The day I died

The day I died.

I remember that day clearly. It was a beautiful day, the sky was blue, the sun shone brightly even the birds were chirpier than usual until my life flashed before me and I knew this was the end.

I guess I better start from the beginning. I was only 16 at that time. My family had recently moved to Miami from New York because of my Dad’s new advertising job. Mom was writing a book so she didn’t care where we lived as long as she got her peace and quiet. That leaves me and my younger brother, Henry. We weren’t too happy about moving but when you’re told you don’t have a choice so there’s little else that you can do.

Henry and I had always been close and got along great. I guess he thought of me as a Mom/Dad replacement since they were always too busy. He was a great kid for a 12 year old. He and I went to a private school where we lived before. Here my parents had no idea about the schools in our neighborhood or maybe they were just didn’t bother to find out. I never asked. Anyways I joined the high school in our area and Henry the middle school.

School was a mess. Nobody likes the new guy that’s all I could understand. On my first day all I got were taunts and comments on my clothes and designer gear. So my folks had money and this was the way I had always dressed, that’s not everyone else’s problem right? Wrong. Having something that others don’t and flaunting it in front of them makes them want it more. And flaunt was what I did.

At home my parents were too busy to notice my change in attitude. I was grumpy all the time. I didn’t even hang around with my family and pretty much stayed in my room. I became mean to my brother who I guess wanted me to be there for him, going to a new school was hard for him too. He missed all his friends. I was too busy thinking of my self to be there for him. The more I ignored him the more he needed me. I didn’t care, my life was already hell.

Days went by, I found myself sitting alone in the cafeteria. This one girl came up to me and introduced herself as Melissa. She was cute a little nerdy but definitely cute. She was one of the few people who talked to me so I was grateful for the company. She was a very nice person. I knew she was special, she actually understood how I felt being invisible to the whole school. I mean a whole month had gone by and I hadn’t even tried for anything that I did in New York, like football and acting in school plays. Henry liked her too. He told her that ever since I met her I had begun acting like myself again. I guess I must have since I began bonding with my brother again.

Anyhow one day I was sitting there eating lunch alone, Melissa hadn’t come that day, when a bunch of guys approached me. They introduced themselves and it turns out they were in a few of my classes. They were football jocks and wondered if I wanted to hangout with them, maybe even try out for the team. The guy who approached me was the team captain, Jason. He seemed a little rough, in fact they all did and looked more like street fighters than jocks. But what do I care, I was glad that someone else was talking to me! I agreed especially since I had played for my old school.

After school we started hanging out together. Melissa told me those guys were trouble but then again she wouldn’t really know, I mean she doesn’t know those people. So we just fell apart. With the guys it started out with just playing football. We’d go out to grab a bite after practice. Since jocks were a big deal at my high school, people started noticing me and suddenly I was one of the cool kids! From an unknown freak to a sudden Mr. Popular struck me as hilarious but man I loved all the attention! Girls were all over me. I never had this sort of power over people before. I mean I wasn’t a geek at my old school but I wasn’t exactly the most wanted either.

Back at home Henry was going through something similar. His new school was really different. The kids there weren’t from really well off families and he went through the same thing that I did except with kids it gets worse. Later on I found that kids there were too mature for their age. Cursing, doping, smoking and even drinking were considered cool. He needed someone older to help him out with the peer pressure. He always came to me for advice when we lived in New York but now I never really had time for him. I mean I still loved him more than anything but I had things to do, people to see that kind of stuff. Things hadn’t changed for him, he still thought of me as the trusting and caring older brother that he always had. Unconsciously he started copying me, dressing and talking like me. I guess he wanted to be one of the cool kids too.

So it all began one day when Jason came up to me and said he needed to borrow some money to buy his mom a birthday present. This other guy Liam needed some too I dont remember why but since I always had cash I was like sure no problem and they promised to pay back too. Well time went by and no word about the money from them. I mean $300 is a big deal. So one day I casually mentioned to them that they still had to pay me back. Jason got a little flustered and then said yeah he’ll pay me back real soon. Liam just invited me to this jock party his friends were having that Saturday. I agreed to come.

Saturday came, since I owned a car, I picked them up and we headed to the party. When we got there I saw that most people were drunk or trying very hard to get drunk. Some were even lighting up. Jason took a funny looking cigarette from some guy and started smoking it. He blew out the smoke and handed me one too. I told him I don’t smoke but he said its not a normal cigarette but its actually a new stress reliever. I don’t know why I bought that dumb story. I’m not stupid but I guess a part of me wanted to do what the cool people did and I did after all fulfill my moral obligation of declining. I took a puff and was immediately overwhelmed by the smoke and its smell. I started coughing. The guys around me laughed and looked at each other knowingly. And just like that I got hit with this weird sensation like I was floating in air. I felt so relaxed and free. They called it ‘wigarette’ cause it wasn’t really a cigarette it was weed so they coined it ‘wigarette’. From then on I was hooked. I knew doing drugs was bad for me. I even knew the damage it was causing to my body and especially to my brain but I didn’t care. I never wanted this feeling to go away. I drove home totally stoned.

Next day Melissa came over, I was still sleeping but Henry banged open my door. I had the worst of headaches then. She had come by to return a book she had borrowed. More likely to give me lecture because that’s what she started doing. She fed me the same lines how those guys were messed up and involved into stuff most of us stayed away from. She kept on telling me about how this was affecting Henry and how he looked up to me. Turns out the little freak had been tattling about me to her! All this was stressing me out so as she continued to talk I took out those ‘wigarettes’. I got them in exchange for the money I lent Liam and Jason. I lit up and blew smoke all over her face. She was totally shocked! She just stood up and went to the door. Before she left she looked at me and said that I’m not only messing with my life but ruining Henry’s as well and that she hoped I came to my senses before something bad happened. I told her to get out. I thought how can I be ruining Henry’s life? He was a good kid and doesn’t need me to baby-sit him. He knows what’s right and what’s wrong. So did I, my inner voice finally spoke. I shut it out by saying Henry’s smart and wouldn’t do anything wrong.

I didn’t notice it then but now I remember that around that time Henry became acting weird too. He got irritated at the tiniest of issues and he had started cursing a lot. Anyhow my doping habits continued and I started spending a lot of money on them. Not only that, my friends used to borrow from me all the time, forgetting to pay back. Still I loved my life and thought I had the greatest friends until that fateful day.

My grandfather suffered a heart attack. Our parents had to leave for New York right away to see him. Mom left some money for me and told me they’d be back in two weeks. To me it was more cash for more dope. Within two days I wiped out the money. I hadn’t become an addict but I still craved for a smoke every so often so I called Jason and asked him for some money for those wigarettes. He said no straight out. I became angry, I told him I just needed it for a little while, and I’d return it as soon as my parents came back. He laughed and said that’s his line that I was using, nobody pays back money. I didn’t even know what to say to that when he said that I should ask Henry for the dope since he’s been buying a lot from him, he then laughed and hung up. I stood with the phone in my hands for what felt like hours. I couldn’t believe what he had just said. My baby brother Henry? No it couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t.

I ran down the hall to his room and barged in without knocking. There was my 12 year old brother lying down in his bed puffing out smoke from the wigarette. That day I died. I knew this would never have happened if I had paid attention to him. If only I hadn’t suddenly become obsessed with popularity and fitting in. I couldn’t blame my parents as instinctively they had left Henry to me even in New York. I was supposed to be more than his older brother. Henry just stared at me and continued to smoke I didn’t know what to say or to do. I just snatched the cigarette from him; burned it out and left his room.

I stood outside his door crying, I couldn’t believe that Melissa had been right. I was ruining Henry’s life and my own. Obviously if I had reacted this way to my brothers smoking then I shouldn’t be doing this at all. I called Melissa and apologized to her. She forgave me and seems like she was waiting for my call. I told her all that had happened and asked her for help. She came over and gave me support for my confrontation with Henry. Then together we went to Henry’s room. There was a lot of shouting, crying and apologizing but in the end things became better.

I stopped hanging out with my so called friends. They didn’t seem to care, they must have needed me mainly for money. Now they didn’t even remember I existed. Probably got another dumb rich kid to get money from. At least I hadn’t joined the football team so I didn’t have to look at them everyday. I did, however, join the drama club along with Melissa and tried out for the base ball team as well. Turns out I’m a natural. Melissa and I started going out. I could never forget that she was there for me even after I was horrible to her. Turns out I was right, she really was a special girl.

My parents came back a few days later with good news that my grandfather was doing just fine. They never noticed that Henry and I were hanging out together again, a little more than usual as I wanted to keep an eye on him, didn’t want him to fall back on his smoking habit. I started playing games with him again, games that I hated. He knew of course what I was up to. I could see it in the way he looked and smiled at me. He understood that this time around he would always have his brother with him no matter what. And I looked at him realizing that the day I died I saved my little brother and that’s all that matters.