Rant

I want to write about a woman who is leading an idyllic life and is suddenly crushed by reality. Who struggles with her own issues and against an opposition that seems overwhelming. She finds her own strength.. that she never knew she had. She can be flawed. She can be blinded by passion. She meets and defeats her own demons. On her terms. All the while maintaining her focus. This is crap. when can I break away from the usual suspects? I want it to be different. I want to come up with an idea that blows others away. Like the Da Vinci Code. What made that different? Other than turning the religious right on its ear? The writing was okay, not outstanding. the story was semi predictable. The movie veered away from the book, but the very end was what redeemed it for me. When Tom Hanks fell to one knee above the tomb of Mary Magdelyn. That did it for me. I want to write something that brings that kind of emotional response from people. I want to give people goose bumps, not from frightening them. From giving them the passion I feel. I want them to shudder. I want them to walk away changed somehow, for the better. Thinking in a different way. With a tangible change in their lives.

I want to convince people over to my way of thinking. To open their eyes. To expand their narrow world. Not just entertain. Teach. Recruit. Begin a movement. Break some molds. Release them from their self imposed prisons. Take them beyond the periphery of their visual limits and live now before they die.To realize that they are in a rut, digging their own graves one day at a time. Perhaps to stop waiting to die. Or waiting for the next drama to make them feel alive. I want them to stand up and bear arms. To reclaim their birthright. To journey from the mediocre into the stunning. Not simply get lost in a book that entertains. To close the book with the knowledge that they can break free. I want to stop a war. I want to save lives. All the lives of all the people who simply exist.

That probably isn't going to happen. Get real. In order to sell a book, I must focus on entertainment. I must follow the preset guidelines and generate the typical hero/heroine journey with the dark moment, the illumination, the triumph, and the happily ever after ending. That ain't much of a challenge, unless one realizes that it has been done so often that one must do one's best to not bore the reader to death.

That's not why I'm here. I want to take the industry by the tail and shake things up. I want to find a loophole out of the mass market mediocrety and turn the tables. Perhaps this has been written by thousands already, but they all sold their souls, since I haven't seen any results. Except in the Da Vinci code. And it still reeked of mass marketing. It was still just a story with all the earmarks of every other New York Times Bestseller. I also want to bring Texas out of the realm of the deep south backward hick town and spotlight the beauty and intelligence. To show that the usual bias' no longer fit. I want to cause an uproar. I want to receive hate mail. I want to embarrass people, if necessary. To not just point out the flaws in the old system, but to bring it to a head, make it to where we cannot go back to the old way of thinking and doing things ever again.

And on a personal level, I want to meet Tom Hanks. I want someone to seek me out and ask me my opinion. I want to go on Oprah and tell people to wake up and smell the decay of their lives. I want to be famous. Not necessarily notorious. I want my kids to be proud of me. I want my grandkids to brag about me. I want my husband to look at me with respect. I want my ex's to regret ever hurting me. And I want to heal my own wounds. To get people beyond their own troubled pasts, I have to get beyond my own. To help break molds, I must stretch and break my own. I have my own demons to conquer. I must face them first.

Everyone in America knows that our government is spiraling into its own destruction. That democracy will never work as long as men believe that they can beat the system. It is the best form of government, but it is flawed because man can and will find a way around everything good and twist it into something that meets his own agenda. Looking at my 13 year old, I can see his mind working everyday trying to figure out how to get away with something, anything. As long as he doesn't have to follow the rules. His main goal is to pull a fast one, and get away with it. And my husband tries to stay one step ahead of him. It's almost like he can read his mind. He has already gone through this, in his own youth, with all our own sons, and now with Bannon.

I don't want to play it safe. I don't want to try. I want to do. To break free. I want to bring society to the realization that women are not subservient. To take the DaVinci Code to the next logical step, then the next. To bring women out of the dark ages. and not with baby steps. I want women to demand to be treated like the goddesses that they are.

Look at that woman who drowned her 5 kids. She was abused by her husband in a socially acceptable way. I don't know if I can forgive her. But I can understand how she was pushed into her madness. And right now I don't think it's up to me to forgive her. How can we allow her husband to get away with this? How can we ignore his part in the tragedy? It would never have happened if he didn't set the stage. That would be a political bombshell. That would certainly turn some heads. And as I think this, I realize that to write what I want to write, from my view of the spectrum would be so far out there that it would never sell. And that makes me stop and think, if I say what needs to be said, will it ever reach anyone? Will no one hear me if I go too far? Will I simply be labeled as a crank or worse? Thus be ignored?

Then I must step carefully. I can only trod on a few toes to begin with. I would have to establish some groundwork first. Then build on that. Be careful to follow the rules, the ones established by men, and push the limits subtly. I would rather not go that route. To visit her hell would be painful. To heal the damage would be nearly impossible. To right the wrong is my goal. I want the spotlight turned where it should be, in the faces of the men and women who allow such atrocities. Who crane their necks to look at the accident as they drive by and not lift a finger to assist. The people who only want to live vicariously through the drama of other people's tragedy. Or worse, the ones who advance their own agendas by profitting from this tragedy.

I want her husband to answer for his crimes against her. I want society to realize that they each had a part in the deaths of those children. I want people to wake from their comas and smell the putrid stench of their ignorance. We are all swimming in a sea of ignorance that is allowed, even encouraged so we can maintain the status quo. Can we handle upsetting the boat. While we blissfully ignore the war in Iraq? While the Boy's Club in Washington keeps us kissing their asses? While the media brainwashes the masses? While the wealthy few make us dance to their tune. The wealthiest country in the world is so afraid of losing its grip that it cannot break this cycle of ignorance. We each play our own part. Every one of us is guilty of looking the other way. And this guilt keeps the evil alive. The lazy slob in everyone, the opportunist in us all, the precarious footing we all feel we are on only keeps this spiraling out of control. We know that one misstep will cause our own destruction and we are unwilling to lose our place in line. We don't want to have to start over.

So, I have followed my train of thought to its reasonable conclusion. To create change I must shake up people to an extent that would undermine their entire belief system. This would be met with an enormous amount of resistance. I believe in my cause. But I wonder if I have the ability to pull it off. Can I keep focused? Can I write the words that would bring a nation to its knees? Am I smart enough to defend my position? Will I only manage to embarrass myself and my loved ones. Will I be laughed at, and made into a joke. Is that what keeps me quiet? Fear of becoming a household joke? Fear of abandonment? Would I risk losing the ones I love to attempt to bring change to the world? What if I fail? What if I lose everything and still have accomplished nothing? Could I end up in jail? Am I willing to risk my freedom or my life for this cause?

Can I continue to live this life of desperate hollowness just so I can maintain my own status quo? That would be the easy way out. Just ignore the social injustices. Continue to allow that woman to be punished for her crimes without giving voice to the real tragedy. The one unfolding everyday in every household in this nation. The one that my own granddaughters will have to endure. Can I live with myself if I allow the deaths of those children to be in vain? They died for a reason. Not just because their mother drowned them. They died to tell the world that something is desperately wrong with our society. There is a sickness that needs to be addressed. Not mental illness, necessarily. A sickness in the minds of men who, in their fear of losing their own place in the pecking order, will dominate and destroy the women who should be adored.

Where do I go from here?