Going to the next level

Eight months ago, I thought I went through the worst chapter of my life. A personal relationship I wanted ended. My finances were dwindling. Accusations were pointing at me at every turn. I was constantly in disagreement with my family. I wanted to give up.

I was hurting so bad, I just didn't want to feel anything any more. I asked God to let me die. I cry myself to sleep for eight months wishing for things to end. I prayed and cried.

There was an inner voice in me encouraging me to fight and not give up. During my misery, I didn't listen to my voice. I didn't talk to anyone. I decided to give up. Things were just beginning to me.

The inner voicekept unctioning me to fight. In my mind I was fighting a losing battle. I felt as I didn't have any strength to fight. But I didn't realize this was a test. A test I needed so desperately to pass.

I stopped focusing on my problems. I started helping others by doing something in the community for someone else. When you feel like your world is going cold, there is always someone else who is worst and needs your support. This is your victory. I aslo started gardening, it is good therapy and relaxing. I realized when I when I was going through my personal trial I stopped living. When you stop living, you may as well die.

I also came to another conclusion, what I wanted so bad I wasn't ready for. It would have ended miserable. I was too blind by own pain to see it. Now, I am alot stronger and my focus is alot straighter. I have learned from my mistakes. Sometimes God allows hurt and pain in our lives to bring us in the direction where he desires for us to go.