3:15 PM Chicken or fish. Chicken or fish. Which one, which one, Fish or chicken? Chicken or fish? If I were stranded on a desert island with a chicken coop at one end and a koi pond at the other which would it be? Chicken, maybe no, definitely fish or chicken today and fish tomorrow or fish today and chicken tomorrow or both of them today or a little bit of chicken and a whole lot of fish or a whole lot of fish and a little bit of peanut butter. 3:22 PM Someone should make a clothes dryer that’ll only eat even quantities of socks so no matter how many you lose you never have any leftover as long as you’re not one of those slaves to fashion that gives a fuck whether their socks match 3:26 PM Your mom invented the internet 3:29 PM No matter how much a cat eats you still can’t claim it as a dependent on your income taxes even though cat food is expensive and kitties are cute and cuddly and stuff But if you have an infant whose face bears the traditional prunish wrinkles of recent emergence and sort of looks like Mickey Rooney sans teeth you can claim him as a dependent even though he isn’t cute and cuddly and pretty much eats for free 3:31 PM I can believe it’s not butter. 3:32 PM What if Elton John is really just a heterosexual man, who for the last decade or so has been unable to locate his other earring 3:33 PM 3:34 PM cricket cricket grasshopper cricket cricket grasshopper cricket cricket damn beetles again 3:34 PM 3:35 PM You would think that eventually testosterone would get the better of men and cause them to run outside and piss on everything they own 3:35 PM 3:35 PM Eeny meeny miny chicken 3:35 PM 3:35 PM 30 seconds. 29. 28. 27... 3:35 PM 20. 19. 18... 3:35 PM Fifteen. Fourteen Thirteen. Fuck it. I’m going to go worship the devil or something 3:36 PM |