Just Here

I'm caught up in that place between Heaven and Hell. Being pulled in different directions, and not knowing whether up is down, or left is right. Shut up in my own head because shit is too hard to maintain or relate to. Too afraid of making yet another mistake in a bottomless pit of mistakes. Take a number, your next in line to be caught up in my sweet chaos. Say what? You want me? For what? Nigga don't you know I will fuck you up? Leave you to dwell on Dat Chick you compare all the other girls to. Quit playin'. I know I'm talking shit. Can't even get with the one I luv. Too afraid that I might fuck him up.

My mind is gone. It ain't here no more. Done used and abused it to no end. Packed up and left a vacancy sign. Letting all know who come close that luv is a drug, are you ready to get hooked? I know your not following me so far. I can see it in the look on your face. The way you have to read my words over and over just to understand what this chick is getting at. For real, when you find out, holla back. Because I'm caught up in this world between Heaven and Hell. Some call it Earth.

Sweet? So what if I am? Are you here to abuse me too? Yeah, I'll give you my all if you just say you love me. I'll drop everything if you call to check up on me. Yeah, I'll be that chick who laughs at your corny ass, and rub your back. I'll be the one up late at night when your other girl ain't doing you right. Then when I help you figure out what it is that you want to do with your life, all the while neglecting my own, you move on. Too in touch with life to understand why I'm still where I'm at. So what, I can't get it together. Wasn't I there for you? Didn't you get what you needed? Why the fuck you worrying about me? Oh, that's right. Your not. Just looking out for you peeps. Didn't know I meant that much to you.

Trying to wrap my mind around this whole living concept. Ya know, past the breathing part that keeps me alive. Want to get to the living part. Where I'm actually doing something with my time. But here comes my friend. Oh, you need something too. Addicted to the luv that just won't quit? Because I won't stop. I can't stop. Loving. Who? You.

Satisfy that thirst with a kiss from your lips. Then starve from the lack of emotions. None for me. Too complicated you see. Addicted to my luv, but not to me. Make sense? Hell naw. Never does. But I keep going because I'm not living for me anymore. Hard to see when I ever was.

You think you know me? Probably do. Just another open book to you. Caught up between Heaven and Hell. What? Heard this story b/f. Don't care if it wasn't in these same words. Excuse me, I was talking to you. Don't you walk out that door. Hey, I just bore this baby for you.

But it's alright. Remember, you always come first on my list. I forgive and I forget, regardless of the bull shit. Insane? I know, can't help it. Caught up in that place. Learning to live and yet not succeeding. Learning to step back, yet can't keep myself from falling. Learning to get over, yet can't help tripping. On what, you say? Everything and yet nothing.

Can I have the cheat sheet to this? Are these trick questions? I can't tell. Yet here I am. And here is where I'll be. Still caught between Heaven and Hell, until I learn to rescue ME.