Beautiful Suffering

I am suffocating myself
Yes, I know
Under layers of feelings
I just can’t get rid of them
I don’t want to express anything to you
For I fear the consequences

I’m drowning in my own misery, my darkness, your problems
I’m blinded by this lust, my love and my addictions
All driven by anger
Because he left me so in love
And I can’t drown out those emotions

I don’t want to go through,
Another borderline disaster
Because I know,
I will suffer more than you will

But I don’t want to hurt you
Because I know I will never get you back
It hurts to think about you
You don’t know how much you mean to me
Because I can’t seem to tell you
And you can’t save me
Because you don’t know how

I am suffering,
I know you love me
Because it shows
You tell me all your promises,
To make me happy
You tell me I’m beautiful
But I convince myself everything’s a lie

You think you know me
But you can’t see
The pain in my eyes,
This vice on my soul
And I’m slowly dieing in front of your eyes
But you can’t see

I just haven’t had the time,
To stitch up all my wounds
That my last love inflicted
Now I’m just tearing at the scars
Allowing an emotional warfare to continue

I just want to say
That I miss you
I just can’t live through this hell
But…I love you