Modern Sales

Modern Sales

Opening the gate, I flinched as a large stone flew past my ear, followed by another, barely missing me as I ducked behind a derelict, rusting station wagon.

“I thought I told you people to never come here again!” the old man in the dirty tee-shirt hollered, searching for more rocks.

“Hello? Excuse me... sir?” I tried reasoning, “sir... hello?”

“Don’t you be sir'n me,” he hollered again, “I told you gov’ment people to stay the hell away from here!”

Looking from the safety of the rusty old car I tried again. “Excuse me? Ummm.. uh fella?”

The old man found another handful of rocks from the threadbare lawn as I inched down the side of the car, getting a little closer.

Hearing more commotion coming from the house I kept an eye on it as I slid closer to the porch. With a crash, the crooked screen door swung open as another old man stomped out. Glaring at the first old man he spit a large glob towards the car.

“Harry! What the hell are you doing?” he rasped, bringing up more phlegm, “Do you want the damn cops coming over here again?”

“Now honey,” the tee-shirt old man said, “you know if we aren’t careful, the damn gov’ment men are gonna come and tell us we ain’t married no more!”

“Sir?” I ventured a peek, “I’m not from the government.”

“You ain’t?” tee-shirt man asked, “who are ya then?”

“I represent the Jiffy Vacuum Company,” I smiled my most practiced sales-inducing smile, “I have this little beauty, the Super Suck 1000 I would like to show the homemaker.”

“A SUPER sucker? See there Harry, not from the gov'ment at all. Now sweetie, why don’t you go inside and put on some coffee?”