THE ESCAPE

When did all the feelings of resentment and frustration with her life begin? Tessa comtemplated her feelings as she dressed for work. Tessa and Dean had a strong marriage of 20 years. They had two wonderful children, a 15 year old son D.J. and Cassy, their 17 year old daughter. Together, by determination and hard work, they had acquired a beautiful, country home.

Dean owned a successful plumbing business. Because of years of long hours and heavy manual labor, his lucrative business was finally well established. Since his business practically ran itself, Dean could go to work, if and when he wanted. Tessa, on the other hand, did not have that luxury. That was where some of the resentment stemmed. Not only that, but when she got home from school, with papers to grade, and supper to cook, Dean would be in his favorite chair, feet propped up on the coffee table watching TV. As soon as she walked through the door, it would be "Tess, bring me a glass of tea," or "Hey, honey, what's for supper?" The kids would greet her with "Take me to football practice", or "I have to be at cheerleader practice right now!" It would be nice if Dean could get off his rear every once in awhile and run the kids where they needed to go.

Dissatisfaction and disappointment with her job was evident, and she didn't have to think about the reasons. She knew exactly why she felt disappointment and frustration in her 16 years of teaching 4th graders. Children had gradually
become more disrespectful and unruly. She spent more time parenting her students, than educating them. Some days it took all she had, just to get through the day.

Tessa got into her car for her 45 minute drive into town to work. She began to review the carefully calculated plan for escape. After thinking about this for over a month, she had finally made up her mind, that today would be the day she would follow through with her plan to leave everything behind. Today was payday. After school she would cash her check, and embark on her new life. This afternoon, she would drive past the wandering dirt road which led to her house. This time she would keep driving, all the way to Amarillo. It wasn't hard, just find a cheap, but decent motel for the night and then call Dean in the morning, and let him know that she needed some time away from everyone and everything to get her head on straight. She needed time to re-evaluate their relationship. Dean would have to tell DJ. and Cassy that she would get in contact with them later on in the week. In the morning Tessa would call the school and inform them she would be off work for at least 6 weeks, because she fell and broke her foot. Wanda Brice would be thrilled to sub for her. Normally not a liar, this was the part of the plan that caused a gnawing twinge of guilt. Realizing she was going to resort to lying in order to make the much, needed changes in her life, only cemented in her mind that leaving everything familiar was the right thing to do. Amarillo was big enough that finding an inexpensive, furnished apartment couldn't be all that hard. She would buy a few groceries and go to the nearest clothing store and purchase just enough clothes to get by with, until she could find a job and earn her first pay check. Her check today would cover that, plus have some cash left over. She would find a job, working at a store or working as a waitress. Something with less stress and that would not be as disheartening, as teaching had become. Then maybe, Tessa could rediscover herself and find the person that she somehow had lost. She was now a wife, mother and teacher, but where had Tessa, the individual gone? How did she fade away?

At work, Tesssa glided through the day, as if in a fog. Finally at the end of the day, as desperate woman, rather than a stable mother, wife, and teacher, she raced to her car and headed towards Amarillo. Her heart pounding, as her plan to escape began to unfold.

Putting the radio on her favorite "oldies" station, her shoulders rounded as her body responded to the release of tension. As the station began to play songs of yesterday, her mind began to drift to a different time. A time when she was 20 pounds lighter, still young and her body firm without tiny, wrinkles framing her eyes. Reminising of a time when her thick, dark hair had no silver strands at the temples, showing the signs of gentle, subtle aging, a smile of rememberance curled around her full, lips. With warm fondness, and yearning,she reviewed the events of a time when Dean made her feel, as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world. They had the kind of love that riveted with passion and laughter. Now, their lovemaking was routine, and truthfully, she was so tired at night, she just wanted to be left alone. She felt unattractive, plus the frustration of everthing that her life entailed, had left her feeling drained with no desire for intimacy. Deliberately pushing all negative thoughts to the back of her mind she focused on singing with the radio. She was completely oblivious of the familiar, rolling patchwork of green fields and delicate bluebonnets gently swaying at the the edge of the highway.

No longer mesmerized by the music on the radio, the car came to an abrupt stop. She looked out the window and began to chuckle softly to herself. As if on automatic pilot, without even thinking about where she was going, Tessa had driven home! She was like a mother wolf, driven by instinct, to return to the den where her pups awaited her return. Suddenly, a revelation surfaced. This was where she belonged! A wife, a mother and a teacher were her identity, mingled together, creating the woman she had become. All the love she had for her family, imbedded deep in heart had only been camouflaged by stress, fatigue and disillusionment. With summer vacation only a couple of months away, the right thing, the mature thing to do, would be spending summer nights with Dean, rekindling their passion, which lay smoldering under the ashes of hectic days and evening tasks, She would spend lazy afternoons with her children, turning every minute into a memory to cherish. Maybe the best escape, the only escape, is at your very on doorstep.