Denial

A cold wind blows past me, cooling the sweat layering my face. My stomach is uneasy, vomit threatening to erupt, throwing my lunch all over the pavement. About seven hundred pairs of eyes stare at me in disbelief. Some of them have covered their mouths in shock. It is horrible. It is a terrible accident.

People start backing away from me, looks of horror on every one of their faces. My breathing returns to normal. I can see everyone staring at me. Their looks of horror are directed at me, not at the accident that just happened in front of our eyes. Why? I didn’t do anything. It was an accident.

Steven just got hit by a bus. A bus! A big, badly painted, yellow school bus! He is lying in the street, probably dead, and no one is doing anything about it. They are all just staring at me like I’m some sort of monster. I didn’t do anything. They should be helping, doing something besides standing there like brain dead idiots. Come on, people, move! The king of your high school is dead! Help him! Stop looking at me like that!

I know Steven and I didn’t get along, but that doesn’t matter now. He needs help now, if it isn't too late. Why is everyone still looking at me? Stop it! You all wanted to be around Steven when he walked through the halls, but now that he needs your help, you won’t move a muscle. Come on, people. It was an accident. I didn’t do anything. My hand was barely touching him.

So what if we were fighting? That’s isn’t important now. Who cares what we were fighting about? It was just some stupid argument that doesn’t mean anything now. Steven and I had been friends once, a long time ago. That must mean something. Doesn’t he deserve help? Shouldn’t everyone be doing something other than staring at me? Stop it! Help him, dammit!

Someone finally moves, but not towards Steven. It is one of our teachers. She walks to me and stands right in front of me. “What did you do?” Nothing! I didn’t do anything. Why does everyone keep looking at me like I did? I didn’t push him that hard. It was an accident.

Steven and I hadn’t gotten along since he became popular. That was when I became not cool enough to hang out with him. That’s the way it is in this high school. Only the popular survive. I was pushed aside to join the rejects; the one’s that no one wanted. All because Steven had to have his popularity. I watching him climb the social ranks of high school and take his place at the top of the food chain. And I was on the bottom. After years of watching, I confronted him. I called him on his bullshit and let him know he wasn’t as wonderful as he thought he was. That’s what we were fighting about. It was an accident though. I didn’t know the bus was coming. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I know you all think that I hated Steven. Maybe I did. But not enough to throw him in front of a bus.

Stop looking at me! It was an accident. I swear it was. He was screaming at me, calling me a pussy and a loser. I got mad and I pushed him, but I didn’t see the bus coming. I swear it. Please, stop, looking at me like that.

Okay, so maybe I saw the bus out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t think it would actually hit him. I just wanted to scare him a little, make him suffer for the way he treated me. It was the least he deserved. He was an asshole. He treated people like shit, most of all me. No one would stand up to him. No one would tell him. No one would make him see. But I did.

I saw that bus turn the corner. I saw it was driving too fast. I took my chance to teach Steven a lesson. He couldn’t treat me like shit and expect to get away with it. I watched the bus coming and pushed him when the time was right. It happened so fast, so perfectly. It was the only way to show Steven what an asshole he was. He got what he deserved.

Stop looking at me like I’ve done something wrong! I’m not a monster! He had it coming! He did!

He did.