A Man of Some Imagination

A Man of Some Imagination

“Do you know,” said Dora Fitchet, to Elspeth Emsworthy, “Our new accountant seems to be a man of some imagination.” “Why?” asked Elspeth. Why indeed? Dora considered the question for a minute. A good many things can be implied in a “Why?” And knowing Elspeth it could encompass all this and more besides.

It was “Black Monday”, as they had nicknamed the day on which the pair of them met over the coffee-break, to discuss the agenda for their fortnightly meeting (on the Tuesday following) of the “Women on the March”. By that time the coffee had grown cold, the agenda finished, and the conversation turned to sundry matters.

Dora was a personable young lady, accustomed to get whatsoever she set her sights on. Her friends regarded Dora as being flighty, for though Dora had several young men dangling after her, she would chose none of them; but instead would fall violently in love with one of them for about a month, and then just as violently hate him in the month following.

Her latest acquisition was Frank Wentworth, the Financial Controller, who until six months ago had been widely regarded as a man of sound principles and solid outlook, likely to take over as the Managing Director in the not so distant future. His downfall occurred following the train of events set in motion by the sudden death of the Accountant-in-Chief (a slightly grandiose title for a person whose sole following consisted of an army of account clerks and data entry operators). For Mr. Wentworth was forced to act as the liaison officer between the Accounts Department and the Computer Unit, until a suitable substitute was found.

The suitable substitute was long in coming, for none could get along with the Computer Unit (which consisted chiefly of Dora). The late Accountant-in-Chief had sat on the Committee of the “League of Women on the March”, and her demise was solely due to an unfortunate motor accident, and not age. She had been content to accept direction from Dora without a murmur; but the male chauvinists who had followed her had not seen fit to do so. One by one they had proved to be narrow-minded, obdurate and totally ignorant of how a computer processes data. Dora had on her side proven results-getting-ability, and of course Frank.

Her enemies said that Dora would be a millstone around Frank's neck, if he was fool enough to marry her; but her friends said that it would be Dora who would be the loser. Frank, they said, was a dull stodgy individual, who could talk of nothing but accounts; who moreover persisted in pursuing a hopeless suit, though Dora had in no uncertain terms had told him what exactly she thought of him. So the situation remained until the advent of Harry Higgins.


The minute was over; and Elspeth got angry if she was kept waiting for more than one minute. “Why?” echoed Dora some¬what nervously, “He has already suggested three innovations to the Computer Unit, two of them admittedly rather hair-brained; but there is something to be considered in the third one…” “Well what is so marvellous about it?” Elspeth cut in rudely, her worst suspicions confirmed. Obviously Dora was in love again; and love, Elspeth thought, was somewhat beneath the consideration of the secretary to the “League of Women on the March”. (Elspeth was the president.) In fact it was beneath even contemplation of all women, who were not absolute mutts, or so she thought.

Elspeth Emsworthy at forty years of age had obtained the enviable position of company secretary, to the firm “Data Services Increments Ltd.” Trained as a lawyer originally, she still maintained the traditional cut and dried approach of such ilk to any problem. Possessing as she has had from infancy almost, the conviction that given the opportunity, women can prove themselves vastly superior to men, she made it a point of honour to side with Dora in the her running feud with the male chauvinistic Accounts Department; but never failed to express her disapproval when Dora fell in love.

Dora like the good girl she was, always heeded Elspeth in the end; partly due to tiring soon of the loved object, and partly out of conviction that when Mr. Right came along Elspeth would see the light and capitulate gracefully. Elspeth, though not totally unaware of Dora's sentiments in this regard, was determined to keep Dora from getting entangled in Matrimonial Coils. Moreover, as she knew, Dora's lasting passion was with computers. In the case of Dora, Elspeth thought, Love combined with Computers was not a good thing. So it was with considerable trepidation that she asked, “What kind of proposal was it?”

“Why, he suggested that instead of rewriting the programs every time a new account is opened, we should create a Universal Bookkeeping Package that would allow the insertion of a new account (or the deletion of an old one) be done by just running the relevant part of the package. He even went into details.” Here Dora paused and then added quite irrelevantly, “Not only is he a quite a sensible man with lots of brains, but quite nice looking too.”

This was really bad. Elspeth clutched at the proverbial last straw. “Dora dear, be careful. The man is a Casanova. Why, only the other day, I saw him go down the road holding hands with a girl. Quite a dumb beauty she looked too.” This was gross slander, besides being trumps. True, Elspeth had seen Mr. Higgins in the company of a female form. But as for being dumb or beautiful, she was too far away for Elspeth to judge; and he certainly was not holding hands with her. But as they say, all is fair in love and war, and this was definitely a bit of both, especially war.

Dora, as Elspeth was well aware, was very jealous of her men friends. In fact, the reason for breaking-off with her former boyfriends in almost every case was (as Dora put it) unfaithfulness. However this time Dora only smiled; just such a smile as a cat would have smiled when it espied the cream on the top shelf. Time was running out…

Elspeth had never thought that the Day would come; but now the exigency was such that Elspeth Emsworthy simply had to enlist the support of Frank Wentworth on her side, or perish in her crusade. So we see her inching thither at the first available opportunity.

That worthy showed anything but pleasure at this intrusion on his privacy. The lady after making sure that the doors had been secured, seated herself in the best armchair available – completely uninvited, of course!

“Well Miss Emsworthy, what can I do for you? Are you trying to say that my policies are driving our company onto the rocks? Or…” Elspeth was in no mood for indulging in levity. “The reason I am here is to put it bluntly…” started Elspeth hesitantly. “You never was subtle, my dear Elspeth” interrupted Frank rather rudely. But Elspeth ignored him. “It is Dora. Dora and Higgins.” “Well what of it?”

There was nothing for it, but to take the plunge. Elspeth took it. “Well you see, Dora has fallen in love with that bounder Harry. So unless you do something about it at once, you will very likely lose her forever.”

“And since when have you been so concerned with my welfare? If my information is correct (which it usually is), you were one of my chief detractors with her...” It was Elspeth's turn to be discomfited. “Let us not engage in useless recriminations, Mr. Wentworth,” she said in tones of her very best in cold politeness, “Unless you do something about it at once, she will be married to him in no time.”

“Oh, No!” said Frank cheerfully, “There is no danger of that. Unless she is prepared to see him in jail for commitment of bigamy.” “Bigamy! What do you mean?” “I mean that Henry is married. Do you think that when I held the power of veto at the interview board, I would allow a man of Henry's personality and charm, to be employed in a position of direct dealing with Dora, if he is not safely shackled elsewhere?”

“Married! You mean to say that he really is a Casanova! And you are going to stand by and let that poor young thing, that poor innocent child be seduced!” “Young, Dora certainly is, and innocent also; but certainly not a child. I am not a cradle-snatcher.” “That is not the point. You are going to let him seduce her.” “And whose fault would that be, if he did so? It wouldn't have been so, if you had not…”

“I did right in keeping you off her, you unfeeling brute! Perhaps you are in it together. It must have been you who suggested to Higgins that Dora would be interested in innovations to the running of the Computer Department, provided her authority is not challenged. It must have been you…”

“Forgive me, my dear Elspeth,” interspersed Frank calmly. “Let me point out just two things. Firstly, a man who suggests a few innovations in her work to a girl is not necessarily hell-bent on seducing her. Secondly, I would like to have the use of my room to myself as soon as possible.” “You can have it now, SIR!” retorted Elspeth, and stalked out.

Frank heaved a sigh of relief and closed his eyes; but not for long. Harry Higgins, the cause of all this trouble came along. “Whew! What a whirlwind!” said Harry, “Why did old Elspeth look so angry?” “Well it was partly due to you” “Me? Why, I have hardly spoken to her apart from a few dozen words when we first met; and giving a greeting or two, when we meet in the corridor. My impression of her has been that she regards me to be slightly beneath her notice.”

“No, it has nothing to do with anything you have ever told her. Done is more likely! Sit down please,” said Frank indicating a chair and closing the door, “Tell me Harry, what do you think of our Dora? Have you any matrimonial intentions with regard to her, legitimate or otherwise?”

“Oh Dora! She is an adorable girl! Only, I am already well provided with an adorable wife who has given me two adorable children. And, I certainly don't want to lose my family…” “Quite, I am aware of that last point. Then I take it, that you are aware of her partiality towards you?”

“Yes, I made some suggestions to her about her work. Well one thing lead to another… Now I find myself buying her coffee at the canteen, and so on, and in general spending more and more time with her without quite intending it. Only, I don't want to hurt her feelings. I really don't know how to extricate myself from this… If Rosalee gets to know about this, there would be hell to pay.” “Precisely, my dear fellow. Then you have no designs on her virtue, I take it; but rather you would like to advance her happiness without getting directly involved.” “Yes, that's right,” agreed Harry, “She sure would make a fine wife for anybody worthy of her. Especially so, (if you would pardon the suggestion), if she can be weaned away from that Elspeth woman.”

“Then my dear boy, we are agreed on many points. I can tell you a way out of your dilemma. Listen…” Frank leaned forward and whispered in Harry's ear. “… and I am sure that a man of your imagination and talent would be able to supply the necessary details.” he finished.

Some hours hence, we see Harry in his office, bending over the latest variance reports. He hears a knock, and in walks Dora, her eyes dancing with excitement. “Oh, Harry, I have already drafted a section of the program for our Universal Accounts System. I thought you would like to see it.”

“I am always glad to see you at any time, Dora dear.” “Oh! Do you really?” said Dora blushing with pleasure. “Yes, I do, my Love. What a beautiful girl you are, you are. Oh, lovely Dora, …” he sang. “With apologies to Edward Lear?” laughed Dora, “But my Elegant Fowl, when do I get the ring?” “Hush, my Darling, not so fast...” he stammered, “I first have to get a divorce from my wife, before I officially do so.”

“Married!” cried out poor Dora, “I thought you loved me.” “I do. Besides” said Frank gaining confidence, “My Existing Marriage is No Permanent Bar to Our Union. My nuptial contracts always provide for such situations. If one of us is guilty of misconduct…” “Your nuptial agreements! How many have you already had?” “Oh,” replied Harry carelessly, “About seven or eight. Now Dora, don't be silly. There's going to be no problem. All you have to do is…” And he leaned forward and whispered to blushing Dora. I think we'd better leave them for now.

It was Black Monday again, and our two heroines were at their ritual coffee party. “It is no use,” Dora was saying mournfully, “First, I have to get myself pregnant. Then I am secure only until his latest mistress produces a child. Anyway how can I?” “Didn't I tell you, that man is no good!” exclaimed Elspeth triumphantly, “You did well in giving him the brush off.” “Yes, I have decided that my dealings with him in future would be confined strictly to business matters. Yet, he seemed such a nice man...” sighed Dora, “Well that is Life I suppose.” “Well I never thought that he was so nice. Handsome yes, personable perhaps, but not really that nice.”

“Err… By the way,” interrupted Dora somewhat nervously, for she still valued Elspeth's good opinion, “I have got engaged to be married to Frank Wentworth”. Elspeth was stunned. Seizing the opportunity, Dora went on ruminatively, “Come next June, when the roses are in bloom…” when an explosion erupted from her friend. “Frank! Frank Wentworth! Why, the man has no imagination whatsoever!” “Precisely,” replied Dora with some asperity, “My dear, I have come to the conclusion that contracting an alliance with such a man is so much safer. At any rate, he is not a serial monogamist! Or even a bit of a bigamist... I am sure that I will be very happy with Frank! Besides he has got tons of money... Practically lorry-loads! And guess what? You are going to be my witness! It is going to be all quite legal, cut and dried... with all the t-s crossed and the i-s dotted... And Elspeth dear, please don’t faint!”

By Priyanthi Wickramasuriya
(First written around 1986, polished up to final form on 22 May 2006)