Divine Interference

Dearest Butterfly,

First, you need to know how positively fabulous your shoes are. Strappy, kicky Donald Pliners, with that wedge heel. Just delicious! If I’d been able, I would’ve taken those, too. That fire-engine red just matches the purse so perfectly!

Second, you’ll find enclosed the important things: your compact (Princess Marcella Borghese!), lipstick (more of that luscious red!), and condoms (don’t forget those!). You're not Catholic, are you? I'd hate to answer to the big guy on that one.

I’m keeping your MasterCard a little while longer. You’ll be receiving some essentials I’ve arranged for, and okay, I did splurge a bit. So sue me. Look for packages from Tiffany’s, Via Spiga (I know how good your taste is!), and oh, did I order it? Lessee…yes! You’re a lucky gal! If you don’t like mink now, you’ll learn to love it soon. Trust me on this one.

The cash? Oh, let’s consider that my fee, shall we?

You must be wondering what the heck I’m talking about. Not the purse, of course. I’m sure you noticed it missing, right after you slid those perky hothouse tomatoes into your basket. Those, by the way, are absolutely amazing sliced, with mozzarella and basil. But, I know a woman of your potential already knows good food. We do share the same grocery, after all.

How to explain? Well, I usually manifest as the angel of divine beauty, really. Sounds dramatic, no? I take those souls less stylish than myself under my wing; help them realize how wonderful life can be, when they learn to accessorize properly. It’s a skill, Darling! Don’t panic. You’ll learn.

After all, you don’t have a choice. The others didn’t, either.

We’ll be discussing your manicure choices soon, so be sure to read up a bit. I suggest Tips, Acrylics and You as a starter. I’ll be giving you a call right after my hot rocks massage tomorrow, so we can begin. Lots to do!

Keep in mind, Hon, I’ll garrote you in your sleep if you fall behind in your studies. Beauty is work, you know.

So, after we’re done, and you’ve transformed into the paragon of fashion I absolutely know you can be, I’ll be returning your purse. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I broke up that priceless combination, now!

You get a good night’s sleep. We’ll start fresh tomorrow.

Kisses!
Your Yofiel