What About Georgia

The afternoon sun felt warm against my skin as the desert air whipped across my face. I gripped the steering wheel of my black jeep so firmly that my knuckles turned white. As I quickly drove past cacti and the occasional far away hills of brown rock, I forced my brain to reason with my heart. He’s no good for you my brain said. He’ll just end up hurting you. My eyes squinted together in a miserable attempt to block the tears from spilling over. I groaned out loud in frustration. Just a few days before I was happier than I had ever been, laughing and having fun with the man that I had fallen deeply in love with. What happened?

I’ll tell you what happened—she happened; the tall, brown-eyed beauty with long legs and amazingly pouty lips. She was the reason I felt like my heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. Why I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think…
I smacked the steering wheel with the heel of my hand and groaned, “Why am I so stupid? I should have seen it coming! I should have known that a guy who looks as good as he does wouldn’t be able to be monogamous.” My Australian Cattle pup Lola, barked happily in the seat beside me. I glanced quickly at her to see her mouth open in a wide smile, tongue hanging out, and ears flapping in the wind.

“Well, at least one of us had a good time right?” I chuckled and reached over to stroke her soft fur. I received a quick yip in agreement.

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“Come on, Nickolas! Cheer up! Here, have another drink!”
I was sitting in a dim, musty bar with three of my best friends, trying to drown the mistakes I’d made in the past week with alcohol.
Josh slid a shot of whiskey towards me with his first and second fingers and tried again to brighten up my spirits. “Nick, please—I want my friend back. I can’t take all your moping and self-pity for much longer. Especially over a girl that wasn’t even ‘the one’…”
I shifted my gaze to meet his, furrowing my brow in anger, “You have no idea what she meant to me, do you? For you, it’s all about quantity not quality! I’m not like that, Josh. I don’t want to degrade myself by being with every girl that will have me, even if I don’t find them attractive. I want to get married, Josh. Start a family. I don’t care if I sound crazy—it’s what I want to do.”
I heard a snort from the corner of the booth and closed my eyes, not wanting to talk about it anymore, but not really having a choice.
I sighed heavily and opened my eyes, “What, Alex?”
Alex looked at me with his lopsided grin and shrugged, “I dunno, Nick. I would like to believe everything you said in that little speech you gave there, but what about Stephanie? If you wanted to get married, why cheat with Stephanie?”
My lips parted slightly in anticipation of a response, but none came, and my lips quickly closed together.
I felt an arm slide around my shoulders and turned my head to the right, looking my friend Charlie square in the eye. “I don’t know what to do, Charlie. I messed up real bad, and now the love of my life is halfway across the country with a broken heart and it’s all my fault.” I could feel the knowing sting in my nose and behind my eyes, and I pinched at the skin between my thumb and forefinger to startle myself from crying.
Charlie’s face softened and he smiled slightly, “Well, have you tried calling her? Trying to explain?”
I sighed a little and nodded, “Yeah—she won’t answer, though. I’ve left her a million messages…but she won’t even talk to me.”
Charlie removed his arm from my shoulder and leaned against the wall, his right arm leaning on the table. “Maybe you should go see her.”
Once again I opened my mouth for a quick protest but when I saw the look in everyone’s eyes, I knew I had to at least try.

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The rain softly hit the windows of my mother’s southern farmhouse, making the living room feel warm and cozy. Lola was curled up on the floor beside the couch and snoring softly. With a warm cup of tea I slid into a seat beside my mom on the couch and rested my head on her shoulder. I felt her hand softly touch my face and brush the hair out of my eyes. “I know it’s hard right now, sweetheart, but it will get easier.”
When Nick and I finally went our separate ways, the first person I thought to call was my mom. She’s my rock, my comforter--she makes everything better. I figured that after things went sour with Nick, I would be in desperate need of some “mommy love.”
“I just don’t understand,” I confessed. “I thought he loved me. Why spend all this time with me only to betray me?”
My mom sighed softly and squeezed my shoulder. “Sometimes, people make mistakes, and it hurts, especially when it comes to love. Now, deep down, I know you love Nick with all your heart, and he shares that love with you, too. Did you try asking him what happened? I know it might not be something you want to hear, but what if he has a good explanation, and you throw away everything you’ve worked for in 3 years for nothing?”
Just then the phone rang, and as my mom got up to get it, I reached down and picked up Lola, using my arms to cradle her. Lola craned her neck and licked my chin. I lowered my face to hers and giggled in a high voice, automatically switching to “baby talk.”
“Who’s my girl? Who’s always gonna be there for me, huh?” I scratched her belly as I spoke, and I got several quick barks in response. “That’s right, Lola! You are! You’ll never leave me for another, cuter owner, right?” A lick on the cheek was the only confirmation I needed.
My mother walked into the living room, carrying her purse. “Honey, I have to go out for a little bit—Dr. Watson needs a little help with an upset patient.” My mom was a psychiatrist and helped out at the old folks’ home down the street. “You’ll be okay here by yourself?”
I stifled a scoff and nodded my head, “Yeah, sure mom. At 23 I should be able to take care of myself, right?”
Suddenly Lola jumped from my lap and ran to the door, barking madly. I figured she just wanted to go “o-u-t” too, but when I heard the knock on the door I knew it was for something different.
Have you ever gotten a feeling that resembled something like missing the last few steps coming down on the staircase? At first you’re scared because you could’ve gotten hurt. You’re angry, because it could have been avoided. And then you become sad, because what would have happened to you or to your loved ones if you did get hurt?
When I saw the owner of the knock at the door, my heart felt like it had missed a thousand steps.
“Nickolas!” My mother’s cheery voice reverberated through my whole body as she opened the front door. I didn’t want him to come in, to try to explain. I wanted to stay mad at him. I wanted to hate him. To make him leave, make him hurt as much as he hurt me.
“I best be on my way—I’ll see you later!” My mother shut the door behind her.

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The water was black and silver, lit by the full moon. The waves lapped lazily against the shore and drew back into the ocean, and the stars glittered like small diamonds in the sky. I sat on the hood of my car, beside the girl that I had hurt, betrayed, and somehow loved with every fiber of my being.
“Why did you bring me here?” I heard her soft voice caress my ear.
I sat silent for a moment, trying to compose myself. This would be harder than I thought, I realized. I turned my body to face her and placed my hand over hers, staring into her big beautiful blue eyes.
I opened my mouth to speak, but I expected a sound louder than the one I had emitted. The voice I heard speaking was the voice of a broken, torn man, and felt his life slipping away from his fingers. “I don’t want to make excuses. I brought you here, to the beach, because this is where we first met. I thought the words I have come to say might make more of an impact on you if you remembered a time with me when you were happy.”
I saw her head drop and a small, delicate hand reach up to wipe away a tear. “Just tell me why,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but here. Wishing I could turn back time to before I started taking those sleeping pills, before I started working 12 hours a day, and before I started drinking.
“I don’t know why, okay?” I admitted. “It just…happened. I remember taking my pill to sleep, and answering a tap at the door. It was Stephanie and she said her boyfriend broke up with her and could she stay and talk. I said yes, but not for very long because I had already taken my medicine and I needed to sleep. The next thing I knew we were sitting together on the back porch drinking beer.”
Her eyes turned cold and she lifted her hands in frustration, “So what you just got drunk and don’t remember anything? No, you know what? Forget it, Nick. I’m tired of waiting for you to get sober. I’m tired of wondering what’s happening out there to you, if you’re okay, if you’re safe. I’m done worrying.” She hopped off the edge of the car and started walking back through the parking lot.
“Hey, where are you going?!” I yelled. “I need to explain!”
I saw her stop and for a second my heart leaped—she was turning around and wanted to hear my side of the story. Then I saw the tears streaming down her face, and my heart dropped to my feet.
“Nick…I can’t do this anymore. I won’t. I love you, but you can’t do this to me anymore. I won’t let you hurt me like this anymore. What if you do it again, huh? I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to cheat on me again, so I’m leaving. I’m gone.” Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, but it felt like she was yelling the words at me through a megaphone. Then she turned and walked away. That was the last time I ever saw her and as she turned a corner I whispered “I love you, Georgia. Now and always, I love you.”