Earth Day

Dear other 6.4 billion residents of Earth,
i'd love to do my part on Earth day, but as one of the planet's sworn archenemies, i consider it a conflict of interests. the closest thing i can offer is that for every piece of litter i pick up, i leave 3. for every wrapper i pull from the water, i dump 5 gallons of oil in. the earth is a bully. take into consideration all of the earthquakes,tornados,tsunamis, and cher songs. clearly the planet has never heard the phrase "pick on someone your own size".
So don't come crying "pollution" to me, Greenpeace and National Arbor Day Foundation. I like throwing my junk on the ground-i'ts easy and efficient- thus i will continue to do so. I mean,where else is it supposed to go? The moon? No, because then someday (i'm guessing around March 12, 2015) I'll have to worry about future wastes of time and money like Starpeace and the Interplanetary Space Day Foundation.So to earth day, i say "bah". i dont ask earth to clean me when im dirty,just as i expect earth to clean itself when it is.Besides,I already do my part year round by giving the hippies something to clean up on earth day.

-JWilloughby