employee of the month

Employee of the month.

At the end of every long, tiring day of office I wonder where I would be without my ‘buddies’ in the kitchen. Yes, I’m talking about the appliances in the kitchen, my oven, my blending machine, and my refrigerator. I’m so grateful to god for them that once I decided to felicitate the most useful among my three most favorite appliances (I’ve mentioned them above).
So one night at dinner, I announced to my husband and two daughters my plans.
I wanted all three of them to be the judges and I would be the mediator.

My first daughter stared at me with tearful eyes. "Mom you’re not serious are you?" I could tell that she had cracked a couple of ribs trying not to roar with laughter.
Her look of incredulity made me go red. Perhaps sensing a fight my husband
jumped up. "Why not? Here’s a chance for some quality time for the whole family." He made good eye contact with both my daughters as though daring them to oppose. "That’s the spirit darlings! Now let’s finish dinner quickly and start the contest". He smiled a very strained, fixed smile at my young daughter, who gave him an awkward wink.

The clock on the kitchen wall showed ten minutes past eight by the time we all trooped in to the kitchen. My youngest made herself comfortable on my husband’s lap while my eldest stood yawning artificially at the doorway. I made the rules clear. "Well, you guys can each select a nominee and talk on it’s merits". My daughter gave a huge groan from the doorway. "God we have to talk". My husband said loudly to her. "I thought you loved talking. You beat Oprah Winfrey. That talk show’s over in an hour!" Both my daughters giggled.
"And the nominees are, the blender". My husband clapped. "…The oven…and the refrigerator". There was weak clapping from both my daughters.

"Judges", I said pompously trying to imitate award nite hosts, "the stage is yours". I watched on with mounting irritation as the three of them stared stupidly at each other. "Ahem judges!!" My first daughter asked "could I leave after making my stupid speech". I nodded. "All right I’m up first!" She stood facing us. "Yeah hey, I think I’ll support the oven". I had to agree with her that nothing would be quite so crispy, or quite so fried without the oven.
"That’s it!" She ended abruptly. "That’s it!" My husband echoed startled.

"Well, yeah!" She smiled very charmingly leaving us all feeling like fools.
My husband snapped out of the silence first. "Err…. all right, fine. She gave her vote in favor of the oven. What about you honey?" He turned to our second daughter. "I think that the fridge is the king of the kitchen". She said in her small voice. "Rather queen of the kitchen." My husband said after a little thought, "after all, it does spend it’s entire lifetime in the kitchen!"
He flinched under my elder daughter’s angry feminist glare.
"I mean all the stuff would be absolutely ruined if not for our fridge!Not to mention there would be no more chilled drinks or cold milk for summers plus imagine the extinction of cold coffee and ice cubes."
The mere thought of these catastrophes listed out by my young daughter made me shiver. "Thank you darling for that lovely speech. What is your stand?" I turned to my husband. "Do you want me to be brutally frank?"He asked. "Do not spare anyone’s feelings". He cleared his throat.
"I think machines are useless pieces of junk especially when there’s no electricity or someone to work them."He smiled with immense pleasure at the effect these words had on us.

"Well, I said hesitantly our first speech was too short; the last one was…unique in context, my husband bowed low. Err, the refrigerator wins."
"What? You’re always on her side. There wouldn’t be anything to keep in the fridge if it weren’t for the oven!!!!!!!" My first daughter shouted. I became just as angry. "I’m not siding with anyone young lady, her’s was the best speech today and she presented her points well. You slacked your turn!"
She turned on her heels furiously sobbing and muttering mutinously.
Just as she reached the doorway, she turned around and said ,"just because she is the youngest doesn’t mean you have to agree with her unfairly!"
Coldplay blared out aloud from her locked room, blocking out my roars of anger.
It took a long while for everything to settle down. My youngest daughter went to bed still arguing about the oven and the fridge. But she finally fell asleep late in the night. My elder daughter was absolutely convinced that I was conspiring against her, "I hate her, I so hate her" She sobbed to my husband who after a long session of discussions coaxed her to act civilly towards me. That night as I lay in bed, beside him I asked," does she really hate me?" He looked at me in the eye. "Look she’s a teenager. It’s her job to be rebellious, but when she says that she hates you what she really means is that you are indispensable to her life. It’s really just another way of saying that she loves you".
I felt a huge wave of relief wash through me, as did a wave of sleep. I still remember the last thought that went through my mind.
"And the employee of the month is………"
My husband had won!