Men Are From Mars, Women Are From...

Men are from Mars, Women are from Bloomingdale’s

There has been a battle between the sexes since the beginning of time. First, there was the issue of who got the biggest piece of meat off the fire. Then we argued about who bagged the comfortable spot in the cave. Things progressed over the years to debates over who was smarter, quicker and more able to win in an Olympic sport. Who got on top? Who got off first? Who wears the pants?

These days, the lines have blurred a lot more and the differences between the sexes are not as much. Men can buy designer moisturizer while it’s female boxers who inspire award winning (read: mind numbingly boring) Hollywood films. Metrosexuality has become a worldwide phenomena and sexual preference has become breakfast table conversation. Men cry over a pint or at their favorite movie while women bed hop and pub crawl with the best of them. We are starting to melt into one crazy gender - one that shops, cries, fights, scratches and drives fast cars.

Or are we?

I was at dinner with my boyfriend the other night, trying desperately to hold on to my sobriety in the face of a number of cocktails (the first three martinis were for the bad day I’d just had, but the last two were just for fun). Our appetizers were wonderful and I was just launching into what I thought was a hilarious story when I noticed my boyfriend’s eyes glaze over.

Me - “Were you just checking out that woman?”

Him - “No! I was looking for the bathroom and she walked into my field of vision!”

(Sure, he was really thinking about his bladder instead of the hot woman in the short skirt and gold boots who just walked by.)

Me –“Those boots are really tacky anyway”

Him – ‘ I was not looking at that woman!”

Me – “If you weren’t looking at her how come you knew she was wearing boots?”

Him – “ Oh I’m going to the bathroom.”

As he stomped off to the bathroom, I lit up a cigarette and motioned for another drink.

Men and the blatant check out. They go hand in hand – like coffee and cigarettes, hot pants and high heels, manicures and pedicures. Men have been doing it for centuries, they could be on their death bed, delivering a speech to the queen, standing in the way of a speeding bus – but they will still stop for a second, let their mouth hang out and let the drool go.

It’s not like women don’t either, you must understand. Women probably check out more people then men ever do. A woman can hold a conversation, order a cocktail and put on lipstick – all the while looking at the tall tanned guy in the corner of the bar. Women are subtle in their lechery. Without that subtlety, we women would be just as big and silly as boys can occasionally be. But the subtlety is not just an art form that we have mastered over the years, it is a simple and effective way of letting the person we’re with know that even if Adonis is in the corner, we’re fully focused on the person right in front of us.

Which is why it continues to annoy me when the man I’m with stops mid sentence to ogle a perky girl in a tight top. I am all for eye candy, that’s what eye candy is out there for – to be admired and looked at. But seriously guys, put the drool away, and pay some attention to what we’re saying.

A few minutes later, my boyfriend got back from the bathroom. Our main courses arrived and we dug in. He was just telling me about how his day went when an attractive man in a suit walked by. My boyfriend put down his knife and asked –

“Were you just checking out that guy?”

See, it’s no fun is it?