Emeripur II

Chapter Two: “Could I dance again, sing as we had together, and might I, like the flute over the grasslands, call back her soul to me?”


My time here wanes, so I must move more quickly through my tale if I wish you to know the entirety of it.

After discovering the secret of Emeripur’s ring and deciding that no matter what the costs I would uncover the greater secret of her disappearance, I was thrust into a thicket of deep and wild thoughts.
At first, possibilities that perhaps the ring was an heirloom of Emeripur surfaced on the horizon of my mind, but I had the means to quickly ruled that out.

Employing a source at an offshoot historic research facility not far from my home that I managed to contact through one of my mother’s more obscure connections, I was able to make various inquiries that applied to my search.
I asked questions about artifacts that ranged in the sphere of the time the ring was supposedly in physical existence and quickly found out that a chance of something surviving from the far-past time was virtually impossible.

No, archaeologist Ereven, anthropologist Timolon and historian Anamae exclaimed in fervent unison, worse then virtually impossible, there is no way!
There is nothing, we repeat regretfully, nothing surviving from that rare, unimaginable time period.
All we have are old images that were smuggled by a zealous carrier when the last base that carried some artifacts from that improbable era deteriorated, loosing all the precious things it was said to have held from the unfathomable time of ancient human history.
There were not even logs in survival, for those that fled from the rupturing space base could take nothing with them but the clothes on their backs.
The album that made its way out did so by strange means, for the carrier had willed it to the historian society only after his or her death, under quite ambiguous circumstances.
Half the things that the old base supposedly held from probably fictitious at any rate, my range of specialists concluded, exchanging looks that were both sad and speculative.
I searched the entire week that I spent with the society, attempting to find someone that might disprove the suppositions of these experts, or at least hold a slightly different opinion. I found none. Nor did I find any approved, veritable sources there that would lead me to find anyone with enough already-present suspicions on the subject to be willing to investigate my theories with me.

I had to accept that fact that there would be no such person or information was present here.
This was not odd, for scientists in this field especially relied on strictly feasible evidence. The strange, often contradictory nature of the unrecorded past left too many variables for them to take all ideas and suggestions into account and be expected to produce anything tangible.
I did not blame them, but they could not help me with my particularly outlandish query so my desperation and sheer need to find something or someone that would grew rapidly.
But that is not to say my time there was utterly wasted.
I gathered as much information about that time period as possible, logging everything carefully in a special journal I had purchased with borrowed money for my private investigation.
I did not know if all of this could help me or if any of it for that matter, but I knew that the more I collected, whether broad or detailed, could only benefit in supporting my various theories.
And I had a few in my mind, each as unlikely as the next. And there was one, especially bizarre and frighteningly mad, hovering in the shadows of my mind, refusing to be quenched, but also denying attempts to fully expose its face.
But the time when that would change was swiftly arriving, but it had not yet come.
I was still completely alone, reluctant to follow madness, and no one else’s aid to propel me into being otherwise.
But that too was to be promptly rectified, but not before I was fully willing to admit the most heinous of possibilities to myself.

On this note, there is another thing I suppose I should explain so that you may understand why I was so alone in my exploration.
This should also clarify and give evidence to understanding that the reason why I went about my quest so unadvertised.

Directly after my decision to find Emeripur, I located my mother and told her just what I planned to do.
Well, I told her that I intended to investigate Emeripur’s disappearance, but I neglected to mention my knowledge of the ring and the bizarre path I suspected that would lead me on.
Even as I waited for my mother to join me in her sitting room, I felt a shrewdness growing in my that I hadn’t felt since I was a very young and was on some secret mission that had been important then, but trifling now.
Since those childhood years of mischievous play, I had grown into a rather open and honest individual, keeping almost nothing from my mother other then the things reserved for privacy’s sake. I was an adult and a person on my own after all.

Anyway, this sudden, rapidly developing and encroaching cunning and secretive nature almost made me step back for a moment, figuratively speaking.
Was this pursuit of mine going to change me, perhaps for the worse?
Even as I asked myself this question I decided I didn’t care.
The important thing was Emeripur, and even if I felt on some level I shouldn’t tell my mother everything I thought I knew, I should at least give her my general intentions.

As it turns out, my mother was not surprised of my decision.
I knew you would, my darling love, for it is in your nature to care so deeply and your right to want to know where went the woman that you loved so much. I am not surprised that you wish to investigate, and I can only wish you hope and luck on your search. It is my secret wish that it not lead you to far from home, for I will greatly miss you, you have never wandered from my side too far before. But I understand that you are grown, and were to be leaving anyway, though not on such ambiguous terms.
You need to explore and have always had a curiosity for the universe, though you never had a push to exercise it before Emeripur.
I never felt it was right, Marthe, I said quietly, feeling something awake in me with her words.
It was true that I have always been curious and interested in exploration, though as of late I though it would be with Emeripur, not for her. In my flurry of decision, I had not even considered that me desiring to do what my heart dictated might me as much for my happiness as for Emeripur’s well being.
But it was the truth, now I saw.
And it did not deter or discourage me; from the moment I fell in love with Emeripur I knew that the path to her would only lead to my happiness, one way or another, and not to my demise.

For a moment, I considered telling my mother everything. Who else could I tell if not my mother? I trusted her more then anyone in my life, and a need to not be alone in my knowledge rose up in me.
With her wide spread and well maintained associations and well rounded list of acquaintances I would be able to cover not only more ground, but dig more extensively within then I could any other way.

But again, something stopped me like before.
The thought of the ring and of some underlying force that I felt became part of me, influencing my perceptions and directing my mind if not my heart, the moment that I realized the full portends of the ring’s meaning, or what I considered the full portends, was whispering into my mind that I should keep this to myself.
A part of my mind shied at the idea of following some unknown influence, but there was an undeniable trust in my heart.
Like in the dream that stimulated me to begin my rummaging in Emeripur’s things that began all this, there was a feeling of Emeripur in this strange influence, and above all, I was held by that.
That above all, proved the authenticity of all the seemingly questionable circumstances and powers that led me along my way. It made my heart break, welling emotion in my throat that I knew would turn to tears if I did not hold them back.
Being poetical, I had the epiphany that maybe those tears were supposed to metaphorically rinse away my doubts and clear my sight into what was really there.
So I did not tell my mother.

But I hesitated, which she did not fail to miss, and so after collecting her thoughts for a moment, she proceeded to tell me this:
My child, this is the first time in my life, and in this conversation, that I suddenly feel a quake of fear. Fear for you. What is it that you won’t tell me? What hides behind your eyes? What lurks in that heart of yours that you gave away and the still present nerves of which now sense something pulling them in the possible direction of where it might be, where not coincidentally Emeripur may lay? Is there anything you wish to tell me, my heart?

I swallowed, gave my mother a wan smile, and replied there was nothing.
I lied and I knew it, and I think now, so did she.
Perhaps it was that which prompted her to continue on the vein that she did.

Being so preoccupied with my own affairs, I had not had time or opportunity to notice that now that Emeripur was gone, and in such a mysterious state, that there was much furtive talk.
Although while she was present and we were in love and happy, no one dared to say anything against her, at least no in my presence or in way that it might be discovered.
My mother, bless her, had never failed to report one bit of gossip to me that may have been floating around that somehow may have concerned myself, so I was sure that if there was something, I would have know of it by now. Her knowledge was well honed and I did not doubt it.

So you can imagine my surprise when my mother said there were a few things that I may want to know before proceeding. Things about Emeripur, aspects of her history that I may not have been aware of, my mother said stealthily.
Apparently, my mother and Aunt Odette had been a little uneasy about my increasing association with Emeripur when she first came to us, for reasons that a little badgering from me made my mother reveal at least in part.
We had nothing substantial, she said, but your Aunt Odette, who supervised all arrival of travelers and was the first to meet them all, had an odd inkling about Emeripur right away. She had all the proper documentation and certification and on paper there seemed nothing amiss. And besides, even if there was, she wouldn’t have paid too much mind because travelers were always a little off on paperwork. They were social people that thought and lived on their feet and made themselves known with their presentable talents and accomplished doings.
It was not quite that, my mother said reflectively, it was more a mix of Emeripur’s impression, the one she made on generally all people, and some of her interactions with other travelers.
It was a feeling, something that could easily be missed, but you know your Aunt, she’s very observant, my mother continued, trying unconsciously to make little of the matter.
And the reason we didn’t think much of it was because after a day or two, whatever oddities there might have been practically vanished. Aunt Odette had only noticed them at first because of her private interview with Emeripur.

As my mother spoke, a shock came to my mind, one not unlike the sudden clarification of a knowledge one has kept for a while, but never realized in such perfect terms before.
Emeripur was never artificial or unlike herself in public, I suddenly thought, almost laughing aloud at the starkness of it all, but she was also never careless!
From nearly the moment that I met Emeripur, I had a sense there was something peculiar or at least special about the way she presented herself, the way she held herself and what she paid attention to.
I now understood perfectly that Emeripur was never not aware that she was being watched, her behavior and manner observed by all around her, unconsciously by regular folk and quite consciously as with my mother and Aunt Odette.
And she was also very skilled at adapting her behavior that it would not seem completely out of proportion or unwarranted.
Eccentric and unusual, yes, and awkward at first sometimes, like when I first met her, but not so extreme that it was completely perverse or unreasonable.
Perhaps the reason that this had not struck me so virulently before, was because I was the only one that grew to know Emeripur as well as I had, and on such intimate levels.
Because I was so attracted to her, emotionally, physically and mentally, I had opened the threshold of my acceptance to allow all unconventionality and quirky behaviors and inflections, both in private and in public. And in turn, guided by the trusting nature of our love, she was completely herself when we were alone together, which was often, unguarded and freely.
But, I then thought sadly, my sudden rush of pride for out love faltering; she had not trusted me enough to tell me her secret, whatever that was.

My mother then said because I loved this foreign woman so much, and she returned my affections, that Odette and she had decided to forgive all past incongruities, letting them go because they were so minor and ephemeral.
But then Emeripur disappeared, and all their suspicions were suddenly thrown under a private light.
My mother warned me that there may indeed be something strange and dangerous about this woman, and that perhaps my health, happiness and even life would be at stake if I truly decided to hunt for her.
It might not be worth it my sweet darling, she told me gently.

But I heart her words and her tone, and knew I was being carefully manipulated out of my decision. I was not about to stand for it, even from my own mother.

No, I said, we love each other and I am willing to stake my life on it. It is my life, mother, I stated firmly, and I’ll do with it what I please. Know that I am not being reckless out of spite, but because of something greater then I could hope to find if I stayed here at home, forgetting our bond, forgoing our love.

My mother paused, nodding.
I though that would be the end of it, but when she continued, even more gently then before I realized she decided to take a different approach.
If I was so sure of Emeripur’s love, then maybe I should trust that she would return to me by her own means, my mother suggested. Perhaps she left the way she did on purpose, to protect you, and you trying to find her is going against everything.

I retort with the idea that maybe Emeripur’s disappearance wasn’t voluntary, but my mother quickly chided that I did not know that for certain, and evidence was more likely to lean on the other side of things. There was no disturbance, nothing was ransacked or removed from its proper place, and there was no evidence of criminal activity, my mother listed.
If it wasn’t for your notions that there was something amiss and her absence over the next few days, everyone might have thought she had taken some solitary time away from stress and pressure before your journey.

Although I did not really think that Emeripur was dragged away against her own will, I did not believe that she simply abandoned me, as my mother had begun to imply.

But I was not angry with my mother; she was relinquishing her child to a fate uncertain, and that would make any mother more then leery.

I thanked her for her insight and contribution to my investigation, both aloud and in private.
Aloud, I had said: thank you for listening to me, mother, and releasing to me your own suspicions on the subject.
Inwardly, I had thought: thank you mother, for helping me understand that I needed to keep the contents of my discovery and the true nature of my search to myself. I realized I also should not share my own deductions with anyone for the moment, if ever.

I could not think that far ahead for I acknowledged that I still knew very little.

But at least now I finally accepted that my prior instincts of discreetness were correct, and that I was to take my next step on the discovery of Emeripur’s secret completely alone.

Before I left my mother, I made the request to contact her associate that was part of the historic society in which I later spent a week investigating.
I had not intention of giving my mother a direct answer as to what I was looking for, but thankfully, she never asked.
I let myself assume that perhaps she thought I was going to research on Emeripur’s guild travelers or something or other as she implied when she asked if I wanted to contact one of Emeripur’s guild kin directly.
To make sure no one suspected, I played this pretense well and asked my mother to see if she could find anyone from Ael-Pyperi that could meet with me.
This was a good diversion for my mother and whoever she sought to employ to help her in this business of helping me (which I knew would turn into a well meant surveillance), and this was why.
There was no one else of Emeripur’s guild kin traveling through the area, that I had already found out, and having a traveler go out of their way, or be removed from the place they were already observing was a somewhat trying task.
It was not the function or the habit of travelers to be under the beck and call of other persons, especially those not travelers, although emergencies were observed.
One could also ask a traveler to deliver something somewhere, or pass on a message, but this was usually only done when the location the traveler had already independently decided to visit happened to be the same direction the post was intended.
Travelers were freepersons, not bound by regulations of any kind but their own, and those customary and unique to varying guilds, although they were usually amiable, decent and by a greater part, trust worthy enough.
They success relied on their personality and social skills, so they were often obliging, but this did not mean they took kindly to being commanded and steered around by other folk. This was common knowledge, so few persons made attempt to do so, partially because travelers were always good entertainment and sources of interests, and people rarely like to spoil their own fun by rudeness or ungracious behavior.
Being courted by travelers also brought the area a dose of good fortune.
If one was interesting enough to intrigue and attract travelers, others would notice and trade and relations with that place would improve and increase.

But in the case of Emeripur’s disappearance, the chance of my mother convincing a probably already engaged member of Emeripur’s guild was slim, though not impossible, would at least take a great deal of time and effort.
Since Emeripur’s guild was already notified of her rather strange disappearance, it would not be considered an emergency to send one of the guild kin to the area by necessity.
One particularly concerned guild kin might already be in route or in the process of being dispatched to the place Emeripur was last seen, but that was not to be known for certain till someone or some message pertaining to such happenings, arrived.

If there was a murder or some ailment on the part of Emeripur, matters would be different, but simply her disappearance with no sign of visible or underhanded crime was not held as particularly urgent.
Travelers were free spirited, liberated in many of their actions, and did not have to explain themselves to their guild kin or their guild in general for non-criminal behavior such as deciding to leave a place they had been courting.
In Emeripur’s case, her guild kin would probably not even be surprised, much less alarmed at her vanished, for she had already spent a long time in a place that in the eyes of many was not very intriguing.

Thus, I knew this would keep mother busy, and out of my affairs, leaving me at peace to explore to all my strange notions.

After obtaining my mothers permission to borrow some money and to meet her contact, I gathered the few things I would need for my journey and made my quick farewells.
All understood, and a few friends of mine offered to help, but I kindly refused their aid. It would be too much of a temptation to let them in on my furtive discoveries and that could jeopardize my quest.
No one would help a person they though improbable and mad, but for a sane, reasonable person needing their own space to make their own discoveries there was always support.

I was no totally unreasonable however.
I asked my mother and Aunt Odette to keep me posted on any response from the Ael-Pyperi guild or any of Emeripur’s guild kin, as well as the local authorities’ notices about possible sightings of or links to Emeripur.

I even asked a few friends of mine that worked in transport to keep an eye out for any sight of Emeripur’s identification appearing upon on any vessels passenger lists, or on any logs of travelers entering the surrounding space camps or planets, or taking long flights far from the region.

Before I left, I combed through all of Emeripur’s things again, choosing which to take away with me and which to leave in storage. I was not expecting to return for some time.
The bangle that had been my first hint had never left my wrist, and along with that other personal effects that were unique to Emeripur went with me.
The reasons for them were both for encouragement and the need to have something of hers with me as well as supporting evidence or further clues to confirm what I might find.

I have just realized I did not dwell much in my account about my emotional state though all this since my reference to my emergence from my original sorrow and depression and my shock of the discovery of the nature of the ring.
After my first bout of giddiness at my decision, a grim determination set in as I made all my arrangement, hiring my transport, making my plans for what I would look for and polishing up all my affairs concerning the home and the people there that I knew I would not see again until I reached my goal, which could be long then I dared to imagine, so I did not even speculate on a possible date of my homecoming.

Yet even now, the thought of homecoming meant more of seeing Emeripur again then of returning to the planet on which I was born and the space camp in which I had lived all my life.

Although my preparation and deliberations took up most of my mind’s time and energy, I still felt the ache in my heart and the rawness of my soul.
On the last day simple this became more and more prevalent, rising higher and higher to the surface of my active consciousness.
I brooded and sat alone in my chalet with a dark look upon my face, and when anyone dared approach me to see the matter or make a suggestion their words irritated me and I barked angrily to be left alone. A few minutes later however, I would regret my harshness, feeling my anger and frustration lift at the thought of my injustice, and rush to comfort and apologize.
Yet after the other’s feelings were soothed and I was alone again I would helplessly revert back to the same state.
I was exasperated with myself without knowing the true reason, for I had kept a steady clamp on my emotions without even realizing it, more out of necessity then inward cruelty, but the said clamp was starting to rust and break.

It was not till the night before I was to depart did I finally release all those suppressed emotions and pent up grief.
Burying my face into my pillow I sobbed without tears, my frustration and my sadness mixing into a form of anguish that only that sort of lament could relieve.

I missed Emeripur so much that my entire chest ached as it broke in on itself with my muffled cries, and a range of emotions brewed with me, hissing to the surface as I let loose all my demons and suffered through my pain.

Thoughts rushed through my mind that had I been a different person, perhaps I would have been angry at Emeripur, for leaving me alone in this world, deprived of her love and clueless to where she might be and if she was safe or in peril.

I was no less grieving for her absence, but not a new element was introduced into my heart that had no been there in the initial bereavement of her disappearance.
Now I knew there were secrets, and that it was most probable that those secrets led her away from my love, my mind and my arms, and I had no real idea as to their nature.

The frustration now mingled with my sorrow, but it did not break me, or separate my will from my body as my earlier mourning had threatened to do so irrevocably.
Instead every note of my solitary dirge filled me with determination and fortitude to follow through my resolve no matter how much effort and time it would take.

This was not a warmly comforting though, but it was enough to focus me and hone my mind and my spirit into springing to life, accumulating all my natural resources and talents into ingenuity of mind and empowerment of heart.

After my cries had subsided and I lay awake thinking of Emeripur, not daring to let myself dwell on the possibilities of her disappearance for fear of not being able to sleep at all that night and rising haggard and ill prepared for a journey that would require great manifestation of mind.
As my thoughts wandered loosely, dipping into various memories and impressions, I felt a presence outside my chalet and soon heard a rap at my entry flap.
I rose cautiously, hoping that maybe it could be my love and yet feeling that hope sink as quickly as it rose for I knew to whom that particular rap belonged.

My mother’s mate entered and in silence we stole to the solitary lamp I had left on the low table near the window pane.

When the low illumination bathed our faces in a warm glow and shadows, we sat on the lightly cushioned floor mat and gazed at each other, feeling it unnecessary to murmur greetings.

Knowingly, Aledrael put his hand on the round of my left shoulder, the corners of his mouth turning up with a kindness that turned his weathered face into a warm canvas that I had grown so fond of.

So, you are leaving to find you love, all cost and caution cast aside like the sailors of old time that followed the uncertain path of discovery, he said in his low tones that were always so eloquent to me.
He did not state this as a question, but as a thing of truth, a fact, and immediately I knew he did not come here for a final attempt to discourage me or plant doubts in my resolve.

I smiled, finding this more encouraging then anything else, I reached for his wrist in both thanks and camaraderie.

Yes, you understand, Aledrael; I whispered hoarsely, my throat dry from not having spoken any sensible word all evening.

I had called him by his name, and not his title “mate of my mother” or “lover of my mother” and I knew that touched him even though I had taken to doing that for a while, more when we were alone of course but in public times as well.

He was a good man, and I respected him and loved him, and did not feel that it was his constant duty anymore to prove to me that he was not only worthy of my mother but of me, as was customary in the beginning, and sometimes traditional for all the time of the love and union.
My calling him by his title would signify that he was still in that debt, but I felt that he had earned our love, and more so deserve it.
It was an honor I may not have paid others in his place, but I knew Aledrael, and that he was worthy.

As we sat together, I did not feel that same pressure on my heart to divulge my secret information on Emeripur. There was never anything pressuring about Aledrael, though he had attracted my confidence more then once, not by anything he did or didn’t say, but by my conscious choice reveal to him something private.
I never had a relationship that was like the sort I had with Aledrael, not even with Emeripur, to whom there was no question of whether I tell or do not tell.
I never felt any compunction about disclosing things to her.

It was true Aledrael and I held a unique relationship, and perhaps it was this reason for why I told him the truth.

I did not explain everything in great detail as I am now to you, for not only did Aledrael already know the circumstances, both general and some intimate, but because I had a distinct feeling Aledrael was not completely out of the loop on other, more obscure things that I was sure no one else would guess about my discoveries.

I found out after I told him that although he had vague suspicions, he had not deducted everything.
That made no different to me however.
I felt that I could trust him, knowing there would be no judgment for me to endure. Even if he had his doubts, he would reserve all till the end, not only of our discussion or the resolve of my situation, but till the end of time.

The ring, Aledrael, her ring, is too strange to be in existence, I said softly, but not without conviction.
And the knowledge that she is wearing it now, wherever she is, is even more disturbing, I concluded, shielding my eyes fearing the turmoil within them would alarm Aledrael.

Aledrael was quiet and thoughtful, but when he raised my chin from where it had fallen in thought on my chest to look into my eyes, I knew he did not disbelieve me completely, maybe not at all.

So you will go to this place you are leaving for to discover if it might be possible that ring could have survived and this is all the product of anxiety and questions about your love’s disappearance, he asked gently.

I nodded, for it was the truth, although I privately doubted I would find anything to disprove what I already assumed.

He nodded back firmly, his eyes clouding stormily as he set his jaw in an expression he had never made before, at least, I realized, not in my presence.

Then I felt I understood.

That’s partially my alibi Aledrael, I whispered, a sort of slyness slinking into my face that I could not help.

The never-before-seen face on Aledrael broke, and he smiled, not broadly, but enough to reassure me.
Well, I shouldn’t have expected any less, but I worried, he spoke firmly, but not unkindly.
I don’t know what all this means or what it holds for you and Emeripur, but I do know that reason and logic aren’t going to help you alone, he continued.
In strange matters like this you must use what our ancestors called ‘the method of nature’, he concluded, resting his palms up on his knees in tranquil form.

The following things he said to me were some of the most important I had ever heard in my life.
Without them, my journey would have been more arduous and shaking then it was, for when in question, I found myself diverting to the advice given to me by Aledrael, the unlikely wise man whose words I found easy to listen to and easier to recall in times of trouble then that my own mother, who although a loving and nourishing presence in my heart, presented more complication in such a matter then support.

This is what he had said, as faithfully as I recall:
The method of nature is not like that of logic. It will be difficult, straining and strange but the benefits and the results will lead you where no amount of reason ever could, or ever did.
You will have to be more tolerant and more fluid in your perceptions, not only of what is wrong, right, proper, possible, but of what is real, no matter how trifling or warped it seems at first.
You must observe, not only your surrounding, various information and people you encounter, but yourself as well. Listen to the signals of your body and respond, asking questions of your flesh and its signals. If it is uncomfortable, it may be most important, but not always. You have to learn to know yourself more intimately then ever before.
Pay attention to the hints of your mind: visions, day dreams, night dreams, images, and make inquiries to of them as well.
Like in love, you must trust and explore new ways, but that doesn’t mean you should give up your power or subject yourself to forms of behavior that lead you no were or trap you in a constant whirlpool of repetition.
Remember, there is something to be gleaned from everything. That is a broad way of thinking that will remind you not to let little things that might be vital slip by without your notice.
Your will and desire are strong, and you have made a bold decision. Your love is mighty enough to bring forth devotion and stir all that within you, and so it is strong enough to dip into the nether reaches of this existence to help you, aid you in your quest. It is a reward, although sometimes it might seem a curse, because it is great and difficult to bear at the beginning especially.
I don’t know where you go child, but you go willingly and with courage so whatever it is, it will not lead you to far off the path of happiness. Believe it, I do.

That was what he said, and that was what I remember, though I did not always employ it right away.
Sometimes it took time for things to ferment before I recognized them for what they were. But Aledrael had planted a seed of possibility and alternative way to discovery in me, so I found that most important in developing my skill by way of the ‘method of nature’.

En route to the historic society establishment at a space center a few moon turns away, when there was little I could do but think and rest, I found myself having many dreams, each and every time I went to sleep.
I dreamed regularly, one could say, but not always, and I usually remember my dreams, although again, not every time.
But this was nothing like before.

Ever since my decision to find Emeripur my nights were bombarded with dreams, strange visions, and more often then not, nightmares.

Disturbing they were, outlandish and luridly vivid and by turn dark and cryptic.
Each time I awoke I would be haunting by the shadows from my sleep.
I would feel my face pale and dry shivers awake upon on my skin from sudden sensation returning, for it was as if my body was held tense throughout what was supposed to be my rest.
Sleep was far from restful.
I had not once slipped into delightful, calming oblivion, and nor was I comforted with light or pleasant visions.
Every dream seemed pregnant, full of some force that was relieved only in disconcerting images, unsettling sensation and happenings in the scene itself.

But like the first dream of this sort that I had, the one that prompted me to begin my original search that lead me to the bangle bracelet, there were streaks of Emeripur in nearly every dream.
Like a lightning in a storm, thin and quick, but not threatening and rupturing, came images and feeling that taste of Emeripur, sweet and beloved, that were so cherished by my heart and mind that I was willing to endure all the horrible rest of my dream with the knowledge that there would be a dapple of Emeripur within.

There was more to these dreams that just the comfort of Emeripur, I was later to discover for myself, but that was to come.
Just like my
So on my last day with the historical society, I had come to the point where I must decide where to proceed next on my journey.
I refused to return home, knowing I would find nothing there anymore for the moment, needing to choose a direction into which to go.
Vague ideas of going to some place that was known to be a hub or meeting place of Emeripur’s guild, the Ael-Pyperi, crossed my mind, and divining no other prospects I decided to do just that.
If I could not have Emeripur’s guild kin come to me, I would come to them.

I had mentioned prior to now that my search seemed to be going slowly because I was so unadvertised, and here is

After hiring transport that was bound for the destination that was reputed to be frequented by her guild, I found myself in transit again, waiting.
This was the perfect time to go over my information and let my thoughts wander to varying possibilities, and inevitable, my mind turned to the hidden thoughts that had been lurking patiently in the quieted sector of my mind.

I had found nothing to prove to me that the unique, mystifying ring that was Emeripur’s had any business belonging in presence of any place in this universe.

The chanceful theory that was the partial culprit in my dramatic and violent reaction to the knowledge of the ring, the very same that had kept itself in my mind but refused to display itself on the frontier, was now stepping forth, gingerly, but free and with the courage of knowing it now had the right to be observed and heard out.

I wasn’t sure if I was prepared, but I didn’t care.
It had come to this.
I attempted to disprove the probability of this being possible, but that had failed.

There was no way that Emeripur’s ring was a duplicate, I was firmly convinced of that for myself.
I poured over that image, at every angle, at every magnification, but all it took was one look into that stone to know the truth.
Of the stone itself, I found had no name that was known or recorded, and that it could not be reproduced to the like by any of the jewelers, ornament artists, reproduction makers of the lowest and highest degree that I made time to contact while at the historic society.

All the experts of culture, ancient history, ancient science, and modern recreators agree that this ring was a vision of an unknown past, and that was all.

And I believed them, complete and utterly.
Wholeheartedly I thanked them and agreed that their expertise had no match.

This ring was made of the present, of course not.
It was from the past.
That is what this ring was.

And now it came to it, as I sat on the cot, gazing out into the infinite reaches of beautiful, wonderful, beloved space.

This ring was of the past.
And that is exactly where it came from.

A shiver rushed through me as I thought this, and my eyes immediately became moist and a tautness gathering all my skin alerted me that I had struck the spring deep in my investigation.
My body’s reaction to this was profound, and it brought a measure of ease from panic to my consciousness and enlightenment and fluidity to my mind.

Emeripur was gone, and I was ready to believe anything, take under consideration everything to restore each other to one another.
I trusted my heart at this moment more then anything, and that is what is what it sang to me in bold and encouraging tones.

This ring was of the past, and that is exactly where it came from, I whispered to myself in my mind again.

If this is so, that means Emeripur was able to retrieve it from the past somehow, for I knew her to be human and no human in existence could live that long, ever had lived that long.

That means there was a way.
There was a way to go to the past, and to exist there and to return.
Perhaps this time and place that was always the present to me could to Emeripur be the future and the past as well as the present.

Time travel, I was thinking of time travel.
Such an idea, such a possibility was alright and fun in stories, but it being an actuality in my time, and so close to me was staggering to behold.

A rush of this sudden idea bathed all of my insides, my mind, my spirit and my heart, and I simply fell back in awe of it all.

It was indeed possible, and Emeripur was the proof of it!
By all of space, I exclaimed to an empty compartment.

Emeripur’s sudden and unexplained disappearance, the impossible origins of the ring, the oddities noticed by my mother and Aunt Odette all formed a circle at the center of which was one thing: Emeripur was not completely of this age in time.

Relief flooded to me, and tears threatened to make their way past the surface of my eyes.
My love, the woman that I so desperately love, she is a time traveler! She did not desert me and she was not forced away!
She is a beautiful extraordinary woman that—

Suddenly, I broke off as my eyes and nose stung and another shiver of stark realization broke though me.

A woman that I might never see again, was the ending to my thought.

No, this is not possible! We are in love! Emeripur would not abandon me!
I doubled over, my head between my knees, nearly consumed by the franticness of my thoughts.

Then the prickling questions came.
What drove her away? Why did she disappear? Where did she go, by all of space where is she?

My sudden panic attack faltered, and I remembered my earlier resolve.
This does not change anything, I told myself. I will find her.
In all of space and in all of time, where ever she is, I will find her!
I will bring myself to her, if only to ask her if she still loves me, and if she still wants to be with me.
I could not admit to myself that her answer might be no.

For a moment, all conceivable doubts threatened to change that courageous frame of mind.

She left, with no reason and no hint or message. She left me so abruptly, with worries and anxiety over her safety and whether or not she would ever return. If she did it by her own means and was no forced to do so, how could she be so cruel? Did she not care? Did she not hold affection for me?

And then I remember her when she told me she loved me, her face especially, dewy and sweet with those wide, moist eyes and rosy petals for well formed lips.
All the memories of when we made love and when our lips met with the tender, delicate kisses of youth came to be so lucidly, so movingly that I could not deny the sensations that followed.

And in that moment of faith, I realized that she had left me a hint.
The ring, that odd little ring and the bangle and when she wore each was all a hint!
Emeripur knew the impression it made on me, she knew I would not forget it.

Shivers now completely enveloped my body, my eyes stung again and this time tears of such dramatic recognition and joy refused to be denied, rolling down my cheeks and into my parted mouth, letting me taste their dilute saltiness.

An even more profound understanding reached me!
The wretched photaining! That unlikely, rare photaining that was my very first clue! The very one survived under those odd means, smuggled out of that destroyed base, the only one in the entire album!

If it were arranged, especially by someone who had the means to travel though time, why all those incongruities and seemingly strokes of luck would make sense!

All my body was tingling and shaking and I laughed in such a fantastic manner, such as I never had before.
Relief and madness, it seemed to me at that moment, danced hand in hand together.

Suddenly I sat bolt straight, my face quivering with a sudden idea.
Now if Emeripur was able to leave this clue, then maybe there are others.
I could search for hints of her in time! Blasted time! History!

Maybe the place where I most needed to be, I had just left!
The historic society was a place where I could browse though all of history in search for my Emeripur.
But, my excitement sank into a watery deep; history was far stretching and broad. Where would I look, and what for?

The question of what for tickled my in more way then one.
So Emeripur had left me a hint, granted, but what for?
Out of the three things I though she had left without leaving me, I had one, the hint.
But where were the reason and the message?

And then a darker thought came to me.
All my face stung again, relief a distant memory.
My dreams, my erratic, perverse, disturbing, leering nightmares, where they a message, a subliminal message?

Horror struck my face and for the first time since I reconciled with myself that Emeripur was no returning, I felt utterly at a loss.

The thought of Aledrael’s advice, however, returned to rescue me.

You will have to be more tolerant and more fluid in your perceptions, not only of what is wrong, right, proper, possible, but of what is real, no matter how trifling or warped it seems at first, were his words.

I had already managed to accept that time travel was possible, and that it all fit in properly and for the most part what ideas about Emeripur’s disappearance were wrong or right.

Perhaps my dreams were also not what they appeared to be, much like the other aspects of my situation.

But now, I recognized, I would have to distinguish between reality and place holders that served the purpose of only carrying the message across to me in the medium of dreamery.

My dreams were a message, or at least part of it, and I would have to discover what they were.
I knew where to look, that was history, but I knew not what to look for in particular and how.
If I could accomplish all that, therein might lay the reason.
And, I fervently hoped, I might discover a way to be with Emeripur again, or at least to contact her at least once more.
It made my heart ache that although I might somehow, sometime, uncover the reason for her vanishing, I might also never see her again.
And I knew that I would always love and a life without her was torture.

I was not prepared to accept defeat, I told myself.
In fact, I refused to.
I will die broken, right here right now, rather then not doggedly strive to reach my love, no matter what it takes.
That is what I set out to do, and that is what I will do.

Wherever you are Emeripur, I whispered to the space with-out, know that we had found each other in the first place, against the gradient of ever flowing time, and that alone is precious, that alone is valuable beyond measure. But most of all remember that I love you, and I have known you and you became a part of me, and I will not abandon the happiness of our lives to an eternity of not knowing and separation.

I decided that I would continue on to the place of the Ael-Pyperi guild.
Perhaps there I could discover something that would help in my search for a reason and the way to decipher any message that Emeripur might have left me.

I had only faith and my own seemingly warped conclusion as a means.
And I had my love, love for Emeripur and the knowledge that she had given hers to me in return.

When I closed my eyes after this exhausting ordeal I dreamt in peace.
I saw no gnashing, disconcerting images of terror and darkness, but slipped into a soothing slumber in which I dreamt I was in her arms, hearing her heart beat, feeling her skin and the fluttering of her every breath.

I wept and I smiled and I had never been happier before so in sleep.
And then I woke up.