to ignore the feeling as he reached out his hand. "Hey, I am Joey. You must be...?" Chloe took it. "Chloe." Joey looked at her in such a way that Chloe felt very uncomfortable. "Well, my room is right down the hall if you need anything." with that, Joey turned around and walked out. "My brother is 21, but he has enough slutty girlfriends to keep himself entertained. Let me know if he makes you uncomfortable." said Ethan. Chloe nodded, then hugged Ethan. "Thank you so much for letting me stay here." Ethan kissed her. "No problem." he said afterwards. He glanced at his watch. "Hey, I've got to go into the studio, and won't be back until around 12 tonight. I gotta get going, but call me if you need anything, ok?"

"Sure." she replied.

After about 3 hours, Chloe finally decided to go to bed. She undressed, got into her pajamas, then laid down on the soft covers. Within minutes, she was asleep.

Chloe awoke to the noise of a door opening. Suddenly the light flicked on. Ethan wouldn't do that. Chloe thought to herself. She opened her eyes and looked at who was standing in the door. It was Joey. She heard the click of the lock and knew all was lost. "Joey, what do you want?" asked Chloe, not wanting to know the answer. "You. Do you really think that I'd let something as pretty as you just slip by?" Joey replied. "Joey, please, no. You can't." said Chloe, the fear rising in her stomach. "Oh, yes, I can." Chloe jumped off the bed and tried to run toward the door, but Joey caught her by the neck and slammed her against the wall. She screamed out in pain, and tried desprately to get up, but Joey caught her and jumped on top of her. He tore her shirt off and started to unzip her pants, but Chloe kicked him hard. He pinned her to the floor. Chloe was screaming and pleading for him to stop, but it was no use.

As soon as Joey was finished, he got dressed and was about to leave when he stopped at the door. "Not a word about this or I swear to god you will end up someplace you know you don't want to be." he said cruelly before closing the door.

Chloe was in pain. She wanted so bad to forget everything that happened, and wanted to run away, but she knew she couldn't. She cleaned up and curled up into a ball on her bed, crying. What was she going to tell Ethan? She wouldn't. Chloe decided to keep quiet about it. She got up and locked the door, making sure everything was tightly secure, then took a chair and leaned it up against the door.

At around 12:30 Ethan came home. He knocked on the door. "Chloe? Chloe!" He must've given up and thought she was asleep, because the knocking subsided.



JAIMIE

Jaimie knocked on the door, and Matt answered. "Would I be able to crash here?" she asked. "Umm, Jaimie....Look, I really love you but right now I really don't you can be with me. I am sorry, but I just can't deal with your problems anymore." Jaimie's jaw dropped. What she thought might be a tear slid down Matt's face. He shut the door, leaving Jaimie heartbroken at his front door.

Where will I go? Thought Jaimie. She knew she couldn't go back home. Suddenly she had an idea. She headed to the barber's shop.

"Shave it all off." was all she had to say to the barber. He got to work and when he was finished, Jaimie looked in the mirror. All of her brown hair was gone, replaced by a military crew cut. Jaimie didn't care, she was going to prove to Matt that she COULD be strong.
She headed to the military draft office.

The office was tiny, with several papers pinned up on the walls. A little woman with rimmed glasses was sitting at a desk in the middle of the room. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"I'd like to sign up for the army."stated Jaimie.
The woman had a puzzled look on her face. "You aren't going to be safe..." she started. Jaimie knew this was coming and was ready to answer. "I don't care. I can do it."

The woman raised her eyebrows but said nothing. "Fill out these forms." she said after she regained composure. Jaimie filled them out and gave them back to her in minuets. "You know you'll be one of the only girls there, right?" The woman's last ditch attempt wasn't working. "Yes." Jaimie replied. "Ok, report to the bus station at 5 a.m. Thursday."

THURSDAY

"NEW RECRUITS!" A loud voice shouted. Jaimie was at the bus station waiting for the commander to arrive. "I WILL BE YOUR LEADER, SERGENT BRICKS! YOU WILL MARCH ONTO THESE BUSES, AND GO TO THE TRAINING CAMP. IS THAT CLEAR??" There was a loud "YES SIR" in response.

When they reached the camp, everyone registered and marched to their bunkhouses. Jaimie looked for bunkhouse 8A. "What the hell is a girl doing here?" Jaimie turned around. The man who said the remark looked about eighteen or ninteen years old, and was very muscular and slim. "I am here to serve my country, if that's what you're wondering." Jaimie replied calmly. "I'm Jaimie." she stuck out her hand. "And you are...?" She said expectantly. "Someone who thinks you are a stupid whiney bitch." The guy turned around and walked away, chuckling with his friends. Jaimie rolled her eyes.

She finally found bunkhouse 8A, and went to her assigned bunk. She put her things down on the bed and looked around. Suddenly her stuff was pushed off the bed. "You are NOT bunking with me." The same guy who called her a bitch happened to be sleeping right above her.